see

I don't know what to say or write. My heart is heavy. Another widow blogger expressed what I'm feeling so well. "The procession of time and the procession of the heart truly do not move at the same pace." This is so true.


I'm stuck. But I leave here the lyrics that have been on my heart today.


I miss you baby.
I love you always.


Right now all I can taste are bitter tears
And right now all I can see are clouds of sorrow
From the other side of all this pain
Is that you I hear?
Laughing loud and calling out to me?

Saying see, it's everything you said that it would be
And even better than you would believe
And I'm counting down the days until you're here with me
And finally you'll see

But right now all I can say is, "Lord, how long?"
Before You come and take away this aching
This night of weeping seems to have no end
But when the morning light breaks through
We'll open up our eyes and we will see

It's everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And He's counting down the days till He says, "Come with me"
And finally

He'll wipe every tear from our eyes
And make everything new
Just like He promised

Wait and see
Just wait and see
Wait and see

And I'm counting down the days until I see
It's everything He said that it would be
And even better than we would believe
And I'm counting down the days till He says, "Come with me"
And finally
We'll see

Wait and see
O taste and see that the Lord is good
The Lord is good
The Lord is good
O taste and see that the Lord is good
The Lord is good

-SEE, Steven Curtis Chapman

show me

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me


-Show me, Audrey Assad

A Broken Hallelujah

source

Ironically, after posting about wanting to write more, I feel compelled to leave someone else's words today.

This song had actually been sent to me by several different people. I couldn't listen to it for awhile because I wasn't even ready to offer God a Hallelujah, even a broken one. This weekend, though, these words came to life for me:

With my love and my sadness
I come before You Lord
My heart’s in a thousand pieces
Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment
You’re with me somehow
And You’ve always been faithful
So Lord even now

When all that I can sing
Is a broken hallelujah
When my only offering
Is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration
Will rise up from these ruins
I will worship You and give You thanks
Even when my only praise
Is a broken hallelujah

Oh Father, You have given
Much more than I deserve
And I have felt Your hand of blessing
On me at every turn

How could I doubt Your goodness
Your wisdom, Your grace
So Lord hear my heart
In this painful place

Hallelujah
I lift my voice
Your Spirit moves
I raise my hands
I reach for You


A Broken Hallelujah - Madisa

Divine Inspiration

The past few weeks, we've started a Wednesday night series @ church about Worship. It's really been a interesting class so far, I've really enjoyed it. This week, we were challenged to write lyrics as homework. I've always wanted to write a song, but have never been disciplined enough to sit down and do it. I decided I really wanted to challenge myself to do this homework and come up with something. I thought it was going to be a lot of work. Well yesterday, on my way to work, a song just came to me (along with the melody). I've never experienced anything like it before, totally divine inspiration. And all through work I had stuck in my head (I managed to write it out and finish it my head during work) and I woke up singing it this morning. So, at the risk of vulnerability, I'd like to share it. The title is 'FIND ME' :

When this world

falls apart around me

my only hope

is that You'll find me

Lord You know all my hopes and fears

Lord You know what I need from here

Thank you for the Truth when I have nowhere to run

Thank you for your Love when I feel so alone

Thank you for the Hope I thought had fell through my fingertips

In the midst of the storm

thank you Lord

for finding me.

Lord sometimes

I see dark days

and all I want is for you

to take it away

But you know all my hopes and fears

and you know what I need from here

Thank you for the Truth when I have nowhere to run

Thank you for your Love when I feel so alone

Thank you for the Hope I thought had fell through my fingertips

In the midst of the storm

thank you Lord

for finding me.

When the rain falls down around me I think I've lost my way

When lightning strikes and thunders roar I fall to pray

And you find me...

Thank you for the Truth when I have nowhere to run

Thank you for your Love when I feel so alone

Thank you for the Hope I thought had fell through my fingertips

In the midst of the storm

Thank you Lord

For finding me.

Maybe soon, I'll record it so you can hear the melody.

Strong Enough

I've had the lyrics to an old Stacie Orrico song stuck in my head for the past few days, and thought I'd share:

"Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?

Is there anyway to be made whole again?

If I'm healed, renewed, and find forgiveness, find the strength I've never had

Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?

Is He not strong enough? Is He not pure enough?

To break me, pour me out and start again?

Is He not brave enough to take one chance on me?

Oh can I have the chance to start again?"

This song is one of a very short list of songs that can bring me to tears. The words always pop up in my head, every now and again. I struggle with a never-ending battle of control. Control to do things my way, in my time. And every time my plans fail, I wonder why. These words remind me of the amazing grace of God. My favorite part is 'Will my scars forever ruin all God's plans?' I'm so thankful that God is bigger than any trouble of mine. That I can come, broken and shattered, and still be used for His purpose. That every day, I get the chance to start again.