Kids say the darndest things...

Ah....
I love when I get enough material for another post about the hilarious things my kids say!

source

1. I've already told this story once, but it's worth sharing again. Faith asked me when I was gonna start breaking the house. When I asked her what she meant, she said "Well, you keep getting bigger!" (Referring to my growing belly, just to clarify)

2. Faith heard a plane outside the house and peeked out the front window to check it out. Since it was dark, she also noticed some spotlights moving around (probably for haunted houses in the area), and at first said "Mommy, I think there's more lights." After a few seconds of watching, she started breathing heavy and freaking out. She ran out of the room screaming "Mommy, I think I'm scared!" After looking out with her and explaining what the lights were, she told me she thought they were monster lights. Poor thing. She's scared of everything.

3. Bless their hearts, they listen to every word I say. And I'll be first to admit that I'm not perfect, so once in awhile, they'll hear me say 'stupid' or 'I hate this...', and 'freakin'. Now, I wish I could claim that I started this phrase, but it really stops me in my tracks: Caleb has started telling me "Mommy, Jesus doesn't like when we say that." Thanks buddy. You're absolutely right.

4. At church this week, I handed Caleb a dollar and said "Here ya go bubba, this is for you to give to God." to which Caleb replied, "But where's God?" I tried to explain that God is everywhere and that He can see us but we can't see him, and that God lives in his heart. "Where is my heart?" little curious George insisted. I pointed to the middle of his chest right before he started lifting up his shirt in the middle of service to LOOK for it, and God!
If that wasn't cute enough, at the admonition song, I let Caleb stand on the pew in front of me, and I was tapping to the beat on his chest while singing. Caleb started getting really upset, turned around and shouted at me, "Mommy, don't hurt God!" =]

Never a dull moment with children, right?

Kids say the darndest things...

I thought it was time to do another rendition of 'Kids Say the Darndest Things' - especially mine. I haven't been good about writing them down lately, because our schedules have been chaos, but all their recent episodes keep running fresh in my mind. Brace yourselves...

1. My kids are on 'healthy vs. junky' kick with food. Ever since we did a nutrition unit at preschool, the kids constantly ask me if things are healthy or junky. I'm thankful for their curiosity in this subject, but it doesn't always mean they eat healthier (although Faith did yell at me once after ordering McDonalds that she would never eat it again cause it's too junky. She still ate her meal.) Anyway, the most frustrating thing is that my kids argue back and forth on random food items. We were walking through the grocery store, and they were naming things as they passed. "That's healthy, this is junky" etc. Then, being the hilarious and oh-so-clever 3 and 4 year olds that they are, started saying things like "You're junky. No, grandma's healthy." and so on. Finally, Caleb got fed up and shouted in the middle of the grocery store, "Faith is healthy. Mommy's healthy. Daddy's healthy. And I'M A WOMAN!"

I'm not sure where any of that fits into the healthy vs. junky story, but I stopped the cart to burst out laughing and beg him not to shout that so loud in a public place while explaining to him that he is in fact, NOT a woman.

My thought exactly.

2. Speaking of saying ridiculous things in public places, the next one is worse: I took the kids to the bathroom at a restaurant after eating lunch. As we're opening the door, Caleb asks, "Mommy, is this the girl's bathroom or the boy's bathroom?" When I told him it was the girl's bathroom, he stops. "If this is the girl's bathroom, then why is there a boy in here?" I look up to see a not-so-feminine looking woman washing her hands at the sink! I'm thinking, "Okay, just keep walking and pretend like you didn't hear it." But no. Caleb asks again. Finally in the stall, red from the neck up, I said as loud as I could without being obvious, "Caleb you're in here because you have to come with Mommy to the girl's bathroom." Phew! Conflict diverted, right? I hope so.

3. My kids recently got vaccinated for school. So Faith is very concerned about going to the doctor. We made an appointment for Caleb to see an allergist next week, because we think he may be allergic to mosquito bites and worse, bees. Caleb is fine talking about it so I was telling him that we're going to see a special doctor to check to see if he's allergic to anything. Faith was freaking out saying she'll just stay home with Daddy while we go, or asking over and over if Caleb was going to get shots. When I reassured her that she was not going to have to see the doctor this time, she announced, "Good. Cause I'm not allergic to anything. Except Giraffes. I love Giraffes." She also told me I might be allergic to them if I really liked them.

What? Crazy girl.

(Driving to VBS for Crazy hair day)

4. I always seem to have one inappropriate potty humor joke. Welcome to my family. Yesterday, when Caleb was in the bathroom, I went in to go help him and he proudly announced, "Mommy, I pooped. Wanna smell it?"

No thanks, I'm good.

I'm sure the hubs would be proud.

And the winner for 'Kids Say the Most Precious Things' this week is Faith:

"Mommy, if you say God when you're not supposed to, you need to say sorry to your heart."

How can you argue with something so precious? Especially when she's right.

Love my precious, crazy, loving, ridiculously neurotic kids!

Toddler Translator

One of my favorite things about having toddlers & teaching toddlers is listening to them form sentences, ideas, and words. It cracks me up how they pronounce things sometimes. When my kids mispronounce something, I try not to correct it...it usually fixes itself in time anyway and it's just too cute!! Here's are the translations for some of the funny things that my kids say:

“Tit-tar” : Guitar

“Niffles” : Nipples

“Some-be-body” : Somebody

“Honquered” : Conquered

“Fayf” : Faith

“Caybub” : Caleb

“Boodies” : Boobies

“Prylates” : Privates

“Booger” : Burger

“Blight” : The sound a magic wand makes…???

I know there are a ton more, but I can't remember them all...maybe I'll do another installment at a later time.

What are some funny ways your kids or kids you know have pronounced things?

Daddy says the darndest things

Okay, so yesterday while I was writing about the funny things my kids say, I was thinking about all the crazy things my husband has said to them. Mostly joking, sometimes inappropriate, he comes up with the craziest things! Here's just a few things I've caught him saying that had milk shooting out of my nose:

1. "I just asked you to clean up your playroom....it's not like I'm asking you to shoot a puppy!"

2. "If you don't knock it off, I'm gonna kill Santa." (LOL, seriously?)

3. "If you're not smart enough to NOT eat the paint, then you're not smart enough to use the paint."

Have you ever caught yourself saying any of these things? What's the craziest thing you've caught yourself saying to your kids?

And just for good measure....

Because he really is a pretty great dad...

Kids say the darndest things...

Another installment of 'Kids Say the Darndest Things' and the last bullet point I wanted to cover here. First, let me remind you how cute my kids are:

I actually think they were a few I wanted to remember, but didn't. I need to start writing them down as soon as they happen, but these are the ones fresh in my mind:

1. Last week, I was helping the Dude go potty. I thought he needed to go #2, but he did not. Finally, he got off and I was pulling his pants up, he said "Mommy, I think I just need to toot." and he proceeded to tooting away. I said 'Buddy, are you sure you don't have to go poop?' To which he replied "Nope, I'm just nasty." !!! That's what we say to daddy when he rudely interrupts us with his gastric musical interpretations. Like father, like son.

2. My kids call people 'Silly Goose Pigs'. I'm not sure why, but it's spread like wild fire. While I was at Gulf Coast Getaway, I received this text message from my dear friend Sarah who was selflessly watching my kids for the weekend: "So, Faith just called me a silly goose pig, and I totally thought she called me a silly douche bag!" I have accidentally taught my kids things I'm not proud of, but I don't think that is one of them!

3. This one is hilarious but hard to describe in writing: I'll do my best. Last week at the end of the school day, I had one of the girls come up to me to angrily tell me "Miss Veronica, Faith keeps spitting in my face!" Obviously appalled, cause my kids would never do something like that, I marched right over to her and started accusing her. "Who on earth would you spit in someone's face?" Well, Faith got just as angry back and declared "I was NOT spitting in her face, I was just trying to show her THIS: (this is the part I would love to demonstrate for you, cause I can't really describe it, but Faith proceeded to beat box). If you need the background to this, we've recently released our Praise team CD from church, with is Acappella, so there is some vocal percussion. The hubs also travels in a group, DeeperStill, an Acappella group with vocal percussion. Faith is a big fan. And since the release of our new CD, she has been practicing along! The funniest part was listening to her beat box with an angry face in hopes to describe what she was doing was clearly not spitting! I will have to get her on tape ASAP.

4. I love the mispronunciation of words by toddlers. My current favorites are Caleb's recent discovery of his "Niffles" and Faith's wiping her "prilates" - about the only way to make those two words cute!

My fabulously inappropriate children - You. Are. Welcome.

Can you do me a favorite?

Another series on the funny/adorable things my kids say....my kids have been extra hilarious this week.

1. I think it's super cute that whenever Faith wants me to do something for her, she always asks, "Mommy, can you do me a favorite?" =]

2. Last week after driving down dirt roads, the outside of our truck was looking like a hot mess. Faith was falling asleep in the back seat, but before she dozed off, she noted "Mommy, our truck is gross. You need to go to the car washing machine and clean it up." I guess that's actually pretty accurate. =]

3. Two mornings ago, it was quite rainy and dark when we left to go to school/work. Leaves were stuck to my windshield but I didn't bother wiping them off as I was running late. After a few minutes in the car, I hear Caleb in the back roaring like a lion as loud as he could. Then, a sigh of frustration. I look back to see his face getting red as he attempted an even bigger roar, and then more frustration. He sighed and said, "Mommy, it's not working. I can't scare the leaf away!" LOL Then he proceeded to ask me to help him blow as hard as possible from our seats in hopes to get rid of the leaf that way! I was tearing up from laughing so hard the whole way to work!

4. This one melted my heart today. On our way to school, we saw a beautiful sunrise. I pointed it out to the girls (Faith and Eden) and said, "Isn't God awesome?" Without missing a beat, Faith chimed in. "Yeah, and He's really funny."

"What does God do that makes you laugh?"

"Well, when He lives in my heart, sometimes He tickles me!"

Does life get any better?

Two bellies

To make an addition to my 'Kids say the darndest things' and 'Faith-isms', I bring you a new rendition from my little dude.

Caleb has been non-stop funny lately. I haven't remembered to write down all the funny things he's said recently, but the list is extensive. He's stringing together sentences making conversations with him endless entertainment.

1. Caleb is my snuggler. He loves to snuggle close to his momma.....but is not always as warm to daddy. Over the last week or so, he will lift up his shirt to show his belly, lift up daddy's shirt and put their bellies together and say "Two bellies." And he'll just lay there. LOL (Where do kids come up with this stuff?)

2. A conversation earlier this evening:

Faith: "Mommy, Caleb is pooping in his underwear!"

Caleb: "No, I not!"

Me (stopping what I am doing and rushing to the scene): "Phew. Faith, Caleb is not pooping, remember that we always tell the truth. We don't lie."

Caleb (screaming): "Yeah Faith. You don't jump on the bed. That's LYING!"

3. Caleb's new daily routine (and by daily, I mean 14-times-before-breakfast-and-every-meal-in-between) is to imitate Lightning McQueen from Cars, swaying side by side to say "KAPOW. KACHOW." It's so stinkin' cute!

There are a bunch more I remembered earlier today, but right now I can't! So, I'll try to re-post soon. Love you, dude!

Faith-isms

Faith has just been cracking me up the last few weeks, with all the silly things she says. Not just mistakes (which are so funny) but the way she phrases things, and the look on her face....I swear, she thinks she's 15 years old. They might not be as funny in words, without seeing the whole package that is 'Faith' but I had to write them down to remember...

Faith has been singing a lot of worship songs lately, which is super cute. Even cuter is that her favorite to sing is 'Mighty to Save'....and Faith, instead of singing 'He rose and conquered the grave', sings HONQUERED the grave, and sings it over and over at the top of her lungs! =]

Lately, when Faith wants a drink, she now says 'Mama, I think my tummy is trying to get thirsty.' =]

Last week, we were wasting time in Target waiting for Jeremy to meet us for lunch, and they were playing 'Spiderman 3' in the electronics section...a scene where Spiderman is saving a girl who had just fallen off a building. Faith was very concern about this girl, and talked about it all through lunch. About what she was doing, her family, what she eats, where she lives.....Now, we pray for her every night. =]

This evening, Jeremy was drinking a can of pepsi on the couch, and Faith instantly instructed 'Daddy, we don't drink on Mommy's new couch!' To which I replied, 'Well, I really just don't want kids eating or drinking on my new couches.' Faith yelled 'Or Jeremy's!' =]

I'm sure there are many more to come...love my 3 year old!

Kids say the darndest things...

Recently, the language of my kids has developed so much. And of course, the best part about watching their language skills evolve is hearing the things they come up with! I've been told by several people that I should record some of these silly sayings so that I don't forget them later but I never seem to remember to do so. Here's just a few of the funniest moments I can remember recently, I hope you enjoy them as much as I do:

1) Last night, while changing Caleb, he tooted. With a silly/shocked face, I jumped and said "Caleb, you silly goose, what do you say?" Thinking he was being funny, started pushing, trying to do it again, but nothing came out. He looked at me and said "Toot. Broken." HAHAHA

2) Along the same lines of potty humor (sorry, there are a lot), a few weeks ago Faith was on the toilet just chatting away with me (she has her most profound discussion while pooping!) In the midst of her conversation, she starting tooting continuously about 15 times without skipping a beat. I was just staring at her with a shocked look on my face. When she finally finished, I said "Oh my goodness Faith, what do you say?" She looked at me very seriously and said "Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me!!!!!" I almost fell off the tub I was laughing so hard!

3) This is just a cute thing that always makes me smile and I wanted to remember. Anytime Caleb thinks something is broken, he always says "Daddy fik it." What a cute guy.

4) This is an old story, but still worth sharing. At the peak of Faith's love for High School Musical, she got a shirt for Christmas from Jon and Holly Knutson with a picture of Troy (Zak Efron) on it. It was pink. The next day in the middle of a chat, I asked Faith what her favorite color was, she quickly responded, "Troy is my favorite color." =]

I love toddlers. Never boring, that's for sure! I'll post more when I think of more!