12.01.2010

Bittersweet

The last week has been madness. So many things going on, so many loose ends to tie, so many reminders of how my world has been flipped upside down.

I've been wanting to blog, but don't know what to say. I don't know how to go back to 'normal'. I don't know how to move on from all of this without sounding trite, or forgetting the affect this has on every facet of my life. I've been journaling and writing one long, continuous letter to Jeremy but a lot of it is uncensored, angry, and hard to swallow. And I didn't want every entry to be written to him, but that's the easiest way to get my feelings out and feel like he is still listening right now.

So, I guess I can start by telling you about my day yesterday. What a whirlwind! Some of you already know, but I got an incredible visit yesterday from the local radio station, Channel 955, who brought with them a truck full of Christmas presents, furniture, gift cards, food, a Christmas tree, and my sweet friend, Sarah, who nominated me for the "Breaking and Entering Christmas," for families who are experiencing misfortune during the holiday season.

They woke me up at 7am, and filled my living room with joy. I beg of you not to look at the pictures of the 7-o'clock-just-got-out-of-bed-crying-and-haven't-showered look I was sporting, but the podcast will give you a better idea, and you can hear the letter that Sarah submitted (which quoted this blog, btw):

(There are 2 parts, both dated 11/30/2010)

I spent the rest of the morning on the phone, on Facebook, talking to everyone and anyone, watching my kids play with their new toys, and trying to walk through my house. It was craziness.

If that wasn't enough, some of the staff from our church came over to go over my finances with me. They've got some well educated people willing to help and I'm so grateful, as finances were my second biggest worry after our beautiful kids. They've allowed me to cut my debt in half already, just through making those horrible phone calls I didn't want to make. What a blessing.

I went on to tie up some more loose ends over the phone, while Sarah (my other amazing friend Sarah, who I've blogged about before, and is moving in with me) cooked dinner for friends coming over. After dinner, all our friends helped us pack up the basement to prepare for the demolition and remodel that some incredible people have volunteered to do for us. 

The truth is, I smiled more yesterday than I have in 3 weeks. I'm so grateful for all of these people that are doing so many things to try and ease the pain. But it is all bittersweet. Seeing my house filled with gifts made me wanna cry because Jeremy didn't get to see the joy on the kids' faces. Watching our financial burden decrease made me sad because Jeremy wouldn't get to benefit from it with me. Packing up the basement was hard, watching all of Jer's stuff get put aside, packed away, and taken down. I wanted to crumble knowing all these things that Jeremy wanted to do for his family were getting accomplished without him.

I went to do a load of his laundry before bed last night....totally oblivious to the impact it might have. I didn't think anything of it till I lifted up one of his dress shirts to my face, smelled the faint hint of his cologne, and my knees gave out from under me. I sat and sobbed over the basket of dirty laundry that I inevitably was unable to put in the washer to forever erase the scent of his presence. 

I hate that I had to lose everything that mattered in my life for these blessings to occur. I wish I could give them all back if it meant I could bring him back to me. People keep speaking of all the good that has come of this tragedy - I've seen so much already - and yet selfishly I can't find enough good to justify the suffering my family has to face.

Today, I am going to finally visit Jer's tree stand, the spot where he fell. Since he's buried in Canada, I wanted to have a place close by that I could honor Jeremy, and set up a place for the kids and I to visit, pray, talk, bring gifts, etc. I've already got a box full of letters and pictures from the kids. I know it won't be easy, but I feel like I need to be there. And I know Jeremy will be there with me.

290 comments:

1 – 200 of 290   Newer›   Newest»
Nancy said...

I wrote you yesterday about my husband having fallen from a tree stand also.
You are my new best friend. LOL
My husband was on relative's property when he died and they left the tree stand up per my request. I have gone there several times. Took some plastic and a blanket and sat under the tree. At first I cry but then I sit quietly and listen to the wind and the birds and just feel. I now know why he liked to sit in that stupid stand for hours. It's been 5 weeks for me.
Thank God for family and friends.

Karen Peterson said...

I'm so glad that you are surrounded by such wonderful people that are taking care of you during this time.

You really don't sound selfish AT ALL when you say you would rather give it all back if you could have your husband back with you. That's what love is all about.

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

That is awesome that you have such amazing friends and community but I totally agree I'd rather have my husband than all that "stuff." I'm glad you got to smile, that makes me smile. I was driving today and started thinking of you so I'm glad you posted. *Hugs Vee!*

Jessie's Girls said...

I was happy for you yesterday when I saw the news about your blessings - but I could imagine the ache at not being able to share it with the one who would be most excited for you and the kids to have it. Its a hard walk. But I know God is going to keep showing you He loves you in various and unexpected ways throughout all of this.

Nicole said...

I can only imagine the pain and anger you are experiencing. I don't think anybody really expects you to see good in your circumstances. I think people just say that as a way to try to comfort you. I'd be mad as hell if I were you! Honestly, I'm mad as hell over a whole lot less most days. You will survive. You will go on. But it won't be easy. I think what you can see, though, is that you are very loved! Keep breathing.
Nicole

singedwingangel said...

Sweetie my heart just aches for you and it is sad that the good things seem to fall in line with the life changing ones that we never saw coming. did you ever think Jeremy has a hand in all these people as well. I think he does. I think he knew that you would need this now more then ever and made sure it came about..

Allyson & Jere said...

It does sound like amazing things happening for you, which is wonderful, and well deserved I'm sure. BUT, I totally understand you desire to give it back if you could just have him. I'm glad you have such fantastic people all around you holding you up and helping you get through each day. You are amazing, and I pray the Lord continues to bring these blessings your way.

Lucy Marie said...

These are amazing blessings and people are reaching out to try to ease the pain but no one would ever ever ever expect you to feel as though these blessings will replace Jer or take the pain that you are feeling away. It is not selfish, whatsoever to wish you could give all of those things in order to have Jer. Not at all. I think of you so many times through each day and I will continue to do so. And p.s. ... the laundry can wait.

Anonymous said...

I can't put myself in your shoes and I know that people "mean well" but they can't understand the pain, bitterness and all the other feelings all wrapped up and tangled in your heart. I understand. I understand that you need to take time and be angry. People say it's a sin to be angry. But scripture says, "Be angry and sin not" it doesn't say don't ever be angry. You need time to get all these feelings out and no words from the dearest friends can do that for you. Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you feel. The most important thing is to not shut God out. To allow Him to love you even if we feel this was preventable. Allow Him to walk with you through it...and remember you are so loved and nothing you can say or do can change that fact.

Kim said...

I know some of how you feel. My husband's mom passed away from cancer earlier this year, at the age of 53. Because of her life insurance policy, we've basically become debtfree, we've been able to buy a new camera, camcorder, a nice playset for the kids, pay off our van, and have some money in the bank for cushion. All that is nice, and I appreciate it all, but ya know what? I'd give it back in a heartbeat to have my mother-in-law back. I know you are grateful for what people are doing for you, and I am grateful for our financial security we now have, but I know we'd both rather not be in these circumstances, and it's hard to think of it any other way. Keep moving on day to day, be happy, be angry, be sad - grief is personal and people handle it differently. Do what is right for you and your family. Blog about Jeremy here, or journal in private, just keep writing because it will definitely help you sort out your feelings.

Anonymous said...

JEREMY LOVES YOU!!! And he's watching over you every minute of everyday!!!!!!

Maneki said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maneki said...

Hi Veronica, we both went to Rochester at the same time and I learned of your loss on Facebook. I just listened to the Mojo podcast and sat at my desk at work sobbing! I pray peace, love and hope for you right now. I am so incredibly sad for what has happened, and I'm glad you have such a network of friends for support right now, as well as the blogging, journaling, etc. Take care -- Eden (Swanson) Thompson

Becky said...

Can't get you off my mind...won't stop praying for you. SO much love to you.

Kara Graves said...

My days are filled with prayers, thoughts, and hurts for you. We love you so much and it hurts so much to watch you go through this. I am thankful you are able to write, I find myself just holding my breath and holding back tears as you so beautiful express your feelings. Thank you for letting us in.

Anonymous said...

Veronica, hi, I came over from Heart Cries...reading your story made me sob because I know the pain. I didn't lose my husband, but I lost my father in a freak plane crash. We were a normal family with a normal life and we loved each other intensely. Whenever I hear of someone going through something so tragic, so senseless like what we went through it brings back the same crushing pain in my chest. I am so so sorry. Please know you have strangers all over the world praying for you.

That being said, your newest post brings back the same flicker I felt just days after my dad died. I got up and spoke at his funeral telling people that my Dad wouldn't want me to use the time to talk about him, but instead, his legacy, which was Jesus. I shared the Gospel instead of my memories of my dad and an hour later while I said goodbye at the cemetery, an old friend who had left the church came to me and said, "You'll never know what you did for me today." She was in church that Sunday.

Since then my world has been rocked. Somehow God took all the pain, all the horribleness and wove the fibers into the most beautiful of tapestries. I will pray fervently He does the same for you...and I know He will. God bless you sweet Mama.
Melanie

Jackie said...

How wonderful that so many are reaching out and helping you get through this...hang in there and lean on Him.

m&msmommy said...

You don't know, but I came across your story from a blog I follow. I am SO sorry for your loss. I know nothing I say will ease your pain, but please know that I am praying for you and your children!

Love and prayers,
Christina Gomez

Christine said...

You are an amazing person to share this personal journey with all of us. I just want you to know that I have thought about you and your family (strangers to me) so much over these past weeks. I'll continue to pray for you! God Bless!

Claire said...

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Roger P Mulligan said...

hi Vee - good luck with the visit. I'm sure you'll all be sad, but what a nice spot to remember Jeremy at (I feel just like a Michigander saying that). we appreciated seeing where he hunted and died. thinking and praying for you all as you make this pilgrimage. love, uncle Roger.

laurennicolelove.com said...

Darling girl,

I have no idea what to say to you. My heart breaks reading this story, and I want nothing but comfort and peace for you. I have been told that all pain positions us for purpose - something impossible to hear in the moment but I trust that God will keep your heart close to his. Know that you are loved dearly, and greatly admired for your resilience. You will be in my thoughts and prayers - as well as your beautiful children. Never hesitate to track me down and ask me for help with anything.

Much love.

- lauren

So we fix our eyes not on the seen but on the unseen, for it is the seen that is temporary but the unseen that is eternal.

Anonymous said...

Vee, I cannot tell you how much I admire you for your strength. You are so beautiful for being so strong in such a tough situation, and if you doubt that you are, just take a look at what you're doing, and commend yourself. You really are an inspiration. Jeremy was lucky to have you as his wife, and your children are so incredibly lucky to have you as their mother. You have the strength to get through this, I know you do. Love you <3

George Moskoff Consultant said...

Vee: I'm sorry for you. This is part of the Love Bomb. I hope you can find some peace.
George
Sebastopol, California

Anonymous said...

Much love to you and your little ones, sweetie!

Kinsey said...

I am so sorry, Vee!! Your strength is beyond amazing. You and your little ones are in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

Sending love and prayers your way!

-Cloe

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to understand your pain, but know that it will ease, and that it's easing does not dishonor your beautiful husband, but is exactly what he desires for you: to live well, to love deeply, and (someday) to dance joyfully in the blessings God has given you: Himself.

Just me said...

Oh Vee, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I'm glad you have such a good support system around you - take comfort from that and know that the people around you who love you will do whatever they can to help you.

So much love xxx

Shannon said...

My heart goes out to you and your children. I won't say I know what you are going through- or can even imagine. But my thoughts and prayers are for you today. Hopefully it helps ease your pain just a bit. Jeremy is seeing all that you are accomplishing, and he is rooting for you. Much love and blessings, S

Anna said...

Vee,

I'm crying for you as I type this. My father died of brain cancer when I was 14 (I'm almost 21 now) so I know something of loss and pain. Even still, I can not even begin to imagine how you and your family are feeling right now. Praise JESUS for His unfathomable love and mercy. Don't be afraid of the sorrow for it is healing. What a beautiful opportunity you have to teach your children how to mourn well!
I will be praying for you today.
Anna <3

These scriptures have been some of my favorites for the past years...
Lamentations 3
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
...
31 For no one is cast off
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to anyone.

Angie said...

Dear Vee,

my heart is with you. I find you an incredibly strong woman, and your children are blessed with a mother like you. Jer will always be with you, but in an different kind of way of whom i know i dont need to explain to you. He loves you, and so does your children.

much love, Angie

Kamika said...

Your strength and courage is truly inspiring!

Digital_Angel said...

I know I can't possibly understand what you're going through, but my thoughts are with you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jo~ said...

My heart goes out to you and your family in your time of loss. I can't imagine the struggle it is to put the pieces back together, I can only say that with each obstacle, loss or struggle there comes with it a quiet but great strength that no words can describe. It is my hope, wish and prayer that you find this great strength within you and embrace the beauty of life and know that you are deeply loved!

Lots of LOVE and hugs headed your way!

xoxo
Jo~

Lola said...

The best of luck, dear!

Anonymous said...

Vee, so sorry to hear of your loss, there is never a good time to lose someone, but this time of year does not make it any easier. I am filled with love at the outreach of the Human spirit to you and your little ones. Allow yourself to be wrapped in all of the thoughts and prayers and love flowing your way. Your husband's spirit lives on in your little ones and over time that will bring you comfort and joy.

Bless you.

Ryan

Mandy said...

I don't think there is anything I, as a stranger, can say to make you feel better. I do want you to know that there are thousands of people thinking of you and your family right now. I'm terribly sorry for your loss and I will say a special prayer for you and your family.

xo

Anonymous said...

my heart is breaking for you and your family. i am so sorry for your loss. you will be in my thoughts.

Caroline said...

Vee, I don't know you but my heart goes out to you. What a terrible tragedy that no one could have ever imagined. No one can blame you for needing time to cry, but it's great that you have a good support system around you offering their love and help. I hope that you and your children will manage to grow closer and appreciate each other all the more.

Anonymous said...

Just know that hundreds of people are holding you in their prayers and sending you and your children positive energy during this time.

Lynda

Jenny said...

Thinking of you and your precious babies during this difficult time.

James said...

Vee,

I'm so sorry for this incredible loss and the pain that you and your family are going through. I'm glad you have the love and support of such a strong community of people. Know that you're in many peoples' thoughts and prayers. Keep writing. So much of your heart and strength is shared through your words, you're an inspiring individual.

Sending you love and peace-

James

Anonymous said...

God bless you and your family in this time of need. I can see you're a strong woman and have wonderful children to support you. My thoughts and prayers are with you through this holiday season. I'm so glad you have a good support system of friends and community that are there for you in this time of tremendous need. We are all here for you and feel free to say anything you need on your blog, that's what it's for and writing is the best medicine many times.

Anonymous said...

Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you and your little ones. I am a mom of 4 girls and I cannot imagine the pain that you are going through. Be string for your little ones, they need you more than ever... much love and Annmarie Schulte

Anonymous said...

Vee,

Please know that you are not alone. There are hundreds/thousands of people rooting for you and your family, holding you in our thoughts and prayers. I truly believe that Jeremy is with you, watching you and your family, every minute of every day. His love and concern for you will never fade away. The hardest part about death is how it makes us feel the overwhelming power of love. Take care and stay strong. ~ Alison

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to imagine how hard this is for you and my heart goes out to you and your kids.
I don't know you, but I can tell you are an amazing, strong person with a lot of faith. You can get through this!
God bless you and your little ones.<3

Renee said...

Dearest Vee =
I know that feeling, that nothing can justify the loss. Nothing does justify it. It is a terrible loss and I feel so sorry for your shattered heart. I know the pain you feel for your children as well.

You are a very strong and beautiful human being. I have faith that you will find your way through this and you will find beauty and peace along that way.

Know that you are loved, that in your deepest Heart of hearts you ARE Love.

From my Heart to yours,
Love!

Anonymous said...

wow...typing and crying does not bode well for me... Be strong for your little ones, they need you more than ever...much love and healing

Annmarie Schulte

pegkerr said...

Vee,

I am so very sorry for your loss, for both you and your children. I wanted to let you know about a foundation that might help: the Liz Logelin Foundation. It was started by Matt Logelin, who lost his wife a mere day after their first baby was born. It is a foundation for young widows and widowers, especially those with young children. Matt has been blogging his experience and is writing a book which will be out this spring (Two Kisses for Maddy) and he started the foundation in honor of his wife. Matt's blog is worth reading, too.

I was happy to hear that you have received some practical help for your church and the community. Don't be afraid to continue to reach out in the months to come. Know that there are people far and wide who are touched by your story and who are offering up their prayers for you and your family.

Best,
Peg Kerr

the grumbles said...

my heart breaks for you and your family. thinking of you, and wishing you peace and a good outlet for your soul. i hope you feel empowered to just BE- be sad, be angry, be... happy? nothing you're feeling could ever be wrong, just hard.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you that you are facing such a difficult time. Thank you for finding the strength to smile, and for sharing your experience with others so that the people around you can support you. I'll be sending love and positive thoughts to you and your children. May you continue to be blessed with kind and loving people all around you, it's the least you deserve after such a great loss.

Kristin said...

Veronica- There are no words to express how overwhelmed I am feeling for you. I cannot imagine going through what you are and still being such a strong and beautiful woman (even at 7am!, sorry… I had to look at the pictures!). I just want you to know that there are so many people praying for you and so many more who love you. You will never be alone. You will always be loved and God will always provide and love you.

Peace and Blessings,
Kristin

Anonymous said...

My heart broke when I read what you are going through. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Stay strong for the babies and know they will always love you and will always remember a piece of their father. Sending you a world of love and comfort.

The Champs said...

Hang in there! I could not imagine the hurt that you and your family is going through over this holiday season. Sending you our prays.
Jen

Anonymous said...

I'll be keeping a good thought in mind for you and your loved ones. I can't imagine how incredibly difficult all this must be for you.

If writing helps you, then write. Don't worry about people thinking you sound trite or that you're forgetting or anything. Just write, let it out. After a while, things will get easier. No, not anytime soon, but eventually. Until then, you do what you need to to help your kids and yourself get through this.If that means keeping a couple of his shirts unwashed, out of the boxes for you to hold... then do it.

You're obviously surrounded by a lot of amazing people. Don't forget to keep them close and lean on them when you need to. They're already here for you. And even though Jeremy isn't here physically, he's always gonna be there watching over you. He got to see the look on the kids' faces, and he'll get to watch you relax over financial strains. He's there even though he's not where you can see him and touch him.


Take your time to mourn him. But know that, even though a really amazing person is gone, you still have a number of other amazing people to hold on to.


*hug*

Shady Dee said...

Vee,

I'm am deeply saddened for your loss. Although I've never been in your situation, I can't imagine how difficult it has been for you. I see that you are keeping positive, and have a wonderful support system of friends and your community.

I will pray for you and your children, and your husband, God rest his soul.


- Diana

Anonymous said...

Dear Vee,

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. Jeremy was clearly a wonderful man and it is unimaginable that this has happened. A few years ago, my friend's mother died, leaving her to inherit a large sum of money from a court settlement. She said the same thing: "I'd rather have my mom than all of this money." Of course you would rather have your husband. But although I grieve for you, it warms my heart that you are loved and cared for in your community, and that the people around you have made you and your children smile. You are an amazing, strong woman. I wish the best for you.

All love, all hope,
Aleigh

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be to suddenly lose the person you thought you would have for the rest of your life. I hope that you can feel all the prayers and good wishes people are sending you. Your children are lucky to have you, and I'm sure your husband would be proud of you for your strength in the face of this tragedy.

Michele said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine your pain. I do know that God is with you and he is the ultimate Comforter. Call on Him during times of sorrow. You are an aweome mom and your children are truly blessed to have you.

Lynda said...

Vee, You are living the worst nightmare of any married couple. I know that I have not idea the pain you are feeling, but know that you are in God's palm as evidenced by the good things happening to you. I also know that you would trade everyone of those "things" to have your husband back.
I can do nothing but send you hugs.

Lynda

paper-n-soul said...

May you and your children be wrapped in the wings of Angels to bring you comfort, healing and a peaceful heart filled with nothing but warm and happy memories to share with your newest joy.

In my heart and prayers-
Deb

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of love and virtual hugs!

Anonymous said...

Vee,

Nothing that I can say will make you feel better, but please know that there are a lot of people praying for you and your family. God / Life does not give you anything that you cannot handle. You must be a brave woman for your kids. I'm sure Mr. King will always be watching and taking care of you guys. Life goes on. I send you a big, warm hug and all my best wishes.

"NOTHING REALLY ENDS WHEN YOU LOVE".

Nadia

Anonymous said...

Vee,

I cannot imagine what this must be like for you but your courage and willingness to go on are inspiring. This Christmastide you are truly a star to follow.

Love and light,
Sarah

Jen and Geoff said...

My heart is breaking for you and I wish that I had something more than words to offer you. It's obvious that your husband was a wonderful, loving person and it's obvious that you are too. I'm thinking of you and your family and sending love and prayers your way.

Tiffany said...

Vee,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I send warm thoughts to you and your family and hope you may find strength and comfort in the wonderful blessings and support you have in your life.

Lucid Anne said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Its not the same, but my baby died full term 7 months ago. So many people helped us SO much, financially, emotionally, etc.... it was overwhelmingly wonderful to be showered with so much love. But I must admit that like you, I would give it all back in an instant just to have her back. I will be thinking of you, sending you my love from one stranger in grief to another. <3

jo said...

Sending you prayers and thoughts from London, UK. So sorry to hear of your loss. He will always be with you,
God Bless,
jo

jenny miller said...

Vee,

May God bless you and your family even more in this time of need. He certainly has so far with the outpouring of love and support! I know it cannot replace Jeremy's love, but they both want you to know you are not alone. You are loved. Sending hugs and prayers to you and your beautiful family. Peace, love and light.

Tricia Jeanne said...

My heart breaks as I read this because you are living my daily fear and I want you to be comforted and loved the way I would be if something like this were to happen to me. It inspires me to see how many people are reaching out to you and helping you overcome the insurmountable grief. You are a beautiful person. Your husband is a beautiful person. You lived with happiness and love and that is the greatest blessing of all, so thank you for reminding me. I will pray and think about you to give you strength and love.

Anonymous said...

I am crying for you right now. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this, especially while pregnant. I have often thought about what I would do if something happened to my husband -- I think it is one of the most difficult trials anyone has to go through. The truth is none of us know how will we handle things until we are in that situation. And from reading this blog, you are doing beautifully. My heart and prayers go out to you.

Kylie

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. I pray your memories will keep you going and the love you have give you strength. Blessings for a 'peace -filled' holiday season.
Ann

OhMyHeart said...

Vee, I am so sorry that your family is suffering, and I think your post proves that actions speak louder than words. I'm glad you have a community to support and love you and I hope our little comments help you in a small way!
Love, Emma

Anonymous said...

Hey Vee,
I'm incredibly sorry for your loss. I won't throw out the usual stuff about how he's in a better place, just know that I'm praying for you and your family. I can see your strength through your words and I know you'll get through it.

M said...

Vee,

I'm so, so, sorry for what you're going thru. I cried while reading your last posts and I really don't know what to say to you, since everything that I think of seems non-important. I send you all my love, hugs and stregth all the way from Spain.

Lots of love,

Mónica

Warren@Power93.7 said...

I am so sorry to hear of the tragic death of your husband. It is so incredible to hear of your courage at a time like this. Know that God will be with you always. Take care.

Lucy said...

May you continue to be comforted by the love of God, the love of family and friends, the continuing love of your husband, and even the love of strangers. And be proud, celebrate your ability to love warmly, generously, and passionately, without stinting. There's a passage from Goethe which I've always thought was beautiful, and which I hope you might find comforting, as well, as a man writes to the woman he loves before he dies:

"I go before you! I go to my Father, to your Father. And I shall make my lament to him, and he will comfort me--until you come and I rush to meet you and hold you and remain with you before the face of the Eternal in endless embraces."

And in that moment, it is promised, all tears will be not only wiped away, but forgotten.

Lani Gerity said...

Dear Vee,
You are so very not alone in this experience and you are so very much loved.
Sometimes in life we just have to collapse on the laundry and refuse to wash it. It's alright.
He sounds like he was a wonderful person and you honor him with your tears so that can't be wrong, at least that's how I figure it.
Love,
Lani

Anonymous said...

Vee,

I am so sorry for the loss of your"King" I can only say do not be afraid to love, laugh, and yes be angry. I also had something very similar happen to me and believe me I had the "Damn you you could have stayed home and snuggled with me instead you had to go fishing" anger response then the guilt response. Anger is natural embrace it then move on. Do feel guilty for making a good Christmas for your children I buried my husband on my son's 9 th birthday immediately after the service I had a birthday party complete with gifts and a cake a lot of people thought it was evil of me I think my husband would not have wanted my son to associate his birthday with only sad memories. God bless you and you 3 babies- Ang

Anonymous said...

Vee,

As a mom with baby #2 due just 2 weeks after you are due, you are living my greatest fear. I am so impressed by your grace and faith in the midst of this tragedy. Please know that I am praying for you and your family to find peace and hope again.

Anonymous said...

I know there's nothing that I can say to make the pain go away but I just wanted you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. Your husband sounds like he was a wonderful man. Take solace in the fact that you know have a guardian angel watching over all of you.

Anonymous said...

my heart is with you. stay strong! Jeremy will always be with you and your family whenever you need him. it won't be easy, and you will be angry often, but out of that will eventually come the understanding that you and your kids have a personal guardian angel to keep you safe.

Amanda said...

Lamentations 3:31-33 :)

I echo the sentiment of hundreds of others when I say: it's okay to be angry - you're still the strongest woman I know. Warm wishes and prayers <3

Anonymous said...

God bless you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss. I will be remembering you and your beautiful children in my prayers. I'm glad that despite your tragedy you are also seeing blessings in your life. God is great like that. The bitter and the sweet, all at once. Good luck and lots of love.
Farrah

Anonymous said...

Wow.... this is a horrible tragedy and I'm so sorry to read about it. (I'm crying at my desk!!) I hope your faith is helping you to stay strong -- God obviously has a plan that none of us can begin to comprehend. Every time you cry, I'm sure He is crying with you. I hope you check out one of my favorite blogs - mattlogelin.com, who lost his wife the day after she gave birth to their first child. He is making it through, and you will too.

Lori said...

Vee, I am praying for you and your family. No words except to say that you will find that you're stronger than you think. Hugs and prayers,
Lori

Jamie said...

Dear Vee,
My heart breaks for you and your precious little ones as I read your story. You are being lifted up in prayer and I pray that God wraps you in the comfort and peace that only He can provide. Much love to you, Jamie

Chris said...

Vee, Sweetie, please know that I am sending you oodles of love and white light, to help you, the kids, and your friends and family through this rough time. {{{{{big hugs and love to you!}}}}}

Tammy said...

You have such strength to share this on your blog. I cried with you reading your story. This is a terrible loss and nothing you said is selfish or wrong. You are a wonderful person for allowing so many people into your life and your children's lives to help you. Sending you love and warm thoughts as you and your family grieve.

Anonymous said...

Your eloquence and grace are amazing. Your children are so lucky to have such a strong mommy!Our prayers and good thoughts are with you and your family. xo

Michelle Sedas said...

Oh, how my heart breaks for you. May you and your babies feel God's embrace as you read each and every comment from strangers who wish to comfort you. I pray that peace may find you, fill your heart, and never, ever leave you.

Ceanne said...

I really don't know what to say. I know that there is nothing to say that will help you at this time. I saw your beautiful site, filled with love--especially love of your family--and can only begin to think of how hard this must be for you.

I just want you to know that there are people in the world who are sending you love and compassion and praying, wishing, and dreaming the very best for you and your family!

Take care!

Eva said...

My darling Vee,
You are amazing. Your children are so lucky to have you and to see how much you are loved. Your support system within the community is inspiring and make sure that you use them. They are there for you to lean on.

With love always,
Eva
(Your heart is a weapon the size of your fist. Keep fighting, keep loving.)

Anonymous said...

We don't know each other, but reading your blog reminded me that we are all connected in this crazy world - our hearts feel the same love and loss, joy and sorrow. My deepest condolences to you on your loss. And my sincere admiration to you for your strength, honesty and expressions of gratitude and love. You are not alone. Your beloved will always be with you - I know, because I lost my mother (a best friend, too) and her presence in my life three years later is palpable. May the love of your children, family and friends bring you peace and comfort. Know that you are loved by many - even people who don't know you.
- Amy from Michigan

Igorius said...

Vee, my name is Igor, I am from Brazil. I'd like to start with this jut to let you know how far your story made it so far ...
It is impossible for anyone else but yourself to understand the pain of such a terrible loss. I know all the good you've seen will never worth such a loss ...
All I can say is ...your loving husband will live through you ...and your kids ..they will grow up listening to the stories about the great man he was ... you will get better ... you will survive ..for them ... for him ... and in time things will get better. I sweart it ...
You have a lovely family and you are a good person. I am praying for you and sending all the good vibes I can ...
I do not need to tell you to be strong, you ARE strong. Your kids are lucky,
My best wishes for you all
Igor

madamvonsassypants said...

My heart breaks for your loss and I hope you're able to find comfort through the generous acts of your family, friends and community around you, and grace in the hope that it will one day be better. Take care of those little ones and yourself, and stay strong! Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

No words will ever take away any of the pain you are feeling, but please know that there are people out here, anonymous and random people, who share a tiny piece of your sorrow and pray that you and your family come out on the other side stronger, knowing that God only calls the very best home before we believe it's their time.

Anonymous said...

Vee,

My heart goes out to you right now. What you are going through has to be so incredibly hard. You are so strong to be able to even write about what is happening in your life right now. Continue to find the strength to be the amazing person you are for you and your children. Hold on to the special memories and life you had with your husband and you will always have these as you move forward. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Susan

Jared said...

Vee,

I can't even begin to imagine my world being ripped away from me as yours has been, and I know that the comfort of a strangers words can only go so far, but know I thought of you and prayed for you and your family today. I know it seems contrived to say things will get better, but there is always hope. Sending love and prayers to you and your family.

Jared

Laura said...

sending you lots of love.

Bucket said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your misfortune. You're a truly amazing person, and very inspiring.
To be able to go on after all that has happened shows just how amazingly strong you are.
Know this. The pain will ease. You will never forget Jeremy or the joy he brought to you and your family, but in time you will be able to think of him not in sadness for his death, but happiness for his life.

Keep going.
Talk to yor ffriends as often as possible.
You can get through this. I know it.


Tab xxx

Valerie said...

Sending you love and warmth from Texas! You strength and courage inspires so many people you don't even know you touch. I am praying for you and your family. The spirit of the season lives in you and your children.

- Valerie from Texas

ValGal said...

My God grant you and your family the strength to make it through this difficult and emotional time. I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with your family and know that you are blessed in so many ways with those beautiful children!!

bubbleboo said...

I just wanted to move alongside you and give you such a big hug. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you are going through right now, and I am so sorry for your loss.

I have nothing to offer but love for you and those precious children.

God bless x

diane hawkey said...

May the angels surround you with love and comfort.

Amanda Arce said...

Vee-
I am amazed by your strength. Know that your tears are not tears alone. We are all sharing in your journey, and supporting you unconditionally. Your children are blessed beyond words to have you as their mom. They will grow to be outstanding, loving, generous children with a fierce love and faith and everlasting hope, with you as their mom. They will take on their dad's legacy and your love and be great.

Know that there are umpteen ways and places for you to reach out, and hundreds of people who love you and who will support you through it all. You are never alone.

Amanda Arce

Anonymous said...

Vee,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved husband. Your newest blog was filled with so much love and caring. I am glad you are open to receiving this caring from others.
Your blog also shows a lot of hope in spite of the saddness that is currently in your heart.
I want to send my thoughts, prayers, and love to you and your children.
Lu

Hedgetoad said...

praying for you, your children and those supporting you.

Deb Chitwood said...

Dear Vee,

My heart breaks for you. I'm writing this through my tears. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I'm glad you're being given such great support - even though it could never begin to make up for your loss.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Sending lots of love and (((hugs))),

Deb @ RaisingFigureSkaters.com

Lori Luza said...

Vee,

Your words are proof that you are strong. While I can not imagine the pain you must feel, I can see from your spirit that you will survive this. You will be everything you kids need growing up. You have it in you to provide strength for them, and for yourself, in all the ways necessary.

Lean on that amazing support group when you need to. Can upon a friend from time to time. And remember, the ones you haven't heard from probably care a great deal, but do not know what to say or do. If you miss someone, let them know you'd like to see them.

I'll keep you in my thoughts, especially this holiday season.

-Lori

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

You are truly amazing. Even through your pain you can hear your genuine love and appreciation. It's that and your strength that shines through the most in your writing. I'm honored to be able to read your story. I cannot imagine what you're going through, but I have been through a loss near the holidays and I can say that a smile whether its every day or once every 3 weeks is contagious and I hope soon you'll have more and more on your face. And I honestly believe that he did see the joy on your kids' faces, just from a higher location looking over you. Sending love and prayers to you. And again, thank you for sharing your journey.

Vickie said...

Vee,
I am honored to be writing you this note of encouragement. Though there is not much I can say that you have not already written so eloquently...It is truly amazing that you had the opportunity to love and be loved by such a man as Jeremy. I hope that you find comfort in having been his queen. I can only imagine the depth of love you shared and know that your faith and the love of your children and family will mend your heart. I know he is watching over you and blessing you and your children, especially the one you have growing inside of you.
I do believe with everything that I am that there is a greater purpose to all things and somehow this baby is a part of His plan. I pray that God is with you and that you know and feel it in every way as you move through this phase of your life. I pray that every time your children smile - you see him, laugh, you hear him and cry - you feel him. He will always be a part of who you are and will live through you and your beautiful prince and princess...
With love,
Vickie F

Anonymous said...

Sending love and prayers from Half Moon Bay, CA. You may not know us but we are keeping you in our prayers and know that God will get you through this. The people in your life right now are messengers from him and you will be taken care of. God Bless you and your family and best of health during the rest of your pregnancy. Your very own guardian angel in Heaven is watching you always!

Hope said...

I am praying for you and your children through all this. I wish I knew what I could say that would be helpful to you right now, but if you ever want a stranger who cares to vent at or anything, feel free to get in touch through this email account.

Ginelle Flores said...

He will always be there with you, he's your big angel watching over you and your kids!
This may be really hard but you gotta continue living, be happy!
i'm sure you have a lot of friends that love you and will help you move on, and if someday you need a Mexican friend i'm here for you :)
*virtual hug*
be strong :)

Shelli said...

I know words aren't very helpful for you right now, and I wish I could be a part of the people in your life who are stepping up and doing anything they can to ease your tremendous burden. Instead, I can only send hugs and prayers. Babies are a blessing; hold onto yours tightly, and I think that might be the greatest comfort you can find at this time.

Amy said...

Vee,
I am incredibly sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now. I'm glad that you have so many around you to support you and know that I, a stranger, am thinking about you and your family. I'm wishing that the pain will lessen a little each day and you will be blessed with comfort in knowing there are so many people who have you in their thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." - 2 Samuel 22:33

Anonymous said...

Vee,
I am so sorry for your loss. It is amazing how many people come to our rescue in times of need. If only our eyes and hearts would see that they are there for us always.
You are blessed to have so many helping hands during this time, and that the community is here for you. You deserve every ounce of it.
Keep writing. Let it out. He is listening. He is with you.
Remember always that you are infinitely loved. That you are strong. That you are capable. That in time the pain will ease, but it's OK if it doesn't come soon. That you can go on. That your cup may not feel full, but that it is.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Love,
M

Jenn said...

Vee, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for your crushing loss. I'm praying for you.

michael said...

vee, so stunned and sorry to hear of this awful experience you and your loved ones are going...through? doesn't feel right.. are in... love and heartfelt hope and prayers for you from quilcene. love, michael

Anonymous said...

I don't know you personally, but I am praying for you and your family this Christmas season.

Laura C said...

You are so strong. I can't imagine what you're going through and I can't say I know how you feel.

But I admire your courage and optimism.
And your honesty.

Because it's okay that it's not always easy to see the good. But I'm glad you're able to see it.

Keep finding those smiles in your day. You're going to be okay.

Jamie said...

i can't imagine your heartache. i don't know words to comfort, just know that without ever meeting, i'm sending you love. so many are sending you love & would gladly take some of your pain if possible. love to you & your small ones:)

jamie

Helena said...

I am so glad you are not alone. I am so glad you have so many people reaching out and helping you. And I am so sorry that it isn't, and will never be, enough.

Please be ok.

Lauren @ Heya, Sparky! said...

There's nothing selfish about wishing you could give it all back in exchange for your husband. I'm sure the givers of all these blessings wold gladly take the trade if they could. I'm so sorry for all the hurt that your family has endured, but am also grateful that you're surrounded by love & friends that will get you through it.

Keep breathing.

Marie Elena said...

It's a beautiful testament to the caring nature of people that you and your children are not alone in this difficult time. My heart breaks for all of you, and I can only sit here on my computer and hope that you are, somehow, finding the peace you need to carry on for your family.

Anonymous said...

I cried while reading this and your previous posts. You are a brave, strong woman and I am so glad to hear that you have such a strong support system in place during this tragedy. No one should ever have to experience the pain you are feeling. I hope that the kindness and love surrounding you helps to ease it some, though I know it will not be able to make it go away. Know that there are many people who support you, are thinking of you and your family, and are praying for you.

Sending you lots of love and healing energy from Missouri...

kxm said...

Bittersweet, indeed. I am so, so very grateful that so many people are rallying around to take care of you and your children, and so very sorry that they need to.

May you hold your blessings dear, and may the love of many help lighten the crushing weight of your grief.

Much love to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

you must be so so sick of hearing this, but i think i should reiterate that things will get better.
you're so lucky that you have such a beautiful family, and that people are around you to take care of you.
i really, really hope you'll be OK.

Laura said...

Sending you and your family lots of love. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Vee,

It's not selfish to want him back. I want to turn each of the tears my heart cried reading your post into hugs to help your heart mend. I'm glad you have had good things happening to help out, that your community has come to hold you up. But I'm also going to pray for you in the quiet moments when you'll need it most.

LOVE,
me

Michelle said...

Vee - I want you to know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today! You have one beautiful family! Stay strong!

Jeannette said...

Jeremy is there listening to you. Don't feel that you are being selfish; nothing in life can add up to the love you have for your family. It is only natural to want him and only him without all the other blessings. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Becca said...

Please know you and your children are in my prayers. Jeremy is watching over you, I truly believe that.

michelle said...

don't worry jeremy sees everything happening. he's always there with you guys, in your thoughts, tears, laughs, whispers, dreams... i hope each day gets better for you and your family. you already seem to have a fantastic support system *hugs*

wendy said...

Love love love to you and your family. I am so sorry that you have experienced this tragedy. I highly encourage you to find a Doula to help at your upcoming birth and possibly after. That is surely going to be a bittersweet time for you. Love love love coming your way!!! ~~Wendy

Kerri said...

I am in awe of you. After having read your post I can't imagine the inner turmoil you must be going through ... and to continue on with two young children and another on the way, finding a way to smile for them, to offer them some semblance of normalcy in the face of what has happened to you all -- that is strength that I can only hope I would possess if ever faced with something as emotionally difficult as this. I have fallen apart at the seams over much, much less - and while we all have our own unique struggles in this life, I truly am humbled by the fact that you have been able to go on so beautifully after such a sad tragedy. You and your children are in my thoughts and I wish you only the best happiness from here on out, and I believe that your husband will be with you in spirit for every single step of it.

Anonymous said...

You are amazing and your kids will grow up so loved and so well cared for and I know that you will always tell them about their father. Talk when you need to talk. Cry when you need to talk. Know that there are people out there when you need them.

Lance said...

Sending hugs and love to you during these difficult days...

May Jeremy always live in your heart...

Much peace,
Lance

Nena said...

Wow Vee, you are living my worst nightmare. And I am amazed at how strong you are.

I don't know you - but I want you to know that your family is in my prayers. I am so glad your family can have a bit of joy during the holidays; even if it is bittersweet. Don't forget to cry when you need to, hug your kiddos every day, and I know that you and your family will have the opportunity to be together again one day.

Anonymous said...

Sending BIG HUGS & serious prayers for all the healing & laughter that you & your children deserve...
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

mlelovesyou2 said...

I'm sorry. You are wonderful.
http://hereswhatyouare.com/
Love and prayers! <3

T. Thema Martin said...

After reading your story, the only thing I can say is I will not complain about my problems. I am thankful to have read your story because it has changed my mindset about my problems, which are now not problems at all.

Deanna said...

I just saw your blog on Rebekah at Heart Cries blog but recognized your story. My church is near you and we've been praying for you guys. So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and will keep you in prayer!

Anonymous said...

You are a beautiful, strong woman and God is always looking after you. Sending hugs, prayers, and love your way!!!!! Your children are truly blessed to be in the arms of such a wonderful woman.

John said...

You are doing so well! I can't imagine what it would be like, but your honesty and courage is outstanding.

So happy to hear that you've got some loving people around you too.

Tina said...

Vee,
I pray for strength, hope, happy memories and grace for you and your family during this time.

You are loved!
Tina

Genevra said...

Dear Vee,

Though I don't know you, your honesty and strength are a tremendous reminder and lesson today. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss... and I will keep you and your family in my prayers for better days ahead.

May the love you have been given continue to find you, bring you comfort, and offer strength when you feel you have none left. And may peace be with you through every step of the journey ahead.

Anonymous said...

Know that your love does not end. Hug your kids a little more to remind them of the father who hugs them through you. You sound like a strong woman who will survive and make the kind of home for your family that the two of you envisioned.
Denis in Canada

Courtney said...

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your wonderful children, all of them, are in my thoughts and prayers. I can't imagine that empty pain and pray that I never have to. Please know that there are so very many people out there, supporting and loving you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm so glad that your family, friends and community are there to help you during this difficult time. Stay strong for your children and yourself! Hug your children every day know that Jeremy will always be with you. I'm in awe of your strength!

Megan said...

Vee!

Hang in there! I am so sorry for loss but please know you are in my prayers... May you have the strength to keep going and provide for your children!

Megan

Alison said...

I can't express how sorry I am for your loss. Your faith in God and your love for your family are inspiring. I can't imagine how you feel and how hard it must be, but I'm hoping you feel God's arms of love wrapped tightly around you today.

Anonymous said...

I'm sitting here reading your post in tears. You are a beautiful and courageous woman and I wish you and your family love and peace and hope.

Linda said...

Vee, I am so sorry for what you and your family are having to go through right now...I know there is little I can say to comfort you, but please know there are many of us out here sending loving thoughts and prayers your way. I am glad you can feel Jeremy's spirit around you and have loving family and friends to comfort you...XO

Kristin said...

Reading you post I couldn't stop the tears from falling. I don't really know what to say to ease your pain because I feel it is beyond anything I can imagine. You are blessed with wonderful friends and a supportive community but they can't fill the void inside. I hope you can find some peace in the next weeks. My thoughts are with you and your children.

CraftyLikeLindy said...

God bless you and your family. I hope that all the love being shown in these typed messages bring a little light into your life. I am glad that there is some good in spite of all the tragedy. Stay strong. Lots of hugs and prayers from Arizona

Becca said...

I'm so, so glad that you're surrounded by such great people! Family and friends are great strength-givers!

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but I'm so glad to read how you're handling it. It is most definitely tough to lose someone you love, especially unexpectedly (I lost my best friend in a car accident two years ago...). But you are strong, and you have faith, and that is awesome!!

Know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, as well as those of many, many others!

<3

Chrissie said...

Vee,

I am not sure that any words I say could possibly touch on what you are feeling right now. I admire your incredible strength, and despite the anger you are feeling, your love still pours out which trumps all. And the support that you have right now is a wonderful example of all the good that exists in the world. I wish you continued strength, release of emotions and the finding of a tranquil peace. Know that he is still beside you, albeit not in the same way, but there nevertheless, and you will always be able to connect with him.

Chrissie

Birdie said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I started reading your blog before all this happened and the love you guys shared, and the sweet, beautiful kids you have make me so happy. My heart is absolutely broken for your family and you. I will remember you in my prayers, I hope that you find the peace you need one day. And I know sweet little Carter is blessed to have a wonderful Mama. A baby with such a sorrowful story is bound to do great things. Lots of love to you <3

Teri said...

Dear Vee-
As so many have already said...my heart hurts for you & your family-at the same time I'm so impressed with your strength & savvy can do approach. Thinking of you today & throughout the holidays-sending positive vibes and all the very best wishes for your future. Love & Blessings- Teri

Katie said...

I cannot imagine living through the day as you have each and every day without the love of my life. I wish you strength and and perseverance. You are amazing, and your husband seems amazing as well. I pray for you .. I wish you only the best. I am soo sooo sorry for your loss. I wish i could help you heal. Look at your kids and smile that you have them to help you through this as well. I am so sorry again, Love and hope and prayer go out to you and those gorgeous kids

Anonymous said...

I heard about you through the love bomb, and while I know that words can only go so far and do so much, know that there is a great deal of love lifting up you and your family at this time. May the blessings bring light during this dark time, and may the memories of your beloved husband live on in your beautiful children. Remember to take care of you as you take care of them. With thoughts of love and hope, as well as my prayers, Katharina

Anonymous said...

I am very sorry to hear about all that is happening to you and your family. Your in my prayers! Keep on with your amazing strength. It is an inspiration to many of us.

Lesley Telford said...

You seem like such an amazing woman, so I have complete faith that you will make it through this tumultuous time. My heart goes to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I honestly cannot relate to your life, but I send along my sympathies and my hope that your little ones will help bring the light back into your life.

Keep your head up; we are all thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

Vee, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Coming from someone who lost their mother 2 years ago when I was 18 I can imagine how awful you must feel. I know how hard it is and I hope you find the strength to continue on and find beauty in life. Your kids and everyone loves you, never forget that. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace

*hugs*
Jess

Dave Sohnchen said...

Vee,
Reading your post brought so many emotions to the surface that I wasn't expecting. As a husband and father of 2 girls (2 and 9 months), I can't imagine not being around to watch them grow up; not to mention leaving my beautiful wife behind to deal go on with life without me. There is so much I take for granted in this life.

I'm so sorry you have to continue this life with the man you loved so much. I know these words may seem a bit trite given the circumstances, but know that at this moment I'm thinking about you and your beautiful family. I pray you find hope in the days and weeks moving forward.

Anonymous said...

Dear Vee, I empathize with you, knowing how hard it is, especially during the holiday season. My beloved mother died suddenly and without warning last week. She lived with my family and there is now a huge void in our house. Stay strong sister, for yourself and your children. I won't try to tell you that your loss is part of some test or master plan - because nothing makes sense. I will tell you that you still have a lot of life to live! Life is new everyday, so believe that wonderful things can and will happen to you - even during your suffering.
Love and prayers from a stranger.

Gabriel Kaplan said...

I'm a stranger from the other side of the world. Maybe my words dosn't mean too much, but I want to send you my best wishes for your future.
Remember that you're not alone. Remember that you're strong enough.
Remember that you're Vee.
With love, Gabriel (from Argentina).

eclecticFLgirl said...

Vee,
I'm so sorry. I've never experienced anything like losing a husband so I can't say much that will help, but I want you to know I'm praying for you and your family. Take life a day at a time, you will make it through!
"Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you..." (Psalm 55:22)

Anonymous said...

im so very sorry for your loss. my heart breaks for your beautiful family. prayers are up and out.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is unfair for your beautiful family to have to experience such a loss. Death is never welcome but especially at this time in your life. I am so sorry. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. The way you've held yourself up so far is admirable. Stay strong.

Anonymous said...

Vee, I am so sorry for your loss and please know that I am sending love to you and your children. Your strength is amazing and I hope that it grows more each day and that you always have many people to walk with you so that you are never alone.

Anonymous said...

Vee, your story is heart wrenching and I can only imagine the daily struggles you face after such a sudden loss. I hope that each day brings some peace and healing to you and your children. Stay strong and remember we're all thinking of you.

Best wishes

Brenda Kula said...

It sounds like you having loving help all around you. I am so very sorry for this horrible loss. I will keep you in my thoughts during this holiday season. Hugs from Texas.
Brenda

Anonymous said...

Vee, just know you are an amazing person and you have two litle ones who will keep you alive and well. I know you have family and friends who care for you and will do anything for your happiness. Just stay strong x

I am Spam... said...

You are an incredible woman. Hundreds of friends are thinking of you and your babies, and we believe, just like you do deep down, that everything is going to be okay. It's okay to hold on, it's okay to let go, do what YOU need to do. What a beautiful family you have :) stretching across heaven and earth.

Much love <3

Samantha

Anonymous said...

your story is so truly heartbreaking :( I am so sorry for your loss.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful family does not deserve it whatsoever, and you are not selfish at all in saying that you'd rather have your husband than everything you have been given. You're very lucky to have such kind-hearted and compassionate people around you who care; stay strong.

I am sure he is happy that you are safe.

alovelylittleworld said...

I'm thinking of you and praying for you and your's.
Lots of love, Charity

Anonymous said...

Prayers and thoughts are flowing your way. Peace be with you.

The Father of Five said...

Truly a heart wrenching story.

I believe that your husband will be watching over you and the rest of his family until you all meet again in the arms of our Lord.

Hang in there. I will say a prayer for you, for your family and for your husband.

Anonymous said...

I so very sorry for your loss. My family and myself have you in our thoughts. Please know that you are not a selfish person for wanting to make a "trade". Anyone in your position would!! Do your best to find comfort in the love of your family, your friends and your faith.

GlendaM said...

I can't imagine what you are going through, but I sense you are surrounded by love of family and friends. I am so very sorry for your loss. It is truly heartbreaking. I hope that as the pain subsides and you find a special place in your heart for your husband that you will be able to find some normal again. Until then do the best you can and lean on all those wonderful people around you. You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers. Take good care of yourself.

Steve said...

Vee -
My heart goes out to you. I can't even find the words to express the love, comfort and assurance that I wish upon you.
In life, it's difficult enough to struggle with a single emotion, yet here you are, struggling within the war between anger and joy, absence and fulfillment. Not an easy place to be, but it sounds like you're handling it like a champ. I'm sure Jeremy is very near to you now, smiling the same smile he has in the picture on this blog; smiling with pride that his beautiful bride is taking such good care of everything that matters so much to him. Can you feel his gratitude and pride for how wonderfully you are caring for yourself and your children?
You are an amazing person, and I honor you deeply in my heart as someone I hope to emulate if I ever find myself in a situation that presents similar challenges.

My heartfelt thoughts, prayers and best wishes go out to you and your children.

Anonymous said...

You and your little ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

Elaine

Will Simpson said...

My heart aches knowing the pain and confusion you must feel. It is so encouraging to hear that you are smiling. I hope our visit here makes you smile.

I don't know if I'd be so strong. It is nice you have friends to lean on that are physically close to you.

Continue to gather love and share it with your children. We're rooting for you.

Anonymous said...

I agree with you that I would give everything back to have my husband, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your kids in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I honestly cannot imagine what you must be going through right now. I pray that you find peace & comfort knowing that you are surrounded by the love of the world, of the Universe, of Jeremy - now & always.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and prayers from Minnesota.

Anonymous said...

Hi Vee....I'm saying Hi all the way from Panama. I'm sorry you had to go through all this but you've been blessed by having such a wonderful group of friends. I'll dedicate a prayer to you today so that God can help you to heal and be with you always.

RHCPFunk2 said...

Vee,

I can't possibly begin to imagine your struggle, but I can tell you that he is watching over you and your little ones, and always will be. Your kids will be a huge source of strength for you, and I wish nothing but the best for you guys.

-Perry

Anonymous said...

dear heart,
i am sooo very sorry for your loss. i am glad that there are those who love you that surround at this time. i don't know you but my heart is breaking for you. i am praying for you and sending love from afar.

ishkode-fyre said...

What a strong, brave, beautiful woman you are. Your children are so lucky to have such a courageous mother living for them every day, and I'm sure your husband is watching all of you with such love and pride. Maybe it's him who has inspired the Love Bomb to keep an eye out for you this week, offer our support, and keep you in our thoughts and prayers.
Much love to you and your little ones,
fyre

Joy said...

Wow..My Heart says *I love you*..You are surrounded by Light and Love and I hope that you allow yourself to feel it all. I cannot imagine such loss at this moment of a new beginning..yet I know you see much of Jeremy in your children..his Spirit lives on through them..May you allow that Spirit to guide you through the holidays and beyond.

Anonymous said...

Your story has reminded us of the most important part of each day...

and that's to LOVE EACH OTHER.

May God watch over you and your babies each minute of the day. When you're having a hard time getting through the day, know that Jeremy is holding your hand and helping you hold your head up.

There's a another bright star in the sky each night now that Jeremy's up there enjoying Heaven's party!

Much love to you.
Through the Christmas season, and always- may you feel the warmth of family and friends who will help keep Jeremy's memory alive.

Lauren said...

Vee,

I'm so glad to hear about all of the people in your life who are surrounding you with love. That is exactly what you need at a time like this, and I hope that you'll find comfort in knowing that Jeremy is with you and will always love you.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God bless,
Lauren (Ontario, Canada)

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