friends

I find it ironic that before you were gone, I used to struggle to find my place with friends. I've always been blessed with many great people in my life, but never felt connected for long. I remember many nights laying awake venting to you about my fair weather friends or friends I never see enough, or friendships that were one-sided. But you were always my best friend, so my standard was high.

I have this incredible support system of women in my life now and I couldn't be more grateful. Tonight, my sweet friends surprised me with a get-together at my place (it's weird that I can't say 'our' place)...it was a 'Friends' themed party complete with cups and ice for decorations, food from different parts of the show, playing Friends Scene-It and of course, gag reels. I'm such a nerd, I know. 

I'm so thankful for friends who have patiently sat by while I try to pick up the pieces of myself. When they planned the party for Tuesday, our anniversary, and me not knowing about it told them I wanted to be alone for the day, they waited. They have given me so much that I could never repay. 

This new place I have found within these friendships ironically really makes me miss you more. My best friend for so long, it's strange to find those qualities in other people. Is there anything about death that isn't bittersweet?

I miss you baby. Thank you for continuing to watch over me through my incredible friends.
I love you always and forever.