Revive

I have been wanting to update everyone on what's happening lately, especially about my experience at Women of Purpose. I realize that it was over a week and a half ago, but would you believe I haven't sat down for a moment since then? I promise just when I think life couldn't get any crazier or busier, it always does! But God is doing so many amazing things in my heart this year and I catch myself more and more stopping to take a deep breath and appreciate the blessings I have in every moment. When I stay focused on what's important, the business becomes purposeful and I can take it in stride a little easier. Besides, idol hands are the devil's handiwork, right? Or, something like that.

Well, the Women of Purpose conference was a beautiful, spirit-led day full of incredible women (and some men too!) encouraging one another in worship and in faith. I am happy to report that I survived my 40 minutes of speaking...and even went over if you can believe it (ok, those of you who know me and are chuckling right now cause you know what a talker I am can stop now - I was surprised). I was so blessed by everyone who came up and encouraged me afterwards with their own stories and how sharing my journey helped them even in the smallest ways. I count it a blessing when even one person is encouraged by my experience, so I was overwhelmed and humbled at the opportunity God gave me to share my story with so many. Oh yea, and I got to sing with some of my favorite Mountaineers too!
                       

And of course woven into this wonderful event is the beautiful story of how God brought me to the woman who built a home in Honduras in honor of my Jeremy 3 years ago, and allowed our stories to overlap just a few weeks ago. If you didn't read how that happened....YOU NEED TO. Scroll down and read the last blog post I wrote. I still get emotional thinking about it.

And speaking of that, you all are AH-MAZ-ING. Within the first 12 hours, you all donated enough for Steve and I both to make the trip to Honduras to serve!!! I can't tell you how thankful I am that he gets to come with me and share that experience (not to mention, his desire to go was so strong, and you all made that happen for us both!)

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I'm overjoyed to see the work that God has been doing, and I will try my best to document the trip for you all (and I'm sure I'll want to remember every detail). But my work is not done yet....

It will cost $1600 to build the next home in King's Quarters. The WOP team and the REVIVE team are doing their part to raise money for this trip, as well as carving out the time and resources to make this house building project possible this year, so I want to do my part and ask once again for you all to be a part of this amazing story. I know God's hand is in all this, as been made evident through this whole process - but every dollar helps. I am keeping the donations open until the first of November (click the donate button at the top left corner of this page), so there are only 2 weeks left to donate.

If that's not your cup of tea, consider buying a Revive t-shirt (I bought one and let me tell - they are not only cute, but SUPER comfy!) and with every purchase, we will send another t-shirt to our Honduran missionaries that we serve. It's a great way to do something good AND get something cute as a reminder - CLICK HERE to order!

And if neither of those options are right for you (and that's ok!) - please consider setting aside a few minutes to pray over this trip and this ministry. Pray that the missionaries are indeed revived and blessed through these few days, pray that we raise the money needed for building as well as the money needed for REVIVE to operate, for safe travel, and for anyone involved to be blessed by this experience. This an important plea, as we can always use all the prayers we can get!

That's all I can keep my eyes open long enough to write out. Tonight, I go to bed with a full heart, and please know that YOU have a hand in that.

You won't believe this incredible story anymore than I did...

I am shaking as I write this.
I haven't been able to sleep.

It seems fitting that the first post on my blog in almost a year should arise out of this incredible experience I had last night. And I need to share it with you all.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to be a speaker/presenter to share my story for the Women of Purpose Conference here in Parkersburg (you can learn more about it here). I am definitely not a great public speaker and I'm incredibly nervous about delivering a message for hundreds of women, but I know God has a story to tell through me, and I am trying to be a willing vessel. I am humbled and honored at the opportunity. As a very cool twist of irony, I discovered this week that the event will be held in the very same building I came to lead worship in for a rally 2 weeks after Jeremy passed away. And some of the women on the WOP planning committee were in the audience that weekend and were praying over me when they heard my story. I can't really tell you why I went that weekend or even remember a whole lot about it, but it's humbling to put faces and names to the amazing people who lifted me up all over the country during the darkest days of my life.

Anyway, last night I went to a planning meeting for the event to run through the flow and focus of the day. One of the cool and unique things about Women of Purpose is that they support a ministry called Revive, which serves missionaries in Honduras. As they were sitting around the room discussing details of the trip and sharing with me the blessings of the ministry and how much it has meant to them, I half jokingly but genuinely told them how much I would love to be part of something so powerful. It has always been my dream to do a mission overseas and the few times I've had the opportunity, it had fallen through for one reason or another. And Honduras has a special place in my heart already...

Any of you that have been following this blog long enough may remember that on the first anniversary of Jeremy's death, a woman contacted me to tell me that in honor of his memory a group of people were building a house in Honduras and putting up a family who desired to follow God. As they put them up in a home, they also shared Jeremy's legacy as encouragement and example of a godly man and father. (I posted about it here - read it, it's amazing.) Of course, I hadn't touched base with that women in years but since that day, my heart has ached to someday travel to see the place that is marked with the memory of my husband.

I randomly shared this story with this group of strangers I barely knew.....and here's where it gets really crazy...

One of the women looked at me and said, "That was me. I sent you that letter."

Excuse me, what?!

This woman (her name is Jen, btw), this beautiful spirit who probably without knowing it brought me hope on one of the hardest days of my life, who gave me this incredible piece of honor for my husband WAS SITTING IN THE ROOM WITH ME AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT.

If you don't have goosebumps at this point, then I'm not telling this story right. But, it gets even better. They need extra people on their team because of the growing demand for this ministry...to teach, lead worship, encourage and pray with these missionaries in Honduras, and asked if I'd like to be a part of the team. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! It's a no brainer - it combines so many things I've always dreamed about. And because of Revive and the great need for this ministry, they haven't put another home in "King's Quarter" since 3 years ago and there is a possibility that we may to able to add another this year and that I may get to HELP. BUILD. IT. (The tears are flowing for me now.)

If that's not enough, the trip just happens to land over November 9th, which will mark the 4th anniversary of Jeremy's death.

I got in my car that night and burst (almost literally) into tears! What an incredible overlapping of circumstance and stories that brought to me this moment. I have fumbled through how to share this and re-playing it over and over in my head. And praying. So much praying.

So....there's more to this story. This mission leaves in just over 6 weeks, and I am very far behind in the game! Luckily for me, I have everything necessary to make the trip except the funds for my flight. Lodging and food once I'm there will be covered, but I of course have to get myself there and back. I've never been good at asking for money, but here I am, hoping and asking for you to be a part of this incredible story and help me make this dream a reality.

My blog followers and those random people who just stop by once in awhile; my family and friends....you have all given me so much that I could never repay - monetarily, physically, spiritually - as well as banded together to bless another widow in her time of need. I am truly grateful for this space that God has used over and over again. I could never expect more from all of you. But, if you can find it in your heart to give, there would be no depth to my appreciation.

I have added the donation button at the top. My goal is to raise at least $1000 - anything above and beyond that will go to Revive to fund expenses for this ministry and further trips. If you can't give money, please consider giving up a few minute to lift these people up in prayer: The missionaries in Honduras, the people of Honduras, the WOP team, and my role in all of this as I attempt to serve in this incredible capacity.

Thank you thank you THANK YOU to everyone who is reading this. For even considering supporting me, for praying, or just for taking the time to read my story and hopefully mark in your heart the legacy of the man I love and how God has worked through the tragedies in my life to bring hope to others and glory to Him.

How you can help

I've posted this once before, but with everyone visiting to help Amy, I thought this was a great thing to share again, as it was so helpful for me (and still is!):

"How You Can Help Me"

Please talk about my loved one, even though he is gone. It is more comforting to cry than to pretend that he never existed. I need to talk about him, and I need to do it over and over.

Be patient with my agitation. Nothing feels secure in my world. Get comfortable with my crying. Sadness hits me in waves, and I never know when my tears may flow. Just sit with me in silence and hold my hand.

Don't abandon me with the excuse that you don't want to upset me. You can't catch my grief. My world is painful, and when you are too afraid to call me or visit or say anything, you isolate me at a time when I most need to be cared about. If you don't know what to say, just come over, give me a hug or touch my arm, and gently say, "I'm sorry." You can even say, "I just don't know what to say, but I care, and want you to know that."

Just because I look good does not mean that I feel good. Ask me how I feel only if you really have time to find out.

I am not strong. I'm just numb. When you tell me I am strong, I feel that you don't see me. I will not recover. This is not a cold or the flu. I'm not sick. I'm grieving and that's different. My grieving may only begin 6 months after my loved one's death. Don't think that I will be over it in a year. For I am not only grieving his death, but also the person I was when I was with him, the life that we shared, the plans we had for our children, the places we will never get to go together, and the hopes and dreams that will never come true. My whole world has crumbled and I will never be the same.

I will not always be grieving as intensely, but I will never forget my loved one and rather than recover, I want to incorporate his life and love into the rest of my life. He is a part of me and always will be, and sometimes I will remember him with joy and other times with a tear. Both are okay.

I don't have to accept the death. Yes, I have to understand that it has happened and it is real, but there are some things in life that are just not acceptable. When you tell me what I should be doing, then I feel even more lost and alone. I feel badly enough that my loved one is dead, so please don't make it worse by telling me I'm not doing this right. And remember, I was a capable adult before his death and I still am.

Please don't tell me I can find someone else or that I need to start dating again. I may not be ready. And maybe I don't want to be. And besides, what makes you think people are replaceable? They aren't. Whoever comes after will always be someone different.

I don't even understand what you mean when you say, "You've got to get on with your life." My life is going on, I've been forced to take on many new responsibilities and roles. It may not look the way you think it should. This will take time and I will never be my old self again. So please, just love me as I am today, and know that with your love and support, the joy will slowly return to my life. But I will never forget and there will always be times that I cry.

I need to know that you care about me. I need to feel your touch, your hugs. I need you just to be with me, and I need to be with you. I need to know you believe in me and in my ability to get through my grief in my own way, and in my own time.

Please don't say, "Call me if you need anything." I'll never call you because I have no idea what I need. Trying to figure out what you could do for me takes more energy than I have. So, in advance, let me give you some ideas:

(a) Bring food or a movie over to watch together.

(b) Send me a card on special holidays, our wedding anniversary, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death, and be sure to mention his name. You can't make me cry. The tears are here and I will love you for giving me the opportunity to shed them because someone cared enough about me to reach out on this difficult day.

(c) Ask me more than once to join you at a movie or lunch or dinner. I may say no at first or even for a while, but please don't give up on me because somewhere down the line, I may be ready, and if you've given up then I really will be alone.

(d) Understand how difficult it is for me to be surrounded by couples, to walk into events alone, to feel out of place in the same situations where I used to feel so comfortable.

Please don't judge me now - or think that I'm behaving strangely. Remember I'm grieving. I may even be in shock. I am afraid. I may feel deep rage. I may even feel guilty. But above all, I hurt. I'm experiencing a pain unlike any I've ever felt before and one that can't be imagined by anyone who has not walked in my shoes.

Don't worry if you think I'm getting better and then suddenly I seem to slip backward. Grief makes me behave this way at times. And please don't tell me you know how I feel, or that it's time for me to get on with my life. What I need now is time to grieve. Most of all thank you for being my friend. Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for caring. Thank you for helping, for understanding.

And remember in the days or years ahead, after your loss - when you need me as I have needed you - I will understand. And then I will come and be with you.

--Author Unknown

Reaching goals

Traffic is going down - let's pick it back up!

Because I have been out of town (leading worship in Iowa and recording a new EP for Sola), I haven't been able to post anything new or give you any updates. Our traffic has gone down this week, so please keep sharing, clicking and donating to raise money for Amy (read more about that HERE)

I made a promise that I would commit to posting more on this blog to help traffic continue to flow this month to raise money for Amy. I figured it was also an opportunity for the much needed face lift to happen to my blog. If you've noticed, the colors have changed, I have been working on a new display (hopefully it will up soon), and I've added and updated new tabs, so you can read more about me, my family, and our story.

At some point, someone had offered to help me design my blog. Obviously, it's nothing professional, but I would like it to be. I will blame widow brain, but I don't remember who it was or when it was because I can't find that comment anywhere. So I thought I'd shamelessly plug in a plea for anyone who designs blogs or knows of someone who does to help a sister out. I have big plans for this place.

Alright, now that that's over with, I would like to say that after just over a week, we have raised over $4,300.00 to help my sweet friend Amy! I've decided to just go ahead and state that I would like to set a goal of raising at least $10,000.00 for Amy. It's totally doable, we're almost half-way there, but I will need your help! Remember, clicking and visiting the blog helps, but if you are able, please consider donating (even if it's just $5.00) safely and securely at the top left hand of this page through Paypal.

Hopefully, while we're clicking away to help someone who needs it, I will reach another goal I set a long time ago: 1,000,000 page views to this blog. Right now, I'm just past 950,000.....can you believe that goal is actually in reach?! I can't. It's unbelievable what God has done. My other goal was to reach 1000 followers. I'm getting pretty close to that too!

Thank you all for your continued support. We are doing great things and making a difference. I can't wait to see what the final numbers are at the end of the month!

Community matters

source

I write for a blog called Widow's Voice. It's devised of several widowed people, writing each day about our grief journeys. If you know anyone or God forbid ever find yourself in grief, I encourage you to go there. What I love about it is that it's a group of people who understand that community matters. We're witness to the value of finding someone, anyone, to remind us that we are not alone. That's why most of us are there.

But this week, I've been struck by watching the rest of the world be reminded of how vital community is. Watching everyone anxiously reach out in their hurt and confusion over the sudden loss of life too young. And now everyone who loved Amy's husband, Jim, is searching for answers.
Searching for comfort.
Searching for peace.
Searching for community.

Two days ago, I announced that I was donating my blog earnings from the month of December to help ease the financial burden for Amy. Now, on a monthly basis, I make very little from this blog, maybe enough to go out to dinner - but when a community comes together, it's amazing what can be done. I won't know the final count from page impressions til the end of the month, but I can tell you that my blog went from an average of 700 page views to 11,000 page views overnight!!! And just in Paypal donations, we have raised over $3,500.00!!! And that's just in two days. Imagine the blessing we could be to Amy by the end of the month.

I watched my Facebook feed blow up to share and donate to Amy. The response is outstanding and overwhelming. Good people are still out there, and when they hurt, we all hurt. It's a reminder that we're not supposed to walk through life alone, but in community. I'm amazed at the community that has come together to help my sweet friend. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I will try to keep you updated along the way a few more times this month. But please, KEEP CLICKING. KEEP SHARING. KEEP DONATING. You are making an incredible difference!

Thank you all for reminding me that community matters.

Choose life.

As per my second annual post to my brother, I wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday.
Today, my brother Brian would have been 28.

Would have been. That past tense is killer. Just three words to make you come to screeching halt and realize he no longer is. It's hard to believe he's been gone for almost 17 months. Today I woke up thinking about Amy and all my friends that are suffering the loss of her husband Jim on Friday. Then my heart started aching for my mom & dad, brother Matt, and all the people Brian loved dearly.

All of sudden I realized that just more than 2 years ago I was just like everyone else. In just a short amount of time, I became a reference. A person who people think "I hope that never happens to me." I don't say that to gain pity...I say that out of the sheer shock that life can change at any moment. How did that become me? My friends and family haven't suffered enough loss?

I know that death is a part of life. And ultimately, death means that we have life. As I sit with friends grieving at Panera, or shopping for a funeral dress, or texting my parents and brother to let them know they're on my heart, or hearing the sounds of the last of Jim's family members coming into town and embracing one another in pure heartache - I am reminded that death is never far away.

Choose life. While you're here, choose to live. More importantly, choose to love. Or as my best friend Sarah so perfectly worded it: Make sure your default is love. Hold the ones you love a little tighter. Get rid of the distractions and follow through on promises. Keep your word. Keep in touch. Help a friend who needs it. Love without regret or restraint.

Love you, bro. Wish I could hug you and tell you in person. Know that you will never be forgotten and I promise your name will never be unfamiliar in our house. We love you and miss you dearly. Happy Birthday.

*****Don't forget that through the month of December, revenue collected from my blog will be donated to my dear friend Amy Lewis, who lost her husband suddenly last Friday. Each page impression will donate a small amount of money, so if we all keep clicking together, it will add up to a lot! Just since yesterday, we've raised over $2000 just in Paypal donations! Let's keep going! Please consider donating at the top left hand of the page to help ease the financial burden that Amy is facing. Thank you!*****

DO SOMETHING

This week, my heart has been so heavy. 

Saturday morning, I got a call that my sweet friend, Amy Lewis, suddenly and tragically lost her husband, Jim, on Friday evening. As my jaw dropped to the floor and I tried to process the implications of what that meant, I couldn't stop shaking. Amy lives right around the corner from me, so I headed over there as quickly as I could, on the verge of puking the whole time. 

It was too familiar. Only this time, I wasn't looking at the moment to moment but could envision every horrible moment I faced through this painstaking journey that I was certain Amy knew nothing about yet. You'd think having walked down this awful road, I would have some insight or some inkling of what to say or what to do. All I could come up with was I need to hug her. I need to be near here. I need her to know I am here.  Past that, I was helpless.

Amy was one of the faces that continued to show up after Jeremy died. She was my comic relief, my break from real life, and one of the women who continually served me and my family. I specifically remember seeing her one morning on my way out of the house while she was making her way in bright and early to clean for me. I remember feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for one less task I had to think about, one less worry to have. 

It was two months to the day of Jim's death that I last saw him. We met up with mutual friends to have lunch after church at Dickie's. I sat on the kid-end of the table, taking pictures of the kiddos and keeping them under control, so I didn't get to interact with Jim much. But I remember a lot of laughter.

Amy and I have known each other for quite a few years. She worked at the college when I attended, and worked there with Jeremy, and she and Jim were in a small group with us a few years ago. We've grown closer even since Jeremy's death, through her generosity and our occasional week day breakfasts. My heart has been with her almost every moment since I found out. She's only 34. Jim was 39. This isn't supposed to keep happening to people around me. My heart has also been with Mark Johnson, who is one of Jim's best friend - who also happened to be the friend that found my Jeremy dead beneath his tree stand and was with Amy the moment she found out. He has lost two of his closest friends in such a short amount of time and I know the weight he is carrying is so heavy. 

My heart aches with the need to DO SOMETHING. I know how hard it was for me to ask for help, so I'm not waiting around for her to ask. I'm doing something. Anything. One thing I know is that Amy discovered the terrible news that since the life insurance policy her and Jim took out 20 months ago did not meet the 24 month limit before cashing out, she will not be receiving life insurance money. Just one more heavy burden on an already devastated heart. 

So, with the little resources I have, I have decided that for the entire month of December, I will be raising money for Amy, in honor of Jim, to cover the cost of funeral expenses and generally ease the financial burden that Amy is facing. I don't make much from this blog on my own, but with the help of all of you, I am confident that we can make a dent. A significant dent. All you have to do is click on my blog as many times a day as you can for the month of December. Make sure the page loads - THAT'S IT. Each page impression creates revenue. 

In addition, I have added a Paypal donation button at the top left of my page for people to go above and beyond the call to help. What Amy needs is community, and in the season of giving, I pray that you would consider helping this incredible woman, and my sweet friend, breathe a little easier while she struggles to take the next step without her husband of almost 11 years.

Amy & Jim Lewis - married almost 11 years.

Jim and Amy, along with some of my nearest and dearest friends, supporting my children at the Jeremy King memorial dinner last November. 

Jim & Amy's engagement photos

Jim & Amy, along with their closest friends, Tamara & Mark, at our wedding in May.

A few of the women who were staples through my grief journey, who are now walking this horrible path along side another hurting friend.

I will continue to remind you as much as I can this month to keep visiting, as well as commit to actually posting more here (I have really been slacking in that area).

Thank you in advance for the love and support I already know is over flowing for Amy. Thank you for your generous hearts and for the prayers that will be so vital to her. Y'all are such a blessing to me, and I know you will be for Amy as well.

I have the best friends. For real.

One of Jeremy's friends, John - who has quickly become a dear friend to me as well - with my man Caleb (they're good buddies). He has asked me to share this on my blog to get the word out:

To all of Veronica King's family, friends and whoever is willing to help:

For those of you who don't know, Veronica King tragically lost her husband Jeremy King at the young age of 31 to a heart condition back in November of 2010. Veronica is now left to raise their three beautiful children all on her own. 

Her current vehicle is approaching 200,000 miles and needs to be replaced to better fit her needs. She needs a vehicle that is more reliable and more suited for three kids in car seats. Veronica travels long distances to see family and to keep up with her singing commitments. So, let's all pull together and raise money so she can travel in the safety and reliability of a newer vehicle. 

Please send money to:

Rochester Church of Christ
250 West Avon Road
Rochester Hills, Michigan 48307
248.651.1933
www.rochestercoc.org 

Make checks payable to Rochester Church of Christ and put King Memorial Fund on the memo line. 

All donations are tax deductible.




Seriously, could I have better friends? I think not. I have yet to find a need that hasn't been filled or is planned to be filled over the last few months. My dear blog readers have already participated in multiple ways in helping me and my family - and I am eternally grateful.


I also want to let you know I have now added a 'donate' button on my blog - on the sidebar to the left. It's easy and secure, and I know many people have asked if I had a paypal account because they didn't want to mail money. Plus, it's easier to donate small amounts - even a few dollars makes a huge difference. Right now, all monies donated will go directly towards a new vehicle.


More than all these different ways to help, which I appreciate, please continue the prayers. They are still very much needed, and they're invaluable.