1.02.2013

A year of no regrets




First of all, I wanted to give everyone an update on the money we raised for my sweet friend, Amy, who lost her husband tragically at the end of November (for the record, November sucks). In the month of December, we raised $5,582.72!!!! I will continue to leave the Paypal donate button up until my revenue check is paid for December (it's usually two months behind), so if anyone wanted to make a donation and wasn't able to, you still have a chance. I'm so incredibly thankful for the generosity of others, even complete strangers, who were willing to take the time to help. It gives me hope and reminds me of how much good is still left in the world.

Lately, I've really needed the reminder.

I always admire people who can say they live life with no regrets. Maybe I'm a little cynical, but I don't believe most people have no regrets from their past. I sure do. There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently. But I know those are the things that make us who we are, help shape us into the people we become.

After coming out of intense grief, one of the few things it teaches me is to move forward with no regrets. I'm not so naive to think I won't make mistakes or forget to embrace life - I'm human. But I have loved and lost and I don't like wasting time in this life not using it to let the people around me know how much I love them. Perhaps if I lose someone I love again, I'll never feel like I said enough, did enough, embraced enough....but I will keep trying.

I love that starting a new year brings about hope for so many people. A hope for change, a hope for something new. So many possibilities on the horizon for the year that lies ahead. For those who are in suffering, though, grief can be a reminder that the world moves forward while theirs is ending, and they have to drag over into a new year kicking and screaming. Two years ago, I couldn't escape the horror I felt watching time tick into a year that Jeremy would never see. I cried myself to sleep long before midnight because I couldn't bare the thought of celebrating....and I prayed I wouldn't have to see the year either. What a year can change. Last year, I went on a first date palms sweaty and heart racing, so unsure of where my life was headed....but I had hope. This year, I will do my best to pay that hope forward by living with no regret. Of loving when I know I should, of speaking up when I feel the need, or keeping my mouth shut when it's necessary, of soaking up every day moments with my children, of putting myself and my health as a priority, of loving every bit of the second chance I've been given.....no regrets.

This is not an easy task. I'm constantly in shock by the hurt that few people can cause. Some of you have seen the comments that have come through on my blog - hurtful, accusing, demeaning. I don't post them anymore, as they have gotten progressively worse, and I refuse to give them the satisfaction. In fact, they don't upset me anymore because there is no weight in them for me. The only upsetting piece is that it's someone I know. I just feel pity for people who live in such pain that they feel the need to impose the pain and hurt and misunderstanding onto others....especially others who have already been through so much (and I'm not just talking about me here.) I've heard the ridiculous things that people have said to widows, you can add to that the things people try to tell that same widow when she tries to date or remarry....it's enough to make anyone go mad!

I will no longer tolerate such negativity to weigh me down. I'm human, and words can be especially hurtful, but I lived through my worst hell, what can one person's opinion really do to me? Not any more pain than I've already suffered. This year, I move forward. No regrets. Leaving behind my mistakes, but bringing the lessons I've learned from them and the good pieces along with me.

The life lessons I've learned from grief will not be in vain.


15 comments:

Angela@JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed said...

So happy that so much money was raised for your friend. You continue to be an inspiration. Love your blog, love your attitude. (And the quote.) Keep writing, keep sharing.

Anonymous said...

Good girl!! Keeping moving forward and embracing life and love. You have so much going for you Vee and five little darlings who look up to you and are blessed by having you for their Mom. You continue to inspire me. I look forward to reading your blog as well as Steve's. They are full of life and love, caring and commitment. You are both so blessed to have each other.You both deserve to be happy and in love with life and each other. Hugs from afar.

Anonymous said...

I feel blessed ever time I read your blog. You have such a gift.

A Short Way of Life said...

Love to you, Vee. You are such an inspiration..and a blessing. Thank you for loving Amy so much!

VinGirl said...

I'm so sorry people can be so hurtful and judgemental. You deserve all of the happiness you have, and those who don't support it must be pretty unhappy themselves. I hope your year is the best it can be. :)

Amanda said...

"Never let anyone dull your sparkle.". :). Happy New Year! xoxo

Pauline Curtis said...

Good for you! I'm so glad you are in a better place in your life now, and I wish you and your family all the best for the New Year!

Anonymous said...

You and Steve are like, the perfect couple and how in the world anyone could have anything negative to say about either one of you is just freakin ridiculous. You are inspiring to me as a widow, and Steve gives me hope that I can love again because I never thought I could but hey, who knows??? I'm glad you don't listen to the idiots who give you a hard time. If I were you I wouldn't have as much grace and I'd want to punch them in the face (well, not really but you know what I mean). You are both so freakin awesome, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Love ya both,
Gina
Brooklyn, NY

Anonymous said...

You and Steve are like, the perfect couple and how in the world anyone could have anything negative to say about either one of you is just freakin ridiculous. You are inspiring to me as a widow, and Steve gives me hope that I can love again because I never thought I could but hey, who knows??? I'm glad you don't listen to the idiots who give you a hard time. If I were you I wouldn't have as much grace and I'd want to punch them in the face (well, not really but you know what I mean). You are both so freakin awesome, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Love to you both,
Gina from Brooklyn NY

Angela Moore said...

Good for you! I know what you mean exactly. Here's to an amazing 2013!

glenda said...

That's right! You and Steve found love once again and you were both given a second chance at it. Love each other and be enough for each other and your kiddos and forget about the haters.

"Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner" -Lao Tzu-

As long as you and your kids are happy... Steve is happy... that's all that matters. Keep moving forward. Love, Live and Laugh. No regrets!!!

Best to you, Steve and the kids for the New Year 2013 xo

Indiana Mom said...

In this life you can either move forward or stay "stuck" in the past. So glad that you are living each day and moving forward with anticipation of the blessings God will send your way. Your past is also important like a foundation which gives you strength to build on today. Jeremy would be so proud of the way you are caring for his children and using your experiences to minister to others. LOVE YOU!

Anonymous said...

Oops sorry I posted twice...thought the first one didn't go through.
Gina :-)

Julia Arambula said...

What a wonderful resolve to feel in this new year! Repeatedly choosing that response to negativity around you will not only be a blessing to you & the people around you, but you'll also teach your lovely children how to sail more smoothly even when the source of the rough water is closer to home than it should be. My mother did a wonderful job modeling that attitude for us. It helped us resist peer pressure and to choose positive friends growing up. When you feel confident in your own choices, criticism from others just doesn't mean as much anymore. Best of luck in allowing the negativity to sail right past you.

Aubrey said...

I went to Rochester College just a little before you, so we never met but have many mutual friends. I find you so inspiring, and consider your courage so profound. Thanks for sharing so much of your heart. You have a gift for writing, and for helping to bring clarity.

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