10.12.2011

still here

Hi baby,
I'm still here. Still hurting. Only it's not as sharp anymore, it's just a numbness that has taken me over. Maybe it's to protect me from what's coming up, I don't know. But I'm thankful the sharpness is gone for now. I'm ready for things to change. I'm finally taking better care of myself physically (16 pounds down, in fact) and it really is helping me emotionally. It's just giving me more energy to face each day.


I promised you that I would make you proud, and I feel like I haven't been doing that lately. I want to change that. I want to live a life that reflects the love you gave to me and who it created in me: someone who knows love and can pass it on. To our children. In my friendships. To my family. And maybe, someday, to someone else. I don't know much, but I know feeling sorry for myself is getting me nowhere.


I am going to make you proud babe. I promise.
I miss you.
I love you always.

4 comments:

white collar | green soul said...

Your strength and resolve has always amazed me and keeps on doing so. Praying for you and your family.
- agata.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I'm happy you're taking care of yourself. Those beautiful kids need you.
xo

J and K Smith said...

I read your blog because I struggle (though in a situation quite opposite yours) and sometimes it is nice to stuggle with someone else. Thank you for sharing your journey. I have recently started reading True North--choosing God in the frustrations of life by Gary and Lisa Heim. It has been very good and very challenging. As I was processing thoughts from the book today, I felt pressed to encourage you to read it. So, wierd as it may be, I am sharing with you. I hope it blesses you.

Desi said...

Vee I'm so happy to hear that the sharpness is gone. Oh thank goodness. And wow, you are exercising?! You really are taking care of yourself and it's a great thing. I'm so so sure that you are making Jer proud! How could he not be proud of how you've handled yourself and taken care of your kids through this time?! He's gotta be proud, I just know it :) I'm proud!

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