Spilling the beans

Okay, so the last two weeks have been absolute MADNESS.

I'm still not even fully 'back' mentally from break, I think cause I'm afraid if I do, reality is going to set in all too quickly.

A lot has happened. Let me give you the highlights:

-Had a great Christmas
-Got to see some wonderful family and spend time together.
-Got sick right as school was ending, still have not recovered. I almost did for a second there last week, but now I'm worse.
-Rang in the new year with some of favorite people (my in-laws). A good time was had by all.

The first of the two weeks was busy, but good. The second week was relaxing, but stressful....and here's why: I quit my part time job as bartender.

It happened while I was out of the country, actually. It's a long story that roots pretty far back but I finally had the courage to quit. I say courage because I've been wanting to quit for about 6 months now and have never been able to do it. I've specifically asked God for signs that it wasn't right for me anymore, and then blatantly ignored them because I was afraid. I was afraid of losing out on money, when we so severely need it right now. Well the circumstances aligned and I was finally able to muster the ability to say "Thanks, but no thanks."

This has been very bitter sweet for me this week. While I'm happy about it and feel a weight lifted because of it, I always feel another weight pushed on me as I realize I won't be able to pay my bills this month. I know I did the right thing. I loved bartending. Loved it. But it wasn't a good fit anymore. The hubs was never too keen on the idea (which I don't blame him - I get hit on every shift), and I didn't like having to put him through that. I loved the people I worked with. It breaks my heart to think that I likely won't see a lot of them much anymore. This was the last 6 years of my life. I loved being a light in a dark place, but the darkness was creeping into my heart, causing discontent and anger. It was subtle, but enough to make me uncomfortable. I know I did the right thing. I just have to keep telling myself that.

So now I have to sit down and take a look at how life is going to work making less money than already barely-enough-to-get-by income. Obviously, the Preschool is good, but it's hardly any pay and what I make is really only supplementing what I'm paying to have the kids taken care of while I work.

I know God has a plan. And I know I worry for nothing, because I'm always taken care of. Somehow, God always provides. But I have been tense and stressed about it all week, crying every other chance I get and I just need some peace about it. And always, prayers. I hate worrying about money, but I also hate being in a harmful environment just to make a buck.

There ya have it. A lot going on. There's more but I can only blog about one stress at a time.

Hope I haven't stressed you out. In all honestly, I'm looking forward to this year and seeing what God has in store for me. I'm ready take it on, it's just harder to walk blindly into something when you don't know where you're going or how you're going to get there.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and a happy new year!


Anonymous said...

Well -- I feel happy for you for hearing God's wishes and following through on them. It would have been a difficult job, yet difficult to quit as well. You're right in that God has another plan for you. You'll be able to hear Him better without the loud racket of the bar! Congrats on quitting!

Miss Mustard Seed said...

Good for you in taking that leap of faith and following the Lord's leading. I am a youth pastor's wife and there have been many times we've had to make scarey decisions, knowing the Lord was leading us in that direction. I know He'll provide and honor your obedience. Great to meet you! Thanks for visiting my blog.

KolentynePoppy said...

Moving on takes courage in all matters. Letting something go, making room for something grand!

You were my first follower. I have a tender place in my heart towards you. (I have three followers now and I don't really even have a blog!!) I enjoy your blog so much. It's real! You're real. God's real. Nothing better than that in my book!
Start a daycare in your home?? Maybe??

He will open a door for you!


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