Today while I was running errands, I drove past the KFC/A&W where we had lunch the day you died. Just hours before you hit the ground, that's where our last family memories were made. I have no reason to drive by it much anymore, and I was surprised to feel such a reaction from it. My heart started beating so loud and fast, an almost panic took over for a few seconds. And I wanted desperately to go back to that day, back to you.

We took Caleb to see Cars 2 for the third time. He wants to make sure he gets to see with all his favorite people. But every time, it really bums me out that it's not you. I've already caught myself trying to memorize the names of some of the characters in the movie for when he asks, cause normally you would know that stuff. I am certain the two of you would be talking about it constantly, and you would be bringing home different cars for his collection on your way back from work. It kills me. Almost as much as it kills me to watch other men bonding with him and playing with him. It's sweet and beautiful, but it's so painful. So so bittersweet.

I looked through pictures of you and Caleb when he was a baby. Two buddies, crazy about each other. What I wouldn't give to have just a few pictures like that of you and Carter so I can tell him "Look how crazy your daddy was about you." Ugh.

I miss you baby. I miss watching you play with our son and teaching him how to grow up to be a good man.

I love you forever and always.


Anonymous said...

i dont know you, and to say Im proud of you feels very stupid very fake but I am. Your words to your husband, to your children make me wake up EACH AND EVERY day and be thankful... and I really honestly wasn't before.
I wait for your posts, your beautiful words and they lift me, and in my sorrow for your pain I am so thankful... I know that probably does not make sense........ but to me it does.
I am forever changed by your family, forever greatfull.....

Anonymous said...

Vee-This post breaks my heart because I feel pain similar to this. My oldest son had six years with his dad and my youngest only six months. My oldest and his dad were buds too and loved each other so, so much. It breaks my heart that my little one will never know this bond. Every day I think about how much my boys are missing out on without their dad. I do my best, but know how different their lives would have been with him here. I'm so sorry your family experiences this pain too. Hang in there. Thanks for writing -


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