I think I'm starting to realize what really matters.
I also think it's stupid, unfair, and absolutely heartbreaking that it takes such tragedies to make people realize what's really important. Don't get me wrong - you knew you were my number one. I always knew what was important, but now I KNOW.
When I think about the future it scares me half to death. I don't know what I want to do or where I want to go. All I know is I want to be surrounded by all the people I love. I see friends working their tails off to reach some monetary reward and I actually pity them now. I used to be one of them. I see statuses of people bragging about cool things they're doing at work, which is all well and good, but it's not what matters most.
On a day-to-day basis, I plan most of my time trying to figure out who I can spend time with. Lucky for me, I have a lot of incredible people in my life. And every time I get to see them, my thought is "I wonder when we'll get to hang out with them again" I know this situation I've been brought to can be used for good, to see what other cannot see. I'm trying to hold onto in and not resent it. Right now, it's still difficult. But I see the amazing men and women in my life, or your parents and sisters, or my mom and dad and brother, or those three little blue-eyed beauties we made - and I know.
I know what matters most.
Help me hold onto it babe. I miss you so very much.
I love you always and forever.
-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died
DAY 16: For Now
I woke this morning
At three o'clock
To crying in my ears.
I calmed my child
Tucked her in
Then thought of all the years
Of diaper changes
Newborn cries
Feedings in the night
And told myself
Someday I'll sleep
But for now I'll hold her tight.
6 comments:
Reading your posts is helping me to realize what matters most. You have had an impact on my life, and how I view my family. Thank you.
YOU are amazing Vee. Reminds me today at church we were talking about our Identity in Christ and how his plan for our life is nothing what the worlds plan looks like. The world will tell you that you are losing but God tells you how much you have gained by believing and loving him!
I was sitting here bummed out about the stupid job I have after getting a degree and wondering if I'll ever get life figured out. Thank you for bringing my self-pity back into perspective. Somehow, reading your stuff always does. I hate that it took losing Jeremy and watching you grieve and grow stronger everyday to keep reminding me how precious life is. Keep writing though. I'm not sure you realize how many people you and Jeremy are still touching. Your blog reminds me everyday to be a better wife and a better mom because we just never know how much time we have. I remember Patrick telling us before that you may just be 1 out of 10 people that it takes to help a person learn about Christ. I think you are part of those statistics for me. You are helping me see what it really means to be a Christian woman and have faith beyond all circumstances.
Thank you.
You are so right, I am just starting to realize that myself. We are expecting our first child and I won't be working for the first time in 10 years. I am sad I won't be working but like you said in your post, family is what matter most.
After Jer passed all I wanted to do was be with my family. It just sucks that it takes sonething so heartbreaking to remind us whats important.
Exactly what Moosey Mommy said. You help me cherish what matters most, and you've certainly impacted my life. Seriously. And I thank you too.
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