5.24.2012

What's in a name?


This post was written last week, as I am blissfully unaware of the real world this week enjoying a Jamaican honeymoon with my wonderful new husband!

Ever since the moment I knew I would marry Steve, I have felt so much peace about where God was taking us. Even in the way He brought us together; all the things I thought would worry me about getting married after losing someone I love so much turned out to be bearable issues that we worked out so seamlessly. Even the peace I felt against other's insecurities...it just all came together in the way only God can pull it off.

The only thing I ever felt unsettled about has been my name. Veronica King. It's who I am, who I have become, and who I want to be. When Jeremy and I got married, I couldn't wait to change my last name. I was proud to belong to Jeremy and take his name, I was proud to be a King and had waited my whole life to become a "Mrs." And I feel the same way about Steve: I am proud to be his and be a part of his family and take his name. The difference this time though, is that my name is also my connection to Jeremy. It's what keeps us connected, it's how people find him through me and visa versa. I am part of his legacy and he is a part of mine. It birthed my blog, Everyday Kings. I jokingly used to tell Jeremy that the only way I'd ever change my last name from King was if it were to become Queen instead.

When this issue arose, I felt so unsettled about it, like I had to choose who I loved more, and tried to find other people who had remarried after being widowed to see what they did with their last name and why. I didn't really have any luck figuring out what to do. I didn't know how to bring it up to Steve, even though I knew he would be understanding, because I didn't want in any way to make it seem like I didn't want to take his last name or that he is less important.

We finally talked it through and Steve, being the incredible guy that he is, was very understanding and let me take my time deciding what I wanted to do. The only solution that gave me any sort of settlement was to have my cake and eat it too.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce myself: I am now Mrs. Veronica King-Cunningham! :) It's a mouth-full and a lot to write down, but it incorporates the two things I love most and puts a smile on my face and peace in my heart.






For any of those reading who have been remarried, what did you do with your last name and why did you make that decision?

63 comments:

trininista said...

Wow. Have I been away so long? Congratulations Mrs King-Cunningham.

Jill said...

Awesome! As I was reading this post I was thinking "hyphenate, hyphenate!" and that's what you had done. Hope your honeymoon is fabulous!

Amanda @ Heart Tree Home said...

I was thinking of you the other day and wondering what name you were taking after the wedding. I think you made a great choice! Congrats on the wedding and have fun in Jamaica!

Binky said...

I've never posted on your blog before, but have been reading for quite some time. I personally think that combining the two last names, while a mouthful, it a beautiful tribute to both of the amazing men you've had in your life.

Congratulations and all of the best to you and your family!

Brooke said...

I think it's a wonderful solution! It ties you to your children and to Jeremy, as well as bringing you into your future. I was kind of wondering what you would do, and though hyphenating is not something that is my style, I think it's a perfect fit. Congrats!

Anonymous said...

I love it! (not that you need my approval- a total stranger!) Your testimony is so encouraging for me. Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you have indeed married a wise and understanding man. So happy for you both.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

love that you still are a King. Are the kids changing too?

Brooke Simmons said...

Despite the fact that I'm not on the horizon of getting married and having to make this decision, I have thought about how I would handle it when the time comes. I've considered keeping my first husband's name and not taking the new husband's at all so that my kids and I will still be connected in that way, to each other and to their father. I don't want them to be the only 'Simmons' in that sense. I've also thought about hyphenating the way you did and think it's a great solution that meets both needs.

Diana from Atlanta said...

It sounds like the perfect solution and a beautiful name. Congratulations to you both, Mrs. King-Cunningham =)

glenda said...

That's true love x2.
Steve is a very special man. You can tell he loves you unconditionally Mrs. King-Cunningham :)
The best always to you, Steve and the kiddos as you embark this new chapter in your life!
Enjoy that honeymoon. Can't wait to see wedding pictures and honeymoon ones too.

Angela said...

Congratulations! Love the new name.

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you actually married him. Its kind of disgusting, how you fell in love with another man so quickly, and replaced your feelings with a new. You should be focusing on you CHILDREN not replacing their father. Now, you are the trash that I talk about children having a different name than their mom and dad. I wish you the best, but will not be surprised when it does not work out and he realizes that you are using him.

Vicki Lindsey said...

To Anonymous - You obviously don't know Veronica or Steve. You also don't know all the ways God brought this relationship to fruition through and despite all the painful things preceding it. (It may be surprising to you, for some reason, that Veronica has not spelled out every little thing in her life regardless of her truthfulness and transparency about what she does choose to write about. On top of that, you probably have never experienced grief - not of this magnitude. I'm sorry you don't understand and can't wait for you to be proven wrong. If you'd like to respond or keep leaving disgusting and rude comments for Veronica to read, at least you might have the balls to write your name beside it next time.

Steve Cunningham said...

After taking a little time and processing the"anonymous" comment I have decided that I while I don't normally leave a comment on my new wife's blog, this time I needed too - ultimately because Veronica is my wife and because I will stop at no length to protect her, our family, and our love. While I am sure that the anonymous comment was made in good taste and goodwill (usually most comments that include "disgusting" and "trash" usually are) it is unfortunate that so many people who really know so little feel inclined to voice there opinion about others and there lives in a most offensive way. Since the anonymous comment obviously knows little about me - let me introduce myself, I am Steve, a grief counselor - and have been for years. If there is ANYONE who may have insight into what a person faces as they take a step forward, it might be the guy who everyone comes to for counseling as they do so - ala me! I have walked with, helped people process through, and stood beside people as they grieved a loved one and continued to live. I have seen the hardships not just once, but literally hundreds of times - so, if you, in your wisdom and experience think that I am unaware of the journey that grief takes, you are poorly mistaken! While I cannot and will not be Veronica's counselor in life, I am probably more prepared than anyone to know what lies ahead in our journey. In addition, it is sad to see someone who thinks that "time grieved" equals "true love." I don't want to accuse anyone of anything, but it is usually the people with unresolved grief issues that grieve the hardest and longest. People who have had strained relationships, unresolved issues, or who were not as open or close to their loved one when they passed most generally have the hardest time in grief. Consequently, those who felt comfortable, at peace, and well loved in a relationship - while still suffering from grief - are not as consumed as others. Another important aspect in grief is that everyone grieves very differently. While it would be nice to say that grief takes a certain "number" of years - (however long that may be to you) just remember, your grief is differently than anyone else's. 5 years may be too quick for some, but not for others - but the only person who REALLY can decide is the person in the grief. Otherwise, they are held captive to how others want them or feel like they should grieve. Last of all, it seems as though the anonymous comment believes that in order to move forward you must fully heal, or stop loving the deceased - both of which are grossly untrue. Let me reframe your comment to include a parent, how long will it take to get over the loss of a mom or dad? Will you ever stop loving them, talking about them, or sharing those precious memories of them after they die? Is it still ok to hang pictures of them up in the house or have a day where the thought of them brings you to tears? Of course those things are normal - and the same is true when losing a spouse! Veronica will ALWAYS love Jeremy, she is ALWAYS welcome and able to hang his pictures up in our home, share her memories about him, and grieve his presence! To not be able to do so would be denying the love they shared and the love she still has for him in her heart.

Steve Cunningham said...

Having aid all of this, there are a few things I feel a thousand percent of: 1) Veronica's love and marriage to me does not mean that she has replaced Jeremy or does not love him anymore... I am not Jeremy and Jeremy is not me. It does mean that Veronica is choosing to move forward while being with someone who accepts her the way she is and loves all of her. 2) While there are certainly struggles in all marriages, loving then losing gives you a deeper understanding in the important things in life - if you have done any statics in re-marriages of people who have lost a loved one then you would be aware that re-marraiges after grief are significantly higher than any other re-marraige - but I am assuming you are just speaking from your own wealth of information. 3) True love has not limits or boundaries. Veronica loves Jeremy past the confines of this life, in addition to her love for me, and certainly more than you are capable of understanding - mostly because you don't know her - but even more than that, I know that she loves me in the same way!! 4) I am 10000% committed to my wife and even though tough spots may come, love never fails! 5) Once again, I am no replacement for Jeremy - not with Veronica or Faith, Caleb, or Carter! However, I am a dad, and I love them like my own. I get to spend time playing with them, teaching them, holding them, loving them - so when you say that Veronica is not thinking about her children, I would love to know in what way - is it better for her to live single forever? To not parent together? To not have a father figure in the house? I can assure you that no one is as committed to their children as Veronica! Its one of the reasons I love her SO much and one of the first things I noticed about her. My daughters are SO blessed to have her as a mom in their lives because she is an outstanding caregiver, encourager, playmate, listener, story-teller, hair-dresser, friend, and supporter to all 5 of our children. So, while I cannot control the way that you think, I hope that in some small way I have shed a little light into your world and at least you may be able to make a better assessment of our relationship so the next time you feel the need to speak into someone else's life with your "words of wisdom" remember your wisdom is quite limited to your own life.

Calvin Mo(o)re said...

I cannot BELIEVE someone would leave such an UGLY comment to a newly married woman who has gone through such and had to make God-ordained, yet gut-wrenching decisions. I've followed this blog for the better part of a year and watched things unfold in a way that only God could have orchestrated. It INFURIATES me to know that anyone would shame a widow/bride in such a ugly, ungodly, and vile manner. Steve, thank you for "manning up" and defending your bride. Not that you need my blessing or my defense. We don't even know each other, but your heart for your wife shines through in your response. Congratulations on your wedding and may your marriage be a blessed one!

Anonymous said...

AMEN Steve!!! May God bless you and Vee with an incredible marriage and long life together!!! You are an outstanding guy....do you have a brother??? lol!!

Brad L said...

Anonymous,

You are not only extremely ignorant but you obviously have some inward issues with your own life if you are passing judgement and opinions on people who you obviously don't even know. I wish I knew you, only so that I could put a name in my prayers to God to help you find the peace, joy and eternal happiness that Veronica has found...

Hugsy72 said...

I've been reading your blog for a long time. It broke my heart when you lost Jeremy and then your brother. And it made me feel so warm and fuzzy when I read about you meeting someone so wonderful.

One thing I know, is time is not a measure of how much we miss someone or love someone. And no person has the right to judge. I read the "anonymous" comment and it makes me angry! It wouldn't be right to write what really went through my head when I read it. Then I read Steve's post and actually cheered! He is obviously a wonderful man!

Enjoy your well-deserved happiness!

Oh, and here's my two cents on the new name.....LOVE IT! I am not a fan of hyphenated names, but in this case it makes the most sense and I think you are wonderful!

Kierstyn said...

To Vee and Steve-
Congratulations and the best to both of you!! So happy for your family of 7!!
And to the person who left the hateful comment- don't comment on something you know nothing about!

Love to the family!
Kierstyn

Lynda Saxinger said...

Wow - I don't know you very well Steve, but I can't help be proud of you and your defense of your wife! Anyone who has seen evidence of Veronica and your relationship can see that Jeremy has not been forgotten or cast aside but is alive in your relationship. Congratulations Veronica and Steve! (And Vicky Lindsey - I love what a fierce friend you are! You rock girl!) Love you guys! Lynda S.

Kierstyn said...

Steve and Vee,
Best to your new family of seven! Way to show all of us how to love!
And to the person who wrote the hateful comment - don't write and comment on something you know nothing about! Be ashamed of yourself!!!

Love to the Cunninghams
Kierstyn

rsobering7 said...

Well said Steve! I am so sorry someone would try to diminish your marriage. I pray you have a long loving wonderful life together...all 7 of you! Congratulations! Hope you are having a wonderful honeymoon!

Amy Vine said...

Wow. That's harsh. You obviously a) don't personally know them b) need to grow a pair, it's rather cowardly to make those comments and not state who you are. Did your mother not teach you that if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all????

Meg said...

I think that about sums it up, Steve. Brilliant!

Renia Flaishans said...

What an awesome response Steve!! I think Vee and the kids are so lucky to have you!

Renia Flaishans said...

What an awesome response Steve!! I think Vee and the kids are so lucky to have you!

Stephanie said...

Amen to that, Steve! God bless both of you on your marriage and the union of your families. This is definitely a family which love created.

The Jessie James Gang said...

I really like that guy.
Don't let anyone steal your joy. You know where it came from assuredly.
Congratulations to you all!

Janet Cunningham said...

I may be biased because I am Steve's mom but I am thrilled to see the way Veronica and Steve honor and support each other. They both have been given a wonderful blessing in finding each other. It is obvious to anyone who knows either one of them that they are totally committed to God, each other and to the 5 beautiful children they have the privilege to raise. I'm sorry that some people find pleasure in bashing others and pray that they will someday have the opportunity to experience the beauty of a relationship such as Veronica and Steve's. Veronica, David and I love you more each day and are so happy to call you a part of our family.

Lynnetta P. said...

I am sure that this was a tough decision to make and I was wondering what you would do. I am sure that if I was in your situation, having the same name as my children would be very important to me, but I would also want to be bound to my new husband with the same name. I think you made an excellent choice! It seems to honor your children and Steve and, yes, even Jeremy. Steve is so eloquent, there is very little I could add to his comments. But, I will say I love Steve, and now I love you. You are so blessed to have found each other. I guess you two just didn't have enough excitement in your lives already. ;)

gwpierce73 said...

This is gonna be fun. To that anonymous moron: I'd love to slap you a couple times! You are rude and obviously ignorant. It's easy to say things like that hiding behind a computer screen, although there are those brave souls who will still spew garbage to your face. Doesn't matter which one you are, you're still a moron. Give me your number and we can discuss this over the phone. I doubt you are married. I'm not sure why someone would marry a person with an attitude like yourself. If you had balls, I'd kick you in them pretty hard. Man, that felt good to say. Jesus got angry too sometimes. I wonder if he would say what I did. I'm not as eloquent as my great friend, Steve. I just say it as I see it. Don't forget about your number so we can have a nice chat. Blessings!!!

Lisa said...

Congratulations to you both! Vee, I have not met you but I have followed your blog for more than a year, and feel that I know some of your heart. Thank you for sharing your joys and your sorrow, your triumphs and your struggles. Seeing a piece of your soul has made me a better person, a better wife and mother.
Even when the world says/writes hateful things, please know you are loved. It is only the grace of God that could have brought your little family through the time after Jeremy's death, and only the grace of God that could have brought Steve into your life when you needed him, someone so obviously crafted to partner/parent with you.
God's blessings on a long and happy life together!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

Congratulations, you guys! I think your testimony is awesome and such an example of God's love and redemption.

I don't know why people say mean things, other than hurting people hurt others. I had to enable comment approval on my blog after one particularly bad comment. Yikes!

~Kathryn

Tamara Johnson said...

Perfect. I'm only a little disappointed you didn't go with Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. Hee Hee. Love you, Mrs. King-Cunningham. Oh, and I personally believe that any anonymous comment should be crumpled up and thrown in the trash. If that person doesn't believe in what they saying enough to claim it, why should I? Thanks for again proving my point. I pray you are blessed in a way such a powerful way that the bitter wall you built around you is broken down.

Danielle W. said...

congratulation veronica and steve! I hope you guys are enjoying your honeymoon! I love the name Vee! I think it is an awesome tribute to Jeremy and a great testiment to steves love for you in supporting having Jeremy in your lives. I caan't wati to see what new adventures come y'all's way and I will be praying for y'all, this marriage, and your children.

Danielle W. said...

congratulation veronica and steve! I hope you guys are enjoying your honeymoon! I love the name Vee! I think it is an awesome tribute to Jeremy and a great testiment to steves love for you in supporting having Jeremy in your lives. I caan't wati to see what new adventures come y'all's way and I will be praying for y'all, this marriage, and your children.

mollygirl said...

I am so happy for Mrs. King-Cunningham (I love that way that sounds ;c)) and Mr. Cunningham! You both deserve nothing but the best!! There is a reason that you 2 crossed paths and became one, may God continue to bless you and your 5 beautiful kiddos :c)

LOTS of love!

Molly

P.S. Steve you ROCK!!!

Jill said...

Anonymous - YOU are disgusting. Shame on you.

The Olson Family said...

Tears in my eyes! You have such an amazing man! Wrap your arms around him tight!

I love the choice you made! It symbolizes everything that you are!

I hope that your honeymoon is fab!

Anonymous said...

Love the name choice! I too was curious what you would choose and was hoping you would go with King-Cunningham. If anyone has a doubt about how you, Steve, Jeremy's family, your 5 children, and friends feel, (I am a unmet friend) they haven't read your journey from the beginning.

Dear Anonymous, your pain is obvious, for that I am sorry, please reach out for help. I will pray for God to guide you in a direction that is healing, for you and those in your life.

Cari

Anonymous said...

One more thing, I applaud you both for leaving the anonymous comment up. That shows courage and provided a great opportunity to share how God's love is alive and well.
Cari

Miranda said...

What's the old addage --walking a mile in anothers shoes? You can never judge - especially if you've never been there!! not knowing you and steve from adam, however, steve's response should affirm any misgivings about his character, intentions and your love for each other. I know that your jeremy is peaceful knowing you and the kids are being in his presence. There is no manual for this. You just get through it. Congratulations xs 100000. Enjoy your life, love and happiness. (side note, i guess no blog is safe from naysayers. Keep on keepin on)...miranda

Miranda said...

What's the old addage --walking a mile in anothers shoes? You can never judge - especially if you've never been there!! not knowing you and steve from adam, however, steve's response should affirm any misgivings about his character, intentions and your love for each other. I know that your jeremy is peaceful knowing you and the kids are being in his presence. There is no manual for this. You just get through it. Congratulations xs 100000. Enjoy your life, love and happiness. (side note, i guess no blog is safe from naysayers. Keep on keepin on)...miranda

gwpierce73 said...

Anonymous - Not even sure if you'll read this. I felt much anger toward your comment and still do. I called you a moron and mentioned wanting to kick you in your special place. After some reflection, I remember that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against Satan and his demons. I am angry that Satan worked through you to say what you said and I want to kick him in his special place. You were created by God and He loves you despite what you do. You were just sharing your opinion like the rest of us and there's nothing wrong with that, although I strongly disagree with you, but it's how you feel. The part of your comment I really have a problem with was mentioning that they are the trash that you talk about children having a different name than their mom and dad. Referring to them as trash that you gossip about! Can you really love Veronica as a friend, but consider her trash? Yet, you wished Veronica the best. I question your sincerity with wishing them the best. I don't really believe you feel that way. Try not to let Satan work through you. Why not spend your life loving and building others up? Show grace, mercy, and kindness whether you agree with a situation or not. I'm speaking all this to myself as well. Steve and Veronica - hope you are enjoying your honeymoon and be careful which beach you might wander onto.

Randa McClure said...

Vee,

Its funny you wrote this blog. When you first told us that you and Steve were getting married, the very first thing that popped into my mind was "hmmm, wonder what she's going to do with her name!?". I couldn't imagine you taking the King away (because that's just "who you are"), but I also couldn't imagine you not having the same last name as Steve. In my humble opinion, having the same last name is a visual sign of unity amongst a couple. After you got married, I have been diligently watching your FB to see if your name changed. I normally don't like the hyphenated name thing, but in lieu of the situation...I found it to be absolutely fitting. Plus, God really is a pretty smart guy...because the two names just "mesh" well and flow together harmoniously, almost as if they were meant to go together.

In regards to "Anonymous". Steve couldn't have said it more eloquently, and with more class if he tried. Well done. I am glad I read his response, before I got to the bottom & added my own...as there is no promises as to what may have come out (I may need to sit on the front row come Sunday after some of the thoughts that ran through my mind). I couldn't be more impressed with the courage & class that both of you have. Rest assured, to me (and everyone else who knows you), we all see that this comment as being purely ignorant and tasteless. Sadly, it appears this coward is just jealous of you guys, and this was their inappropriate way of expressing it.

Enjoy your Jamaican vacay together! Best wishes to you both on you sweet new marriage!

Jess Hover said...

Praise the Lord! It's beautiful and perfect! You guys are amazing & Steve is already doing an incredible job caring for you. I'm so encouraged by your lives and am praying for you regularly. God bless you both! So excited for your growing family!!

Val said...

Hi Veronica and Steve,
Congratualtions and I LOVE the hyphenated name and would have expected no less through my enlightened understanding of Veronica and her journey through the many blog posts over the past eigtheen months. Anyone who has really READ them can see clearly who you are, Veronica, and where you are coming from. Your continued love of Jeremy is OBVIOUS, amazing and also expected. The way you have kept his spirit alive and close, expecially to your children, is most honorable and precious. Finding another deep and wonderful love is a blessing you are so deserving of and something which many of us never have once in a lifetime, never mind twice. It is simply a testament to the godly, wonderful, strong, amazing (shall I go on?:) woman that you are and will continue to be. Anyone who doesn't get it or any nay sayers don't deserve a second of your thought or emotiions. Just revel in your blessings. Sending you all love. Val

Maria said...

Congratulations. I am so happy for you and your family. Obviously Vee is a wonderful person as measured by those who love her. I think the hypenated name is perfect and God Bless ALL of your children. I can tell they are loved greatly by all.

Diane said...

Ah Veronica...I have followed your story ever since my friend Faith Anderson told me to pray for you because you had just lost your husband and you were about to have your 3rd child. I have been so blessed by your life. By your testimony. I cry, I laugh, I pray..I applaud. I feel like I know you but have never met you. Don't let anyone or anything discourage you. You are on a beautiful journey. People made lude, rude and unacceptable comments when my husband and I got married. They said it would end, I was a gold digger, I was using him..etc. I almost backed out. That would have been the most horrifying mistake of my life. Why? Because I didn't find him. He didn't find me. GOD put us together. 11 years now and God is still faithful. So you move forward. You don't have to answer to anyone for your actions. I love this family whom I've never met and so excited to see where God takes you. God Bless this family, watch over them, keep them safe and Father I pray in Jesus name that a fresh and new anointing falls. Refresh them and bless this union YOU put together...in Jesus name..amen. <3

Anonymous said...

Veronica - I don't know you, but we have many mutual friends and I've followed your journey. I commend your willingness to put yourself out there for us to get a glove into your journey. I'm sad that this openness caused someone to feel the need to criticize, but clearly you have many people supporting you! I wish nothing but happiness for you, Steve, and your family.

Anonymous commenter - H. Jackson Brown said it best: "Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others."


Best Wishes!
Laura

Liza said...

I did the same as you. For the same reasons. It really bothers me when others, even family, take my first husband's name off when addressing me. It is like a slap to my face. :( I wish you all the best in with Steve.

Missy said...

Hi Vee.
I've been following your blog for a couple years now (I really can't believe that it's been that long) but it was before Jeremy's death.
Your journey is so encouraging to me. It is a testimony to God's faithfulness and the power of His love. I don't think that people get replaced in our hearts but that our hearts continue to grow in our capacity to love.
Anyone who has read more than one blog post knows that you are still crazy about Jeremy and also crazy about Steve.
And I'd like to give a virtual high-five to Steve. Way to take up for your lady. :)

Sarah Beth said...

Wow anonymous...if I ever get to meet you I am going to give you the biggest hug and just squeeze the mean right out of you. I live in Rochester Hills, MI Or go to my blog and email me for a meet-up! :) XOXO

Sarah

Anonymous said...

Don't let anyone squander your happiness. I have prayed for you to be able to have love and happiness find you again, and I'm so greatful the Lord made that happen. For all seven of you, God has blessed you with each other. I'm sorry you had to see the hurtful comment and I'm even sorrier there's someone out there who feels that way. I hope someday they find the love that you have, because clearly that's what they need. Enjoy this new phase of your life!!! I couldn't be happier for you and your family. God is good!

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

Our son has my last name so when I got married I hyphenated my last name. After 16 years, it still is the right thing to do.
Matter of fact, my husband is sometimes called Mr. Berry...and he'll respond to it!

Me said...

After all these amazing uplifting (minus one) comments, I don't feel like I have much more to add. Just know that I, a stranger, am praying for you. And through your blog I have been encouraged to constantly seek God for my relationship with my Hubby. Thank you for being so willing to be open and honest. Have an amazing marriage!!! :)

Patti McClelland Bass said...

I dropped my middle name and my last name then became my middle name. My children were grown, but it seemed important to keep that part of my life part of my name. I wish God's richest blessings on
you and your new family!

Anonymous said...

That's such a beautiful solution!

Anonymous said...

Hi Vee.

I have been a follower of yours for many years. I remember the feeling of losing my breath when I read the first post about Jeremy's passing. And I also remember the giddy joy I felt when you announced that you had met another. This has been such a hard journey, and your love of all, including Jeremy, Steve and your children is more than evident.

A couple of years ago my husband had a brief affair. He confessed it to me, ended it, and we immediately entered counseling. One of the things our Life Coach made clear to us is that when someone else's buttons are pushed, and they exhibit anger, it's because they are dealing with a FEAR of their own. I always try to remember that when I am being attacked by someone.

Even this weekend, my husband and I were celebrating our anniversary and I wrote an anniversary post on my blog. I received an "Anonymous" comment from someone (I think I know who since VERY few people even know about my husband and my troubles a few years ago) that said, "How many times does Most Wonderful Husband have to cheat on you before he loses that status ... just wondering ... and since you won't be posting this moderated comment, everyone will continue to believe the glossy facade of your life ... soon, it too will crumble."

I was so hurt by that. First, it was my anniversary, darn it! Shame on that person! But I talked with my husband about it and we discussed how that person must be very miserable with her life right now to lash out at me because I am happy in my marriage. It disgusted me that she was looking forward to a day when my children might be without their father.

She does not know the power of forgiveness and true love, even in the midst of temptation, mistakes, and hardships. I love my husband and forgive him, as he forgives me for my MANY sins against him as my husband. (Affairs do not end marriages .. the issues leading to affairs do.)

Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that story for some reason. Steve is an incredible man to defend you and your 5 children in such a way. I am certain Jeremy is relieved that he is the kind of man who has stepped up to help you raise his children.

God bless you two. Please keep writing! I can't wait to read the joyful posts again.

Nicole

Paloma said...

I am just reading all this (since someone made a comment on the newest post saying that "Anonymous had previously showed up") ... wow... I had never read Steve but he's awesome! You truly found a great man! And he truly found a great woman! What a blessing!!! Even happier for you now!

Anonymous said...

I hope that nasty commenter ends up with 14 kids, with 14 different baby daddies, AND 14 (make that 15)last names. HOW RUDE!!! Congrats again to you both. Lisa

Anonymous said...

I only ever spoke to Jeremy a few times at GLCC ... I wouldn't say we were friends, or even acquaintances really, but I will say that even in those brief interactions, the kind of man he was raised to be was absolutely evident. There was no doubt about it, he was a stand up guy.

I was at evening service in Toronto when they announced his passing, and I'll never forget the feeling that washed over me in that moment for his sisters, his mother, his family, his friends, and of course, his wife and children.

I knew this blog existed, but never read it. Friend or not, these things weigh heavier on me and affect me more than I think they do most people, and so I'm sorry to say I tend to shy away. But yesterday my sister told me of this post in particular, and so I decided to read. I've never met you Veronica, but the strength and character you've shown as a Christian woman, a wife, and a mother, is ... admirable? That word comes across so weak in comparison to what I know I'm trying to convey. Words cannot express how proud I (a complete stranger!) am of you.

And of course, I don't know your new husband. But his comments on this post suggest that while he'll never replace Jeremy for you or your kids, he's just the person that all of you need to stand firm and help you work through, enjoy, and actually LIVE the rest of your lives! Quite frankly, I'm pretty certain that he's exactly the kind of man Jeremy would want taking care of his family in his physical absence.

God bless you all! xx

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