2.03.2011

Snow Day

Two nights ago, I was watching Facebook blow up over the snow storm we were about to get. Everyone was freaking out.

Really? This is Michigan people.

I've never known Michigan to be so whiney about snow before. If anything, people should be rejoicing at the possibility of a snow day. It's a hot commodity around here. I was blaming it on the fact that so many southern states have been whiney about snow lately on Facebook, and were starting to rub off on us. Either way, it was humorous.

Now, I am not snow's biggest fan. And, I've been known to whine myself about the sheer inconvenience and mess that snow creates. But I don't rush to grocery store for the last gallon of milk.

And I love a good play in the snow.

I haven't been able to take the kids out all winter, so yesterday we geared up and headed to the backyard - one giant clean slate of fresh snow calling our names. I also found humor in the fact that even though I've lived in Michigan my entire life, I don't have much for real snow gear. Thankfully, I married a Canadian. I went out in his snow pants, his hat, his gloves, and almost his coat (I opted for my nice coat cause it had a hood).

We had fun. I needed the fresh air. It's tough to realize that no matter how much fun we try to create, it still  feels so prosthetic. There is a giant void we will never be able to fill, or get away from. The kids said multiple times in the snow that they had wished Daddy was there to play with them.

Oh Goodness, me too.



Every smile comes with an instant reaction: "I wish you were here." And then the fight to stop tears. I tried to just enjoy the time with the kids, but there just isn't a moment that goes by where my subconscious isn't thinking about Jeremy. We decided to trail a giant heart in the backyard with Daddy's name on it (so he could see it from Heaven):


We made snow slushies and snow ice cream. We had a pretty low-key day at home. And at the end of the day, when we were saying goodnight, I gave the kids their kisses from me and Daddy and told them how much I wish he could have played with us, because he would have had so much fun. Caleb got very quiet and sad and said "I really want Daddy to play with me, but he died. I want him to play Cars with me. He shouldn't have died."

He's right. He shouldn't have died.


19 comments:

Jessie's Girls said...

I am IMPRESSED! I was always really reluctant to go through the hassle of bringing the kids out in the snow when we lived in Michigan. I doubt I even would have attempted it 9 months pregnant!

m&msmommy said...

I don't know what else to say, except that I am praying for you. We dont' know each other, but ever since I read your story I have been praying every night! I can't imagine your pain, and I know my words can't take away an ounce of that pain, but please know you are being prayed for!

Anonymous said...

Bless your heart girlie....You and your kids are so adorable and I am excited you got out and got some fresh air...
Those pictures are awesome...I'm sure that was some sight from heaven...


Miss you...
-Monica C.

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

The big "Snowaggedon" missed us here, we still got a lot of snow but not as much as possible. I love the heart and I'm sure he could see it. You're a brave, brave girl to get out there in the cold!

trininista said...

You're an awesome mum. Your kids are so blessed to have such love. Glad you got out and had a bit of fun.

megan said...

prosthetic.

xo

Lara Grice said...

So happy to see you getting out and having fun with the kids. I'm not even going to pretend to understand how hard this is for you and the kids...I can't even imagine. It's wonderful to see smiles on your faces, eventually the smiles will reach your heart again too...

Amy said...

That pic of you made me smile!

Glad you gusy were able to have some fun!

Nicole said...

I bet that fresh air (and smiles) did you all so good! Precious pictures!!!
Nicole

Summertime said...

I learned about your heartbreak through Patrick Mead when he came to St. Louis in November to speak at our church. I've been reading your blog ever since. We lost our second baby in November and have no children and someday somehow if God gives me children I hope to be a mother like you. Always sacrificing for your kids and doing the hard things to make their life a little sweeter. You are amazing. I'm sure he saw the heart from heaven and I know it made him smile.

darcie said...

Looks like you really enjoyed the time...good for you...
Thinking of you...

LittlePaintedPolkaDots said...

Your heart is seen from Heaven every single day.

Melissa said...

Love the pic of you and your kids. Looking at the pic I can only think that your Husband would be so proud of you. You are moving foward one step at a time and thats all you can do. Hugs to you!

Were in WI and we got hit as well. I just blogged today and my title was....yep...same as yours.

Losing Brownies said...

You bring tears to my eyes Vee. You are so strong for your children and an inspiration to so many.

kendra said...

i think of your family every day..my heart breaks for you & your babies,everyday..i wish you the very best on the 8th..the picture of you & the kids in the snow is absolutely precious..know that you have a world of people praying for you every single day. *hugs*

Jamie said...

I can feel the emotions in what u write. My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine such a huge loss.I pray you have support and strength from others in the days ahead.

Rebekah said...

Your pictures are gorgeous!!! It's so good to see you smile, I know the moments must be few. What a special treat for your kids. I don't know any other 9 month prego, Mama out getting buried in the snow!! :)

Tamara said...

I have been lurking for a few weeks now...and have just no idea what to say so I haven't said anything yet...but here I am. I need you to know I am praying for you. I can only empathize through the loss of my Granny last year, I cannot fathom your heart right now and will not pretend I can. I will say I love you and your sweet family from Tennessee with the Love of Christ and will continue to pray for you. I am the mother of 4 sweet babies (12, 9 & twin 6 year olds) and will be here to just scream at if you want. I know you don't know me...sometimes that might be good, just let it out! Again, i will be praying for you Vee!

Glenda said...

Looks like the kiddos had tons of fun and you all had big smiles. I hope that some day those smiles reach your heart. Love, love the big daddy heart! Thinking and praying for you and the kids.

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