6 months old

Can you believe Carter is 6 months old?!? I find it strange that his birth seems like an eternity ago and yet your death still feels very fresh. Either way, the kid is growing like a weed and is as handsome as ever. He's sleeping so well and eating constantly. You would crack up at the faces he makes when he watches other people eat, like when your Uncle Doug teased Caleb with that dessert and we couldn't stop laughing. Yeah, it's hilarious. And when he has something to say, he says it very loud and proud. He loves the jumper and I'm so glad ours has lasted us through three kids. He loves to grab my face and smother me with kisses, it might be the sweetest thing ever. I continually picture what it would be like to see you playing with him - what you would say, how he would react. I know you would be great buddies. He loves being thrown in the air. I never did it much with our kids, cause you always did so now I do it for you.


We spent some time with Sarah taking 6 month shots of Carter and taking some family shots too. I know they'll be beautiful. I couldn't get over how much Caleb looks like you. The older he gets, the more it shocks me. I love seeing you in him though. I took Faith to get a haircut in the morning - I think you'd hate it, they cut it way too short and the woman didn't layer it right, even after I came back and asked her to fix it. Luckily, she's beautiful and it's just hair and will hopefully grow quickly. Didn't phase her from taking gorgeous pictures. Love that little lady.


So many days I wanna give up. The kids fight and drive me crazy, I can't figure out how to keep Caleb from poking Carter in the face, squeezing his cheeks, screaming at him to get a reaction. Faith can be sassy enough for a 15 year old and good Lord, am I nervous about her being a 15 year old! I get so overwhelmed some mornings laying in bed and listening the sounds that start my day: a crying baby ready to eat, two kids fighting over the remote and smacking each other until one finally runs up to tattle tell. And me running low on fuel cause I never get enough sleep. I specifically remember sitting in the stall of a Target restroom with three children fighting over who was gonna pee first while I was nursing Carter on the floor and thinking 'How on earth did this become my life?!" 


But then I remember how sweet they really are, and how lucky am I am to have pretty great kids. And they're exactly that - kids. And even though they drive me crazy, they also love like crazy. They keep me close to you. They remind me that I still have a purpose.


Even though family pictures seem so empty without you in them, it still makes me smile to capture me being surrounded by my three greatest blessings.


I wish there was a better way to describe how much I miss you.
I love you always and forever.







-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died

DAY 4: A Time to Laugh

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people" - VICTOR BORGE

Is there distance between you and your children? Has life become too serious? If so grab a book of corny jokes or rent a video of Christian comedians and let loose with some laughter. It's time to laugh.