3.10.2011

Milestones

Yesterday, Carter turned a month old. Can you believe that? A whole month has gone by in a blink of an eye. My little man is getting so big, already exceeding 10 pounds. He's healthy and happy (most of the time) and his siblings are absolutely in love with him, to the point of smothering.

To celebrate his one month birthday, Carter gave us his first big, genuine smiles. We caught one on tape last night that I just had to share:



video

It's pretty tough not to smile at something like that.

And yet, every smile comes with a heavy sigh afterward it seems. Especially with every milestone that Jeremy will miss. With every month marker that Carter will celebrate, another month will go by without Jeremy. Today marks 4 months since Jer died. It hardly seems real. Like the blink of an eye and an eternity all wrapped into one.

Just when I think things might start getting easier, the emptiness of my day-to-day existence without him rears it's ugly head and knocks me back down to the ground. And although I relive that horrible day in my head constantly, it's really the dull ache of every day life without him by my side that seems to be killing me softly.

And knowing that everything about Carter's life right now is bittersweet somedays is just too much. Here's hoping that as time goes by, those good milestones will outshine the still very painful ones.

12 comments:

Kristin said...

So adorable! Wishing for you the same, that the good outshines the bad. That smile of your little guy is so precious and powerful...to many more moments like those!

Losing Brownies said...

What a precious video. I'm glad you are able to find the small joys in life, even though you are still in so much pain.

Steph said...

I smiled through tears watching that video. :)

Much love and many prayers to you all. ♥

Photo Freak said...

He is so cute. makes my uterous hurt!

Summertime said...

keep the videos coming he is so gorgeous! and my how he loves his momma :')

Vicki said...

I have faith in a God who WILL make that happen for you. I know you do too...even though it's painful. I love you. Can't wait to squeeze those cheeks!!! Carter's, of course. :)

Anonymous said...

that video was the most precious smile you could ever see!!! WOW!

Happy 1 month birthday to your adorable little boy....

You gotta know daddy is ooozing with pride and joy, may you feel his presence today and always.

Glenda said...

Adorable. Hoping the good outshine the bad. Enjoy the kiddos. I'm sure they are your strength these days.

Jill said...

Yes it will get better. It's just not a quick thing. (I can't view the video, but I am sure it's sweet!)

Christine said...

Enjoy those smiles!!!

Kim said...

How precious!! Makes me jelous of those tiny days!! I'm so craving a baby these days and that litte face just gets me!

Kolein said...

He is so gorgeous, Vee! I was smiling the whole time waiting for him to smile.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

Still carrying you and your sweet babies in my heart.

xo
~Kolein

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