1.05.2011

Anger Management

I had another dream last night about Jeremy, but this one was very different.

I don't remember it quite as vividly, but I remember being very angry. I was sitting with a group of women, and someone walked in late. I instantly got a bad vibe from her, turned away from her and started talking with other girls. Later on, we were gathered in a circle taking prayer requests, and this woman kept interrupting everyone and being very rude. She started making 'ridiculous' prayer requests (I don't know if those actually exist, but in my dream, they certainly seemed to be) - and my face and neck started to burn in fury. Finally, I burst into tears and starting shouting something like: How dare you? You have no idea how insensitive you're being. I'm sitting here suffocating in the loss of the love of my life, and all you can do is sit there and be petty about things that don't matter?!? How incredibly disgusting.

I wish I had recorded this dream this morning when I woke up, cause I've already lost most of the pieces. I think Jer was there somewhere, but now I can't remember.  All I remember was wanting to make this girl feel awful. As awful as I feel. 

Then today, I went to get a pedicure while waiting for the kids to get out of school, and had to listen to a very loud woman go on and on and on about the horrible month she'd had. Only to her, a horrible month meant traveling too much to see too many people and hitting terrible traffic each time. I wanted to leap across the room and slap her.

I wish everyone got the memo. I wish people knew so I wouldn't have to explain it. At the same time, I'm so relieved to walk into a place where no one knows my situation and gives me that look. I hate that look. I don't want anyone to treat me differently, and yet I do. Does that make any sense? No pity, just sensitivity.

I've realized that I've spent the majority of the last few weeks being angry, especially over the holidays. Angry at God for allowing this to happen at one of the worst times imaginable in my life. Angry that I have to sit back and watch my friends grow old with their spouses, celebrate anniversaries, go on family vacations....the list never ends. Why am I the one suffering? I'm going through something most people will never come close to experiencing. I'm in the club no one wants to be in.

I read other blogs about people who have lost loved ones and found that I actually started comparing our situations. At least they got 20 years together, I only got 8. At least they didn't have children to worry about. At least their kids are old enough to remember their dad. At least she wasn't pregnant. They couldn't possibly have loved each other as much. I know all these thoughts are ridiculous and hurtful, and yet, there they are. I couldn't stop them. Anger was seeping out of my pores.

I think what happened was me feeling like I wasn't allowed to be angry. Even though I know people have good intentions and I don't get offended easily, people say stupid things sometimes. Things they mean to be helpful that make no sense or are hurtful instead. I didn't want to hear "Thank God Jeremy left you with 3 beautiful blessings." Yes, my children are blessings. Yes, they are the reason I'm still standing. But Jeremy would never leave them with me alone. And forgive me if you think less of me for this, but had I known I was going to have to do this alone, I wouldn't have gotten pregnant either. 2 kids is a lot. 3 was scary, even with Jeremy but he was the one I did it for. Without him, it seems impossible. The 'single mom' scene scares me, because I'm terrified of what people will assume. I did not choose to do this alone. I never worried about happily ever after, cause I had it. We were in it to win it, so I never doubted it. 

Even more infuriating are the people who say things like "God chose this path for you because you are strong and knows you can endure." I will admit that my faith is weary right now, but I refuse to believe that God chose this for me. There are much more qualified people than I to handle this. Who aren't pregnant. Who don't have young children. I believe God is walking this with me, and I believe in a God who allows me to be angry and hurt and ask why. I read this the other day:

Though we know God is not to blame for any death, so many times it seems that he turns a blind eye by allowing his permissive will to occur. He stands dead-center when we are looking for a target. I'm convinced that God loves us so much that he is willing to take the blame, to absorb our anger when we need a punching bag. I think he would rather have us yelling at him than not speaking at all.
-Leslie Williams (Night Wrestling)

I have to hold on to this with every once of faith I have left, otherwise, what's the point? I can't believe in a God who chose to make me miserable. Who chose someone like Jeremy to go, when he still had so much good work to do on Earth, while there are horrible people still walking around. Once I realized that God allows me to be angry, I became less bitter. Anger is still there, but it's really a derivative of confusion and not understanding why. Slowly creeping in it's place is a deep sadness and loneliness I can't begin to describe. It's a sharp pain that I can only hope on it's best days will be a dull ache I'll somehow learn to live for the rest of my life.

There's so much on my mind and heart lately, I don't think it all came out very clearly. For all those who have commented and left condolences, please know I appreciate them all. I'm not angry at anyone for any comment they made, I know their intentions are good. I'm just trying to make sense of a world I no longer understand and I recognize that people don't 'get it.'

I know anger is supposed to be a part of this whole process, and I've faced it head on. I just don't know what the next step is. 


50 comments:

Kate said...

I found your blog through the Love Bomb project, and now I follow your posts.

I think you are remarkably brave for coming here and sharing your most intimate thoughts - I really admire you for that.

I don't think that God or anyone else chose this for you. I don't think he chooses terrible things to happen to anyone. I think that life just plain SUCKS sometimes, and is completely unfair - and what has happened to you is just plainly, utterly unfair. I am so sorry that you are hurting.

I think anyone who has lost someone close to them knows that other people say things like "he chose this path for you" because they just don't know what else to say. I don't think this happened to you because you are strong, but without knowing you personally I do think that you are incredibly strong.

I'm not really a prayerful person (at 25 I am only now beginning to explore religion and spirituality, so I'm not sure I'm quite "qualified" to pray yet!) but I will hope for peaceful moments for you(however fleeting they may be), and send warm thoughts your way.

Christine said...

Still thinking of you and praying for you. I found the quote you used very profound. Thank you for bravely putting yourself out there.

Amber Smitherman said...

Praying for peace, strength,and understanding during this unimaginable time.
"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later." Romans 8:18 (New Living Translation)

Zookeeper Jess said...

*hugs*

I know it's not enough and it does nothing to help.

I know there is nothing in this world that can help you or fix the pain you're feeling.

I pray for you every night.

*hugs*

Amanda said...

Vee, Thank you so much for your willingness to be open about how you feel and what you are going through. Please know that if you need anything at all just let me know......I love you Vee!!!!!!!!!!!

carol said...

No, God did not plan this for you.
People don't know what to say, so you get the same old statements. Your anger is reasonable and understandable. It is NOT stupid of you to be afraid to be a single mom of three, or a single mom at all.

You are always in my prayers.

Bridget said...

Not sure how I came across your blog, but have been reading for a couple months now. I'm not sure what to say that you probably haven't heard already, but wanted to tell you about another blog I read. You might have already seen it, but he lost his wife 27 hours after their daughter was born. His site is mattlogelin.com. He even created a nonprofit organization in her memory that helps others that have lost their significant other.

You have such amazing courage and I know that God and Jeremy are with you at all times.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your lose I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. You are an incredible women and my families hearts and prayers are with you. Not that you are in a reading mood but angie smith's book I will carry you has gotten me through some harder times in life I hope it helps : )

During this season the lord stands beside me, he weeps. He weeps not for the barren ground of winter. Nor does he mourn the Browning branches. He cries because I can't see what he can. And in the fluttering of the breeze, with my heart pressed to his, I can hear him whisper, " spring will come, my love". - Angie smith

Anonymous said...

Hi Vee
I've written before (my husband died in the tree stand accident right before Jeremy). I'm on day 75. I'm angry. People say we are so strong when we are raging inside. I hate the platitudes yet I know I've said them all myself. I don't have kids and sometimes I think "at least he/she has a reason to get up in the morning", etc. I guess it doesn't matter what we have or don't have - we have lost our love, our life.
Again - you are my voice for what I cannot verbalize. One breath at a time.

Karen Peterson said...

This whole thing just sucks and I'm sorry you have to go through it.

Allyson & Jere said...

Vee,

I don't know if I ever gave you this link or not. But, one of our dear friends lost her husband AND son in May, and they were all she had. She has a blog, and it's been incredible to read her journey through this. So, I'm gonna give you the link. Go back to June, i think that's when she started writing again and read. I think you might find it interesting, if nothing else. You did get the shaft and you ARE in a club noone wants to be in. It sucks, and it's not fair, and it's SO ok for you to be mad.

http://www.mailehernandez.com/

Donna said...

Veronica, you are an amazing person with a complete grasp on a reality you never wanted to know. Just keep talking to God and all the people who love you...

miss katie said...

I just emailed that quote to a group of friends I volunteer with at church. I love it.

Not sure if you have read Erynn's blog, but http://roonfam.blogspot.com/ is the story of erynn, who lost her husband in a plane crash when she was pregnant with her youngest.

i'm not sure if it will make you feel better, worse, or just nice ot have someone to empathize, but i thought i'd pass it along.

i haven't commented before, and i don't know where i found your blog, but i continue to pray for you and your family.

miss katie said...

Hi Vee - thank you for continuing to share your story. I'm not sure if you have seen this:
http://roonfam.blogspot.com/ but Erynn lost her husband in a plane crash 2 years ago, and while pregnant with their 2nd child. I'm not sure if it will make you feel better, worse, or what, but at least someone else can empathize.

And thanks for sharing that quote - I think it's so profound, and I actually sent it to some friends I volunteer with at church.

I continue to pray for you and your precious family!

Katie

Nicole said...

Girl, I don't know how you could be expected to be anything BUT angry! I'm angry for you, too, as many are. The truth is ... you will make it through this. But the emotions you have to endure along the way are yours to embrace and you owe no explanation.

Praying for you, Vee.

Nicole

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

*Hugs* No words to say but I hope you find the next step so you can move forward.

Roger P Mulligan said...

hey Vee,

like Forest Gump said so well, "shit happens" and unfortunately, it does, and it's random. according to the K├╝bler-Ross model (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model) bargaining is the next step. hey - you asked! love uncle Roger. and yes, I'm looking at you with that look.

Sheri said...

I don't even know how I came across your blog but I've been reading since you lost your love. I just want you to know that I am praying. I have probably posted before, I can't remember, but it bears repeating.

By the way, I am with the quote. I always say "Go ahead and tell God you're mad, He already knows, He's just waiting for you to come to Him."

Brooke said...

Hugs to you. It's okay to be angry, and every other emotion you feel. They're normal parts of grieving.

Frugal Jen said...

Praying for you. It seems appropraite and justified to feel angry. So glad you can express your emotions. We in return can pray for you. Specifically I continue to pray that he will come to you in your dreams to help give you peace and strength.

Jessica said...

I haven't really commented since this has happened to your family because I didn't want to be one of those people that said something insensitive, not meaning to of course. All I can say is I'm praying for you and your family.

I have a blog I've wanted to share with you. I heard of this woman from my work (I work for an insurance company). She speaks at companies about life insurance after her husband was killed. She was pregnant with their second child at the time of his death. You may or may not want to read it but I thought I would put the link here just in case...
http://taranewby.blogspot.com/

Vicki said...

xoxo... Praying for you unceasingly. I know you already know that, but this is one of many reminders! :) If you're ever curious about what questions your friends are asking ourselves or of God, let us know and we'll tell you. You just might be surprised that they're somewhat similar to yours, just from another perspective. We love you so much, always and forever!

Anyes said...

I am giving you a giant virtual hug, and wish I was able to do more.

Heidi said...

I am still praying for you and your little ones daily. I understand how you can be so angry - it sucks to loose the the life you have dreamed of. It has taken be three years to get to where i am at and there are still days where I am so angry at things that happened to me after the birth of my daughter. It is okay to be angry, it's okay to be angry at God and ask questions.
I will continue to pray for you and your family, God IS holding you in the palm of his hand.

Anonymous said...

I do not believe God chose this path for you, I believe we all choose our own path before we come to earth. But no matter what you believe, this IS your path, and you have no choice but to go down it. You make your own rules about how you want to go down it... there is no "right" or "wrong" answer except to yourself. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm sending lots of love & light. I like this passage from a book called "When Things Fall Apart":

"Things falling apart is a kind of testing and also a kind of healing. We think that the point is to pass the test or to overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don't really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It's just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.

When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we don't know what's really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don't know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don't know. We never know if we're going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there's a big disappointment, we don't know if that's the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.

Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don't get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It's a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.

To stay with that shakiness--to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge--that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic--this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation--harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration."

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Some blog I read posted about you and I wanted to send you another blog I read. I don't know you or her but you have been dealt the same hand and thought you might benefit from reading her story. Sorry if I am intruding.

http://roonfam.blogspot.com/

Missy said...

I love that quote. That's what I think is great about the Lord. He will be whatever we need him to be in whatever season of our life.
Praying for you.

Brooke said...

I just wanted to say I know that some comments are very hurtful. My husband was diagnosed with leukemia when we were dating, and people would say things like: "Everything happens for a reason" and "God did this so someone else can come to know Him."

I almost punched some people in the face. No offense to other people, but why must my husband have almost died from leukemia for them? And I firmly believed that he did not get leukemia for any good reason-he is one of the best people I know. Shouldn't like murderers get cancer?

I took comfort in Ecclesiastes, and I really began to grasp that this happened because we live in a sinful world full of darkness--not because God was using Blake or there was some nefarious reason for it.

I hope that this post will help others to simply say, "I'm sorry for what happened. I can't know what you're going through, but I'm here for you if you need to talk."

You may not feel very strong, but you are. :)

Sarah said...

I think of you & pray for you often! That won't be changing anytime soon!
A couple years ago someone (I think on a blog I follow) talked about a friend of a friend who had lost her husband in a car accident. She had a little girl and was pregnant. Here's the link to her blog: http://sweetcarolinebaby.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Offering you HUGE, GIANT hugs!! Go ahead and be pissed as all get out. People definitely do not know what to say...You are amazing!

Praying for you and your family from Chicago,
Amy W.

Amanda Carew said...

I don't even know what to write to you without sounding cliche, or just saying something that is something I imagine you wouldn't want to hear. But I just feel that I need to say something, as I first read your blog a couple days ago, I sat there with tears streaming down my face as I read your blog. i don't even know you, yet my heart just BREAKS for you. I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

It makes me laugh that someone said to you that YOU choose your own path..because if that were the case I am pretty sure you wouldn't choose for your husband to die. Just saying.

Praying for you Veronica! You are always in my thoughts...

Unsinkable Kristen said...

Dude, that sucks.

Everything about this sucks and I am so incredible sorry you have to walk this.

Rebekah said...

You are doing remarkable. God absolutely did not CHOOSE this for you. It just happened. We live in a crappy-falling-apart world and nothing about it is fair.

Anger is healthy and healing and the people that love you the most will never judge your feelings or reactions. Don't take to heart anyone that feels otherwise. The world AND church could use a good dose of sensitivity.

You may not ever be able to say that you're thankful for where life has landed you...but you will be thankful for the perspective that this experience gave you. Never again will you give trite, meaningless "encouragement" and you'll look at the world with realistic, God-viewing glasses.

God is with you. And he doesn't mind serving as a punching bag. He loves you, Vee, and will be faithful to the end.

Anonymous said...

You have voiced my uttmost fear, for I am pregnant with my fourth and never thought I would have four! My husband works and I stay home with all the kids. I feel so vaulnerable right now. What would I do if something happened to him?? Now I have a glimpse into what or how I would feel. I know no words can help and only God and time seems to be the answer but know this: You expressing yourself has been so real and raw that it has helped me to know, that no matter what happens, it won't be easy,I would take one day at a time and that is okay! I have never read anything like what you have written, so THANK YOU for being so bold! So many women hide in their pain and to keep from embarresment or 'bothering others'. Im so glad you didn't for it just leads to isolation, depression ect. You have inspired me to be open and honest like you and I think your amazing. I will pray for your family. So sorry to hear of your loss, I think your doing a great job with what your 'given'. God bless!

Anonymous said...

My heart aches for you. I can't imagine your pain and I am so sorry you are going through this. It doesn't make sense now, one day it will. I lost my father to suicide Oct' 09 the same week we were to get our results from our invitro procedure after years of infertility (which was negative). I felt like I lost my past and my future within two days of each other. By the grace of God I am surviving and feel hopeful about my future again and you will too.

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog brought back a time in my life when I went through what you are now. My memory is horrible when it comes to my past, but for as long as I live I will never forget the details, emotions, expressions, and people present when I was told that my husband had died in a car accident on his way to work. It happened on December 26, 1989. My husband and I had been married 3 and a half years. Our son was 2 years old at the time and I was pregnant with our second child. The feelings you are describing in your blog are exactly how I felt at the time. I can remember nights when I would get my son to sleep in my bed and I would go to the bathroom, shut the door and cry and vent my feelings to God. It was a struggle because I was angry at God for letting my husband die while at the same time I felt I had no right to be angry at the God of all creation. In time I began to intensely read the Bible to find some sort of answer or reasoning. I came to hate Romans 8:28 because I knew that I had loved God, and yet He didn't work for my good. I started reading Job because I decided that I was suffering unfairly just has he had. I came across Job 5:18. "He wounds. But he also bandages up those he wounds. He harms. But his hands also heal those he harms." It became my theme verse. Job also said that bad things happen to good and bad people alike and I learned I was no exception. Job 16-17 were exactly what I felt and I gained some comfort in knowing that I was not alone in my misery. Job 38 was a slap in the face, but I started to understand that there are many things in life that I will never understand this side of heaven, but God would somehow see me through my loss just like he did Job. I continued to read the Bible and God continued to lead me to healing words. My favorite passage was Lamentations 3:21-27, 31-33. After I read it the first time, I started reading it every day and it became balm to my wounds. It may feel like it right now, but God will never leave you or forsake you. Just like an open wound takes time to heal, so a broken person takes time to heal. Anger is a normal part of the grieving process and there is nothing wrong with you expressing it in the way that you are. Just know that God doesn't want you to stay there. Grab on to him and don't let go. Study his word and ask him to speak to your broken spirit. He wounds, but he also heals. His word promises as much. I will be praying for you along with a whole host of others who are praying on your behalf. Know that you and your children are being lifted before the throne on a regular basis and find strength in that.
Becky

Malou's Mama said...

This post reminded me something I posted on my own blog. Our situations are completely different but I can empathize with the anger you feel.
Here is something that gave me a bit of comfort ... even though it talks of a baby, I think it can still relate.


"The good minister who spoke at the baby’s funeral service said, ‘Do not be afraid of crying for him, because tears of love are able to heal the wounds of love. Such wounds are not healed by forgetting, but by remembering in such a way that memories are healed. The saints of old were wise when they spoke of tears as a gift, a healing flood to wash clean the soul.’

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes … blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted. But there is no comfort now, there are only the empty arms and the empty cot. How are we to live with this emptiness which will never be filled, the broken promise of a life that never unfolded?

Anger, there is so much anger. Anger for a life denied is a wholesome healing anger. And if part of that is anger at a God who we thought was kind, and who now brutally turns his back, then so be it…

A God we cannot be honest with is no God. If we bow the head and say, Thy will be done, when our heart is aflame with protest, we only increase our own pain. Better to rail, rail on God at the passing into night of this small sweet innocence than to assume unreal acceptance. And then, with small steps, treading the way of sorrows, we may gradually, or perhaps with blinding suddenness, look up from the dark road and see – see that He has been treading the Way with us, holding us when we faltered, giving us the strength to go hesitatingly forward."

Sheila Bovell, 1988

Lots of love to you and your family.

Malou's Mama said...

I posted a comment earlier because your post spoke to me and it made me think of a quote that was helpful to me in terms of allowing myself to be angry, also at God...but now I realize that considering my circumstances and the fact that you're pregnant, it was incredibly insensitive of me to write that. I am so sorry and I sincerely hope if you have read it that it does not cause you any additional pain. I was trying to be sensitive and ended up being the exact opposite. :( I hope you can forgive me.

Jamie said...

I've been following your blog and am heartbroken by it. I love what Malou quoted. Its OK to be angry. Its real. The pain u r feeling is real and your own. Its so difficult to not compare our own situations to others when the grief is so real, but to others their situations may be as raw and painful as yours. Its tough to discern someones elses grief when we are deep in our own, but that doesn't make your pain less real. I like to think of dreams after someone dying is a way of dealing. The dreams have sol much symbolism. Many people r praying for you.

Gucci Mama said...

I lost my love nine years ago. We weren't married and we didn't have children and so I do not imagine I could possibly put myself in your shoes, but I understand your grief and your anger and confusion and the wondering if it will swallow you whole. It won't. It'll feel like it, but it won't.

I wish I had better words for you, or a better way to help.

Much love to you and your sweet babies.

Kim said...

Veronica, I just saw your cute little pic pop up on my page! I'm so glad to see you there! Yeah! Thanks for hopping on :) My post will be up tomorrow at some point, I'll shoot you an e-mail when it goes up. Gucci Mama is jumping on, and she's beyond fabulous. BEYOND. Also? That one comment from anonymous? Throat punch 'em. Just sayin' :)

Beckie said...

I'm the worst at sharing my sympathy because I try so hard for my words to express my feelings and I always end up looking like a jackass. But I hope that if you read this, the only part you get out of it is that I am so incredibly sorry. I am sorry that this happened to you and your family. I don't know you but I will be praying for you and your family with all my heart. If there is ever anything you need, please let me know!

Beckie said...

I'm the worst at sharing my sympathy because I try so hard for my words to express my feelings and I always end up looking like a jackass. But I hope that if you read this, the only part you get out of it is that I am so incredibly sorry. I am sorry that this happened to you and your family. I don't know you but I will be praying for you and your family with all my heart. If there is ever anything you need, please let me know!

The Queen said...

Hun, I was angry all last year. Once I got through that first year, it didn't get easier, but the edges got a little less sharp. There will come a time when you can smile again. I promise that. I didn't believe it when other widows told me that, the first year, and certainly not the first month.. but.. you will smile again. the anger is all part of it.

Two weeks after he died I stood in my driveway..in town..and screamed at him because the mirror fell of his truck when I opened the door.

yea.. people looked funny at me..then they remembered.. it's the anger stage.. it to.. will pass someday..

Anonymous said...

The rest of the world that goes on NEEDS to hear your story. That lady that was gripeing when you were getting your nails done... tell her! Tell me! Tell people! It puts things into perspective for us. We all need reminders of how fragile life is. And how blessed we are when we don't even realize it.
I know a man with 3 young children and a wife who's life expectacy is 2 yrs or less (cancer). I so badly want to ask him what he can teach me about day to day living.
So, Veronica, Tell us! Remind us. It doesn't matter how it comes out or if you will offend. We need to hear it.
Thanks for sharing.

Crisc@JusKeepSmiling.com said...

I lost a sister in Feb of last year (totally not the same as your situation)but I had the angry feelings and I still do.

When people would leave comments on my FB , I was doing the same thing as you. I compared, certain things people said pissed me off, like "God does everything for a reason" I DON'T LIKE IT. I think I was even mad at GOD for a while and questioned his existent. Thought if there is a God why would he take someone like her away. Why would he cause so much pain. (I still question that)

I could never imagine walking in your shoes. I don't know if you speak w/ a counselor or a support group but I think that will be the only thing that saves my family. Every month that goes by for us gets harder so please if your not already do so.

If you ever have a day/night were you need to vent, write, etc you can email me chrissee21@yahoo.com

I will be thinking of you and your family

Red Shoes said...

I have no words of wisdom... just other than I do understand...

*hugs*

~shoes~

JoAnn Smith said...

Bless you. I lost my mother when I was young, and it left a hole in my heart that will never heal. I feel her absence every day. . . 42 years later. Your children fortunate to have you, and they will keep you going. God bless all ofyou.

Pat Doell said...

Dear sweet girl - this is coming from a mamma who lost her only son, my beautiful Christopher. He sounds so much like your Jeremy. He was married to a beautiful lady, just like yourself, and he was tragically killed in a snowmobile accident, almost 4 years ago. He had been married to his best friend, Louanna, for 7 years and they had a 3 1/2 year old little boy, with baby number 2 in Mommy's tummy. Caleb was born one month after Christopher died. I truly understand your heartbreak and pain. After 4 years it's still remarkably painful to deal with. Please email me at we'll talk, dear sweet girl. kpdoell@sasktel.net. Love from Mamma Pat

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