and baby makes EIGHT!

Little poppy - officially due November 30th!

It's been several weeks now since Steve and I announced that we were pregnant with baby #6. I've been wanting to sit down and write ever since then and for some reason (plus 5 other reasons), I haven't been able to.

Lemme start by addressing the very rude comment I received after we posted the video:
"we don’t love the idea of having 6 kids"
If you cannot financially afford another child, please do not do so! Seriously, I do not want to pay for your baby. Just because you can, doesn't mean you shouldnt. It won't fix things. Filthy.
I hope things work out for you :)
First of all, I love the smiley face at the end...like it's supposed to undo the hurtfulness that proceeds it. I also love how this person who continually writes ridiculous comments (most of which I delete) can never quite figure out their grammar or how to spell properly. When we addressed having kids in our Q&A last year (you can read it HERE), we were both on the same page about not being ready to have more kids. But before I go into detail about how that all changed, I would like to point out that our decision has nothing to do with finances, and I'm not exactly sure how anyone thinks they are paying for OUR children! Our decision to have a baby was not to 'fix' anything, but rather to celebrate our family and our relationship. It was not a decision made it haste, but one that came through a lot of prayer and discernment. If you also read in that answer, I talked about someday wanting to adopt, so adding another person to the household was never really off the table. If you don't want to live at my house with six kids...well, you're not invited anyway, but you certainly don't have to! You make your own decisions and I won't judge and how about you offer that same grace to others, ok?

I won't continue to waste any more breath on that comment. The only reason I even published it was because I know others (who are much less rude) were also curious as to how we came to a place of not wanting more children to embracing the idea of one more. Now that is a topic I am happy to talk about.

Ever since last year, Steve has always mentioned the idea of having another baby. I chalked it up to the fact that he LOVES babies and always wants to be holding one (sometimes he borrows friends' babies at church just to hold them), or the fact that we are both curious what it would be like to have a child together. We love our children and we think they've blended really well together, but we always talk about redeeming my last pregnancy and giving Steve the opportunity to experience the pregnancy of his child the way a father and husband is supposed to, since he really missed out on a lot of that before. But again, I continued thinking this was playful banter.

But then Super Bowl Sunday brought us to a friend's house to hang out, and another couple from church brought their brand new baby girl along with them. I kid you not, Steve held that baby at least half the time we were there, maybe more. And it suddenly dawned on me that maybe Steve really would love to have another baby. The drive home really felt like Deja vu....so much like the drive home from Canada when Jeremy and I talked about having baby #3. I cried, I prayed, and I had to open up my heart to the possibility of having another baby. Because it was a door I never really opened, I had some grieving to do. Grieving for the fact that I might have a child that would not be associated with Jeremy, and grieving again the loss of experiencing this journey without him. But as Steve and I talked and prayed through everything, my heart leaped at the exciting possibility of creating life with him and walking through this journey with him, and with our kids....who at this point, had been begging us to have more kids!

I won't lie - I am scared to death of being pregnant. I am terrified to reliving the past and losing everything. But I know I cannot let fear captivate me and keep me from living life to the fullest. I told Steve as long as he could be patient with me and handle my PTSD, I was willing to venture into this very scary unknown. After I found out I was indeed pregnant (btw, once we decided to go for it, I was pregnant within 2 days...CRAZY!) I couldn't sleep for a few days. I get anxious when Steve is away from home and I don't hear from him for awhile. I worry that once I hit the 6 month mark, I may be a hot mess. But then again, maybe not. Watching Steve get excited, and watching our children get excited has eased so much anxiety for me....and it's contagious. I AM GOING TO HAVE A BABY - this is good news no matter what kind of package it comes in!

We are thrilled to bring our family together in a solid way that no one can take away from us. We are honored that God has given us the privilege to once again care for another one of His children. Our kids could not be more excited...they kiss my belly on their way to school (yes, even the oldest!), they ask me constant questions about how I'm feeling, how little poppy (the baby's nickname) is doing, praying for us both every night...it really is the sweetest thing.

I really couldn't think of a better Mother's day gift this year than to know the love I receive will be getting multiplied by one more beautiful miracle this year!


Jane said...

I am the youngest in a family of 5. Both my parents had 2 children each from their previous marriages. I'm the only one they had together. Life wasn't always easy financially, but we made sacrifices and were fine. And NEVER, not even once, did I ever feel like the only child with half siblings. We have always been one big CRAZY family! Your life is going to get A LOT busier and even HAPPIER!!!

Angela said...

I'm so glad you addressed that crappy comment. I wanted to say something myself, but decided some would be offended by the number of times I used the F word. I'm so happy for your family. How you manage, I will never know! Two is more than enough for me. I prayer that you allow yourself all of the happiness and joy that will come with this pregnancy with as little guilt and sorrow as possible!! Just remember, Jeremy is excited to see you happy!!

Kristin said...

Oh my gosh! I'm just seeing your news for the first time! I cannot even believe those hurtful words over something so beautiful! Congrats to you and Steve!

Danielle said...

I love the grace you have when addressing the rude comments that seem to keep coming. i am sure there will be hard times and scary times, but from what you have written about steve, i think you will be just fine. It makes me happy to hear how the kids are blending and their excitement. With the chance of possible bringing it up for the first time (but i doubt it) and for sounding rude or mean spirited (that is not my intent), what are you feeling about the baby coming close to Jeremy's passing day? I only ask because I know it is hard for me to be excited or happy around those days I've lost someone.

Angela@JumpingWithMyFingersCrossed said...

Happy Mother's Day! So happy for your family!
And thank you for once again being so open, honest and brave--it is inspiring to read.

Anonymous said...

Happy Mothers Day. Your story is beyond beautiful. I've yet to understand why anyone who chooses to follow your blog would leave such hurtful comments. I've followed your story for years now and amazed by where you are now!! It truly is beautiful. God Bless!!

Kria said...

i don't usually read the comments just your posts. i am so sorry someone could be so hateful and continue to read your blog. You are very inspiring as a human being and a christian woman. This baby is a representation of you and Steve's love for each other. God bless you and your family!

Wanda said...

1) Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Psalm 127:3

Anyone who says a person should not have kids has obviously not read the Bible.

2) I love how you've approached the whole pregnancy! And yes, just from reading about Steve, it seems pretty clear that he really wants another baby! What a gift for him to be able to experience this as a father should. And what a gift for you, to be able to once again experience the joy and anticipation of new life, created with love.

So many blessings will come from this pregnancy and baby!!

Jennifer said...

I haven't been on your blog in a while and am just now seeing your news. I scrolled back and watched the video. Precious! So very happy for you!

I remarried in nov after my husband died in 2011 and having a child together (I have 2 and he has none) is still in the air. Praying about it and looking for peace about it.

Again, thrilled for you! And, to that jerk that left the rude comment.......it's horrible when ONE ugly comment can erase all the good. What are you trying to accomplish by hurting this sweet family?

Jess+the Mess said...

I'm a former widow who has been in a similar situation as well. I remarried very quickly after I lost my husband to brain cancer in 2010. I married a widower and he and I discovered that our marriage was not going to be a marriage of 4 hearts, us and our late spouses, but we were instead going to be faithful to OUR marriage vows and make it a marriage of two. Reading your comment, "Grieving for the fact that I might have a child that would not be associated with Jeremy, and grieving again the loss of experiencing this journey without him." Really makes me cringe. I feel that you are committing a form of emotional adultery on your husband. You claim to be a Christian and according to our Biblical beliefs it's the two shall become one and we are also called not to think lustfully on people who are not our spouses. In dwelling so heavily on your loss, on Jeremy, and the fact that this baby will have nothing to do with him, is really a sad disservice to your current husband and to your marriage.

Anonymous said...

Hello! I've been following your blog for a while now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from New Caney Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the excellent work!

Rachael said...

Congratulations and best wishes to you all. Having read much of your journey, I am so pleased that you have found new joy and abundance in your life.

Jill said...

So happy for you. And for goodness sake I hope this is the LAST time you feel the need to justify your life.

Emily said...

Congrats on your new bundle of joy! Such exciting news.

I am also pregnant and due November 25th! :) best of luck to you!

Emily said...

Congrats on your exciting news!

I'm also expecting and due November 25th! Best of luck to you and your family!

glenda said...

I am soooo happy for you, Steve and the kiddos.

I don't think you need to explain to the haters anything about "why you chose to add to your already beautiful family"!!!

The best to all of you and the little poppy! Hope you had a beautiful Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations! The people who have judgement for you, the amount of kids you are having, or the way that you are or aren't grieving, are simply insecure about they way they are doing those things. That's all it comes down to. It's not even about you. Don't give it another moment of the precious time you have with your beautiful family! ;)
May you have a wonderful pregnancy. May it remind you of new life, and love without limits! God bless you all!

Anonymous said...

When you say these things to Veronica, i hear the insecurity you have about your feelings. Because it might be something that makes YOU feel as if you are cheating on your husband, or just because it makes you cringe, or just because you feel that you couldn't call yourself a christian while missing or grieving your first husband during your pregnancy, does not mean that it is or should be that way for Veronica! The bible NEVER addresses the situation of loosing a spouse and grieving even after you have another spouse. It isn't the same as grieving a spouse that lives across town or in another state. God's grace is big and beautiful and I'm sure when Veronica runs her hands across her belly and tears up for Jeremy's sake, He sheds a tear too.

k said...

Jess- you really are a MESS!

Anonymous said...

"Jess+the Mess said...
I'm a former widow who has been in a similar situation as well. I remarried very quickly after I lost my husband to brain cancer in 2010. I married a widower and he and I discovered that our marriage was not going to be a marriage of 4 hearts, us and our late spouses, but we were instead going to be faithful to OUR marriage vows and make it a marriage of two. Reading your comment, "Grieving for the fact that I might have a child that would not be associated with Jeremy, and grieving again the loss of experiencing this journey without him." Really makes me cringe. I feel that you are committing a form of emotional adultery on your husband. You claim to be a Christian and according to our Biblical beliefs it's the two shall become one and we are also called not to think lustfully on people who are not our spouses. In dwelling so heavily on your loss, on Jeremy, and the fact that this baby will have nothing to do with him, is really a sad disservice to your current husband and to your marriage."

Um...?? Wow. Vee, forgive me for the rampage I'm about to go off on. You can delete this comment if you feel it will only add fuel to the fire.

In 2008 I lost my three children in one of the WORST possible ways. I was a WRECK. As a matter of fact, I spent 2 weeks in a mental hospital for attempting suicide, and have been on Zoloft and Xanax ever since. I CONSTANTLY grieve my three children. CONSTANTLY. Am I unhealthy? NO. Am I not accepting the journey God has allowed me to walk on? NO. In 2010, two very short years after losing the children, my second husband and I found out we were expecting a child. I was HORRIFIED. I spent the majority of my pregnancy scared to death, balwing my eyes out, shaking, throwing up out of fear, and the LAST thing on my mind or heart was excitment, thankfulness, or joy. I worried that I was unfit to love another baby. I worried I was unable to love another child. I worried that I would lose her too. I was NOT ready to bring another child into this world, and the LAST thing in this world I wanted to do was to have another baby. I was not healed, not even close.

Then something absolutely amazing happened. I gave birth to her, and my midwife placed her on my chest. In that EXACT moment, something in my icy cold heart melted, and I fell head over heals in love with my daughter. I still grieve my other children. It is still very hard. But you know what? It turns out that the very thing I thought I could never do again, God in His grace and mercy saw fit to give me, because HE knew it would bring healing.
How dare you judge another person for his or her feelings. Am I a monster for resenting the fact I was pregnant with my daughter? Am I not walking in the grace and will of God because I truly, deeply believed that I could NOT possibly do this again? NO!!!!!! God knew exactly what He was doing. God knows exactly what He is doing with Veronica too. And in HIS timing, and His timing alone, she will heal. Don't you EVER judge another person for where they are in their OWN PERSONAL journey! How she feels in none of your business, and last of all, you need to fully evaulate you OWN heart, because clearly, you have some serious issues.

Anonymous said...

Oh and Vee (I was so angry before, I forgot to mention this, so you don't have to publish this comment as well if you don't want to, lol), let me just say, CONGRATULATIONS again! You are such an incredible inspiration to me, and SO many countless others. My church womens group prays for you and your beautiful family, often. As for your feelings over Jeremy and this newest little one, those feelings are PERFECTLY normal! As I said in my pervious comment, I was literally horrified to discover I was expecting again. I felt so many horrible things about the whole idea of EVER being a mom again that I was positive I could never love another child the way I loved my other three babies. I nearly had myself checked back into the hospital again... But my daughter was my saving grace and the perfect healing I needed, and God knew that all along. I can NOT imagine my life without her today.. and to be perfectly blunt, if I had not had her, I am sure I wouldn't be here today.. Here's the thing, you will find your own moments of grace and healing with this child. This baby is going to unite you in a way you never thought possible. Last but not least, as I'm sure you already know, give yourself time with everything. Just take one moment at a time and try and rely on the fact that God has His hand in all of this. Love you, and think and pray for you all the time!

Anonymous said...

Your one of the most amazing and Godly women I know. For someone to say such a hateful thing is beyond me. It sounds like pure jealousy. Even in your mist of grief,you have proven that God still reigns and great things come out of horrible situations. You have a beautiful family and this little person will only add more beauty to your family.Good luck with your pregnancy and I wish you all the happiness in the world! ~Sherry Lazdinsh.

Anonymous said...

Hi Vee,
I've been following your blog for quite some time and I have to say I am absolutely THRILLED for you and Steve. What a blessing! I came from a large family, and love my parents and all my siblings more than anything. I live 2000 miles away from my parents/siblings (because of where I chose to go to college) and we are still as close as ever. Don't let people with narrow minds and broad tongues rain on your parade. Thinking of you and praying for you and Steve as you start your exciting journey (back into parenthood!).

Love from Minnesota, Kristen

Anonymous said...

Jess - Holy Crap, are you freakin' kidding me? Vee is one of the most Christian people I've ever heard of. To accuse her of not being Christian and saying she is committing any sort of adultery on Steve is just INSULTING and believe me if you were here I'd have quite a few choice non-Christian words for you.
Vee, I love you and Steve and the life you've built so don't listen to idiots like this Jess-person. If I could I'd slap her upside the back of her head for you.
Brooklyn, NY

rrhondarat said...

It always astounds me that people seem to have forgotten that just 1 or 2 generations ago, having 4+ kids was THE NORM. Both of my parents came from families that are "big" by today's standards, but were normal then. They shared a bedroom with one or more siblings. The whole family shared a single bathroom and, if they were lucky, a TV (which you usually shared with everyone else on the street who didn't have a TV. My mother grew up without a TV). The younger kids rarely had brand new clothes; they always wore the things their older siblings had outgrown. I don't understand why we now think it is unhealthy and morally wrong to make kids share those things.

If you can afford to provide nutritious meals, a safe place to live, decent clothes, (and, since you live in the US, medical care) and, more importantly, the time and energy to provide love, attention, encouragement, and discipline to another child, there is no reason you shouldn't have another child if you want to. I think you will find what Nicole did: this child will help heal your still broken heart.

To the thoughtless person who wrote the rude comment: Did you miss the fact that she is already pregnant? You didn't say how she was supposed to not have a child she's already carrying. Were you actually suggesting that this grieving CHRISTIAN woman MURDER her unborn child simply because YOU think they have too many children? FYI, she makes a little money off this blog every time someone reads it, so if you don't want to pay for her children, STOP READING IT.

Anonymous said...

I haven't lost a spouse, but my ex boyfriend committed suicide 13 years ago. Do I still love him? Yes!!! Very much so. Does that mean I am committing adultery now with the man I chose to marry? No!!! The man who died is no longer an option. It's a sad, painful reality. The painful experience made me who I am today. It's part of my life story and has taught me many life lessons. Life never works as planned. Ever.

Anonymous said...

hI Veronica so happy to hear about ur pregnancy i was so happy & surprised it only took 2 days for you to be pregnant.. i been trying for the past 5 months & it hasnt happened to me yet which its been frustrated and sad, it has taken & emotional roller coaster for me.. any advice they tell me that only in my fertile days it can happen but nothing ..i would much appreciated

carrieg said...

congratulations to you and steve. blessings on your growing family. you have been and continue to be an inspiration to so many. it's unfortunate that one bad apple spoils the bunch. what ever happened to the ideas of doing (and SAYING/WRITING!!!) to others what you would want done to you and if you arent able to say something nice, not to say anything at all...

Janelle said...

Hi Vee! I started reading your blog shortly after Jeremy passed. Just over a year ago, I got a new laptop and didn't transfer over my blog list and hadn't read your blog in that amount of time. For whatever reason, you were on my mind the last few weeks so I fired up my old laptop to look up your blog and WOW! I can't get over how much has changed! I don't usually leave comments but that was a really crappy comment you received and I just wanted to say this:
I am SO happy for you, Steve and your new family! I'm so happy you found happiness and I completely understand it does not diminish your pain and make your life with Jeremy any less important. But I am happy that you have such a wonderful man to continue on with life's journey and I want to offer you both congratulations on your new baby (love the name you've picked out!). Congrats again and know that not everyone on the internet is a trolling meany. :)


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