The only thing missing is you

Today was a weird day for me. 


It was so nice to have Kirk, April, and the kids this weekend. I wish they could've stayed longer. I just love being around them and being close. They are family to me. It's amazing how I feel more at home with your family than I do sometimes with my own family. Either way, I was sad to see them go.


Guilt knocked me over at church today. We prayed for your sweet niece, Grayci and her upcoming surgery this week, and I couldn't fight the tears. I felt so guilty for ever complaining knowing April has mourned the loss of a brother and shortly after had to endure all the medical complications that Grayci faced and continues to face. That sweet little girl is gonna change the world with her story, I just know it. I am in awe of her and her parents and the faith they've had through everything. 


We had lunch with the Robinson's and Gresham's today. We decided to order Jimmy Johns and eat at your memorial site. They have the picnic tables up now. It was extremely hot today but it was nice to be able to utilize that space and feel like we're honoring you by being present somehow. I was asked if it was hard for me to be there, and truthfully, it isn't. Your grave is much more difficult to swallow than your stone at the college. But what was hard today was realizing that no matter how many people I'm surrounded by - people who genuinely love and care about me - I can still feel all alone. I see your name in giant letters across the field and I have to remind myself, "Wow. That's my husband. My Jeremy really isn't here anymore." And then I suddenly feel you missing. Missing from the laughter, missing from the games and food, playing with the kids, enjoying company. The only thing missing is you.


I am missing you terribly tonight, love. I'm dreading the next two days.


I love you with everything I have baby.