I have absolutely no idea why this struck me so hard, but sitting in the hospital with my brother, all I kept thinking was "Brian can't die and leave all of mom's grandchildren fatherless." The thought was so heavy and sickening. I shouldn't have shared it with my mom, cause I think it crushed her. But I can't believe that became reality.
Fatherless. That word ignites such emotion in me. It's hard enough to watch our children grow up without you. Now I have to watch my sweet nephew go through the same thing? It's too much. They all have good male examples in their lives, but they all lost incredible fathers. It's totally unfair. Today, while Caleb and Braiden spent time together it broke my heart to think that one of their bonds will be that they don't have their dads. It's weird. But they love each other so much, they're attached at the hip. I love the picture of them holding hands while they watched the fire trucks today, they are so sweet.
"A Father to the fatherless." The phrase used to describe God is one of the few that I'm able to hold on to right now. I'm terrified of watching our children grow up without you and what kind of holes it will leave in their hearts, their minds, and their behavior. But I can only hope that God will hold their hearts with special care and fill that incredible void like only He can.
Be with your children tonight, babe. With all this happening with uncle Brian, they're asking a lot of questions about you too. They really miss you.
I miss you, too. So very much.
I love you more than anything in the world.
14 comments:
Another post that left tears in my eyes. I can only pray for you, that is enough. He is enough. I wish there was more. You are brave. More brave than I ever could be.
Such bittersweet pictures. I only have tears. And the continuous prayer for God to wrap them in his love, in the unimaginable pain. Hugs and prayers to you and your family.
Your title struck a chord, and then to see the picture of the two cousins, well that just spoke volumes. May God bless you and keep you...
i am so sorry for everything you have had to endure for the past many months. i have been reading your blog for a while, and your family is at the forefront of my mind on a regular basis. amazing, how even when you don't know someone personally, your heart still breaks so deeply for them. i connected with this post especially - my dad was taken from me when i was young and I grew up fatherless, too. there is no doubt there were holes in my heart. but I wish i could tell you how God has shown his goodness to me over and over again, esp. in this wounded area. I still don't understand everything that God allowed to happen, but I know He somehow carried us through, I know He sustained us, I know He gave grace up on grace upon grace for every need (and there were many). I pray He would give that same grace for you, your kids, and now for Braiden. He is good, and His ways are good, even when life in a fallen world hurts so much and things seem so confusing. Hang in there, Vee.
I dont know you at all. Ive came across your blog a while back. I have too lost 4 people with in 5 months of each other. Pain in unbearable, I understand. I know your pain. I am sorry you have too go thru it all over again. My prayers are with you, to keep your head up for you and your children. Its a day by day thing.
Read and Hope...
This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you’ve gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but…
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God’s plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
‘Cause now you’re home
And now you’re free, and…
We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end
And we can grieve with hope
‘Cause we believe with hope
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
We’ll see your face again
We have this hope as an anchor
‘Cause we believe that everything God promised us is true
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope
“With Hope”
by Steven Curtis Chapman
While it's a sucky (sorry best word I could think of) bond for the boys to have, it will make them stronger together. Hugs and prayers for you, your children, your parents and your nephew.
My heart breaks.
I love that picture of the two of them! I hope that they will be the best of cousins/friends throughout their entire life.
I met my best friend 26 yrs ago and we bonded because her dad passed when she was 9 and my dad passed when I was 13. (My younger sister was 9) and we instantly clicked. She is like a sister to me. So yes, the bond will be there!
Peace and Strength!
i haven't been online in a few days and checked your blogs today & im just speechless...i am SO sorry to hear about your brother. =( your family has been through so much,ya'll haven't left my prayers..<3 that picture of the boys brought tears to my eyes,and like you said,your moms grandbabies not having their daddies..so sad..much love veronica <3 & your beautiful babies...& the rest of your family.prayers always..
Praying you hold on to that promise from God! He will keep it! He will indeed be Father to your sweet children and nephew!
I think and pray for you and your childern often. I was just wondering, I am saying from the kindness of my heart and from my past, knowing what worked for me. have you thought about counsuling for you and your childern? It was such a great help for me.
Jason posted on facebook about what happened to your brother. I pray you have felt our prayers. How is he doing? I haven't heard.
Praying for you!
This is my 1st time coming across your blog. It brought tears to my eyes. I will try and keep you on my heart to pray for you. (sometimes life gets busy and we don't when we say we will) in case my sinfulness or forgetfulness comes between me and my prayer for you I'm going to pray for you right now. Share my words with the Lord and you and may you feel loved by a stranger as we are linked through the lord.
Father I lift up to you your child. Give her the wisdom she needs as she handles each situation, with her children and her own hurting heart. Please provide her the strength she needs to battle the day and feel your embrace as she battles the lonely bed at night. In her weakness let her feel your strength, and see how you are gloried through this trial in her life. Give her the comfort and peace that only you can provide. Help her to raise her children in the Lord that they may be comforted by you. Let them not sink in the pain of not understanding why this has happend but find rest in you. That all things work to the glory of you. In Jesus name we pray to you our father, please be with my sister in Christ. AMEN
That picture of the two boys is so touching. And it sucks that this is why they will be bonded forever, but I hope it gives you some sort of comfort knowing that they will have each other to help get each other through this, and they will always have someone who understands completely what they are going through. I'm glad your boy will have that.
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