Grief and Injustice

Today should be my 9th wedding anniversary with Jeremy.

Instead of spending that day in memory of him, I have to sort through issues concerning someone who has hurt a lot of other people in their path with their selfishness and manipulation. While I didn’t actually have a ‘to-do’ list for today, I can tell you this wasn’t on it.

But what I’ve noticed about grief and injustice is that they elevate each other, and can sometimes come together is a not-so-pretty package. This injustice I have to deal with is magnified because life doesn’t get put on hold for my grief. Not only is this unjust, but it’s injustice on a day that I should get to take a break?!? How dare life work that way. Life keeps pushing forward even though Jeremy should be here. I held my breath when Jeremy died and waited for the rest of the world to do the same. But it didn’t. I was devastated.

And because I was in grief, everything felt unjust: The way Jeremy died, the timing of his death, the situation I was left in, other families getting to enjoy each other while I had to suffer, fathers getting to hold their babies, old people holding hands – when would the injustice end? Every corner I turned, someone had something that I lost.

If Jeremy taught me anything in 7 ½ years of marriage, it was to love fiercely. The world doesn’t revolve around me or my needs and I should cherish every blessing I have the opportunity to be a part of. Even when the world is unjust and people get by with things they shouldn’t, or when people get to celebrate 9 years of marriage with their spouses when I never will with Jeremy – that doesn’t mean the world will stop. And it doesn’t mean I can’t be thankful I got to have at least that many years with an incredible man.

In the meantime, I will take the time I need to take today to think about Jeremy (not that I haven’t been every day anyway) and what my life with him meant to me. No amount of injustice can take that away. I will grieve, I will remember, I will be thankful, I will cherish those around me that I love, and I will pray for justice.

Happy Anniversary, my love.
I miss you dearly.


Jackie Gonzales said...

I'm sorry you don't have all day today to grieve, to remember, to celebrate what you had with Jeremy. Life seems so unfair sometimes...but every time I think that, I remember the words, "We may make our plans, but God has the last word." It doesn't mean the last word doesn't stink...but I find peace in knowing that there is a reason for everything that happens.

Take care today...and try to find a few minutes just for yourself where you can remember.

Anonymous said...

i am truly sorry for loses. I am happy, so happy you have found peace and love again, for you and your beautiful children. That being said, it has taken me a little over a year to end you a comment as i didn't know what to say or how to say it. I dated your brother Brian for a little while in high school. I was shocked when i heard about his death from a family friend. i was shocked and very angry with the news. i am truly sorry and wish for you to contact me so i can talk with you more. dena_lorenzo@yahoo.com


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