6.02.2011

An update

I'm still here. I honestly hadn't opened my computer in over a week, things have been so crazy. My only connection was on FB via my phone. Let me give you all a little update:

I finally closed on a house! This has been a very long process, but I wanted it to be the right decision, and the right house. The house we're in now isn't safe or big enough for our family anymore. I think we've found something that suits us way more. We've been working on it (me and a ton of wonderful people) non stop for a few weeks now and every day it starts to come together a little more, and I am in love with it. It's perfect for us. The best part is, our next door neighbors are wonderful, they have a little boy named Caleb who is 2 days older than my Caleb - and they've all been connected at the hip since they met!

When I get a chance to finally sit down and play with my before and after photos (oh and get the house in order to actually have after photos) I will share them. I will tell you that I am pretty proud of myself for learning how to stain and seal hardwood floors (I had to call in help to sand the floors). There are flaws that will likely bug me more than anyone else, but overall it looks pretty good:


I have been ready to move out for awhile. More than awhile, Jeremy hated this house. Knowing he wouldn't want us here without him made the decision to leave very easy. I never thought twice about leaving it, that is, until this week as I pack up my things. As much as I am not tied to this house and am excited about starting in a better place, it's still painful to leave the last place Jeremy ever lived. Our last home together - our only home together. I can feel the anxiety of seeing it empty creeping up on me.

I have pushed a lot of grief to the back burner with everything going on. Not necessarily on purpose, it's just happened that way. But what I'm finding is that while every day gets a little easier, it also gets a little bit harder, and little more real if that makes any sense. Today has been the first day in weeks that I was just home, getting stuff done, no one around and I went grocery shopping for the first time in awhile. What a disaster. I was completely caught off-guard by the emotions I was going go through just slowing down and doing every day normal things. I cried harder today than I have in months.

There is so much on my heart and mind that I want to write down before I forget, I just don't know when I'll find the time to do it. All I can say for now is that prayers have never been needed more and I will never stop asking for them. Thank you.


14 comments:

Meeghan said...

The floors look AMAZING. Will continue to pray for you and your family!

Anonymous said...

Prayers will never cease from this heart. Love you Vee. p.s. floors look awesome. rock that out sister. - kelly weertz

Vicki said...

Done. xoxo

Miranda said...

Oh my word those floors are beautiful! You did a wonderful job! Jeremy would be proud :-)

Lisa said...

What beautiful floors! Can't wait to see the rest of the pictures! :)

megan said...

huge transition, even for good things. Maybe transitions for the good things are even more hard.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I love the floors! It looks great. and love the fact the neighnour is named caleb too!

Anonymous said...

congrats on the new house!
very exciting news... and someone special is looking down from heaven in awe of all of the hard work you're putting in to keep your family loved and cared for.

you are an inspiration to many, even though you are not feeling like an inspiration to yourself.

Can't wait to see how you decorate and set up the new place... I'm sure there will be touches of Jeremy throughout... to ensure you don't lose sight of what an important part of your family he IS...(not was).

Take care, and we all look forward to your blog.

Emily said...

The floors look amazing, and the house sounds wonderful! Won't stop praying for you! xoxo

trininista said...

Hi Vee. I have been reading your blog for a while and you continue to inspire me with your strength and grace. I recently blogged about my best friend and what she has been enduring the past 2 weeks and again, she has shown such resilience and grace. I just wanted to say even when the days are hard, you have proven that you have the fortitude, faith and love to see them through. Best of luck.

white collar | green soul said...

wow - amazing job on the floors! yeah, imperfections are rarely noticed by anyone else. living in a 110-year-old house I've learned to just make imperfections part of the house (uneven plaster, wonky casings...). Can't really get away from them anyway!

Jo Julia said...

just wanted you to know i'm thinking of you- i relate so much to your recent posts. it all just sucks. you are doing it- moment by moment, day by day.

Karen Peterson said...

You've been on my mind and I'm glad you're hanging in there. Congratulations on the house!

K Blue said...

Your floors are amazing.
And your words have such a pure and raw truth to them.
Praying for you because even though I don't have any clue what you are experiencing, I do know the emotions of widowhood... http://joekaren.blogspot.com/

Praying, praying, praying.

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