just get through today

We flew into Louisiana today. You always loved to fly. So do I, though I rarely get to. I was thinking that the last time I flew was in January on our way to Gulf Coast Getaway.

It was 2 months after you died.
I was 8 months pregnant.

All I remember was being on the plane and praying for it to crash. Maybe everyone could survive but me. Or I would find an eject button on my seat....I couldn't see past anything besides being with you. And I remember being so disappointed when we landed safely. 

Now, I can thankfully say I'm in a better place. I'm past that. I don't want to leave my children to become orphans - I know you would never want that either. I can't say that the future doesn't still scare the hell outta me, but I can say that today, I'm ok. If I can just get through today, I'll be ok.

We landed safely. I laughed a lot today with friends. I got through today. I think I'll be ok.

I miss you baby. 
I love you with all that I am.


Anonymous said...

You go girl! Step by step I am praying for you!!

Nicole said...

I know that this journey so far has been so difficult for you. If I have learned anything through reading your posts, it is that grief is a powerful thing. I have never seen it expressed so honestly. Thank you for sharing daily, even when it made your readers "uncomfortable" at times. I am so relieved to see you starting to come through the storm.

BerryMorins Bits & Tips said...

I thought I would stop by your blog to see how you're doing.
I've been following you for a couple of years and truly admire your honesty.
Please know that you're an inspiration to many!
God Bless you!

Kim said...

Praying for comfort.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to let you know that someone was thinking of you and will be praying for you during the next few days. (I'm sure there are many doing the same.) I can't imagine what you're going through now, trapped between life today and reliving the events that took place a year ago. May God grant you peace and strength.
I've never met you, but I have been blessed by your blog. Thank you for sharing from the heart; for being willing to put yourself out there. God bless you and keep you.

Robin said...

(((((Vee))))) I will start by sending you a big hug. I know that nothing I can say will make anything better, but I wanted you to know that I am praying for you today. Sobbing with you and praying. I had read this blog late last year and was not sure what to type to you. But, my heart is overflowing with all of these emotions and I just needed to send you a 'hug' and tell you that you are a beautiful woman. Your transparent heart has done much for my own today. Hugs, Robin B.

Desi said...

**HUGS** I'm glad you are ok :)


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