Today should be my 9th wedding anniversary with
Jeremy.
Instead of spending that day in memory of him, I have to
sort through issues concerning someone who has hurt a lot of other people in
their path with their selfishness and manipulation. While I didn’t actually
have a ‘to-do’ list for today, I can tell you this wasn’t on it.
But what I’ve noticed about grief and injustice is that they
elevate each other, and can sometimes come together is a not-so-pretty package.
This injustice I have to deal with is magnified because life doesn’t get put on
hold for my grief. Not only is this unjust, but it’s injustice on a day that I
should get to take a break?!? How dare life work that way. Life keeps pushing
forward even though Jeremy should be here. I held my breath when Jeremy died
and waited for the rest of the world to do the same. But it didn’t. I was
devastated.
And because I was in grief, everything felt unjust: The way
Jeremy died, the timing of his death, the situation I was left in, other
families getting to enjoy each other while I had to suffer, fathers getting to
hold their babies, old people holding hands – when would the injustice end?
Every corner I turned, someone had something that I lost.
If Jeremy taught me anything in 7 ½ years of marriage, it
was to love fiercely. The world doesn’t revolve around me or my needs and I
should cherish every blessing I have the opportunity to be a part of. Even when
the world is unjust and people get by with things they shouldn’t, or when
people get to celebrate 9 years of marriage with their spouses when I never
will with Jeremy – that doesn’t mean the world will stop. And it doesn’t mean I
can’t be thankful I got to have at least that many years with an incredible
man.
In the meantime, I will take the time I need to take today
to think about Jeremy (not that I haven’t been every day anyway) and what my
life with him meant to me. No amount of injustice can take that away. I will
grieve, I will remember, I will be thankful, I will cherish those around me
that I love, and I will pray for justice.
Happy Anniversary, my love.
I miss you dearly.
2 comments:
I'm sorry you don't have all day today to grieve, to remember, to celebrate what you had with Jeremy. Life seems so unfair sometimes...but every time I think that, I remember the words, "We may make our plans, but God has the last word." It doesn't mean the last word doesn't stink...but I find peace in knowing that there is a reason for everything that happens.
Take care today...and try to find a few minutes just for yourself where you can remember.
Veronica,
i am truly sorry for loses. I am happy, so happy you have found peace and love again, for you and your beautiful children. That being said, it has taken me a little over a year to end you a comment as i didn't know what to say or how to say it. I dated your brother Brian for a little while in high school. I was shocked when i heard about his death from a family friend. i was shocked and very angry with the news. i am truly sorry and wish for you to contact me so i can talk with you more. dena_lorenzo@yahoo.com
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