1.23.2012

The change a year can bring

I've made a decision to try and be better about posting. I always struggle with feeling like people have heard enough and don't really care to hear me continue whining about everything, but I have A LOT to share and a lot on my heart....and well, this is really for me. Cause I have a horrible memory and my only recollection of the last 14 months is from what I wrote down. And, I have been EXTREMELY busy.

Tonight, I want to start with just a little snippet about my trip to Gulf Coast Getaway this year. We just got back this week from one of the most incredible events we do all year long - I've blogged about it every year cause it changed my life big time. It has become a bittersweet event for me, because Jeremy went with me my first time, and last year I was 8 months pregnant...I just miss being there with him. I want to tell him about so much. Like how beautiful it was there this year, the best weather I've seen yet for January in Florida:


I spent a lot of time on the beach this trip. I thought so much about this beach and the milestones it has taken me through. Two years ago, we sat at the very beach and cried with a hurting friend, prayed together, and solidified a friendship that will last a lifetime. Last year, I sat alone on this very beach, in the cold, screaming curses to God with tears streaming down my face and fury and confusion in my heart. This time, I thought a lot about how much change a year can bring. I stood on this very beach with a different song in my heart, at a different place in my life. I cried a lot for Jeremy, but not the way I did last year. This year, I cried a lot for my brother too...for some reason, his loss hit me hard on the trip. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I feel closer to God in His beauty and creation. I pray more by the ocean. I breath deeper. I listen. But no matter what ups and downs I experienced on this trip, what I kept thinking about was how much different it could be in a year from now, on this very beach.

What I also know is that through all my ups and downs, I have incredible friends. This event brings me together with dear people I only get to see a few times out of the year, or JUST this time every year. But they are treasures to me:




This year, I got another tattoo. This one I've been wanting for awhile, for Jeremy. Sarah and I have gotten both our tattoos together, which is very meaningful to me...and her tattoo was with Jeremy in mind as well:



Overall, it was a great weekend. I always encounter God in a powerful way at Gulf Coast. I even adopted a little boy from Haiti named Johnsley. The kids and I are very excited to write him some letters and learn more about him! It was a highlight of my weekend. 

I tried to take lots of deep breaths to prepare me for the changes of another year...



9 comments:

Denise said...

An old saying, "You can never step in the same river twice." Just as you can never have the same experiences twice. Time and experiences change our perception and future experiences. I'm so glad you are beginning to heal, and see things through a more positive light. I pray for you often, and know that God will give you peace and wisdom!

"Say What?" said...

I've been thinking about you; lifting you up in prayer when I do. I know we don't "know" one another, but I've been reading about your journey for over a year now and I am proud of you. You've come such a long way.

Anonymous said...

I don't remember how I found your blog, but I've been following your story for awhile now-- I don't think I've ever posted, though :) Just wanted you to know that you shouldn't ever be worried about "whining" too much and people getting tired of hearing about it... this is YOUR grief journey, and having gone through a deep grief journey myself, I know how absolutely important it is sometimes to talk about the hurt and to give a name to it. It doesn't mean you're "stuck" and not healing in any way-- it just means you're being honest with yourself about where you're at! Never apologize for giving a name to those emotions and writing them down-- writing can be so therapeutic, especially on those "ugly" days. I see a strength through your honesty/words that you probably don't often feel you have :)

You are heard, dear one-- you are loved deeply by your Creator (who hurts with you, but NEVER has "too much" of you crying out to Him!)-- and you are prayed for!

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

don't stop writing! if it helps you get your feelings out then do so!

Love the tattoo! The placement is so creative! just love it!

Jo Julia said...

does the tattoo hurt? :) I've been wanting one since Dan died and still debating on the perfect design but thinking I'll do it soon- on my birthday maybe...

Angela said...

Please don't stop writing, or feel bad about writing too much. You are in so many of our hearts and minds and we love the updates. And you write so beautifully and honestly. You are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to the next post.

Godsbeloved said...

I loved meeting you at Gulf coast and just seeing you worship your heart away was so inspiring! I love reading about your journey so keep writing! Love you and im praying for strength for you...always! Love the tattoo btw! :)
Salem

Emily said...

So glad to see another post from you! Your writing is anything but whining. You are such an inspirational writer and I'm glad you'll be posting more! It's great to watch God working in you. Thank you for sharing!

Desi said...

You are amazing! I love these photos of you smiling :) They make me happy.

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