7.16.2011

"These Days"


"These days."

That's the phrase I now inadvertently use to describe my life since Jeremy died. My life has now been split into two categories: Before Jeremy died and After. These days refers to the 'after'. I catch myself saying it so often. Like when I tell people that I don't get much sleep anymore these days. Not because I have three kids and one of them is 5 months old, it's still because I can't sleep alone. It's still because my bed echoes silence and I inevitably lay in bed crying out to Jer a lot of nights.

Or when I tell people that I don't have time for much these days. That IS because I have three kids, and I'm doing this alone. But the free time I have when I'm not using it to travel or unpack my house, it's spent aimlessly daydreaming about my past, worrying about my future, and sitting under a blanket of uncertainly that I don't know how to uncover.

Truth is, life is hard these days.


6 comments:

megan said...

*

KT Monk said...

These days I am sure praying for you a LOT. ((hugs))

The Better Baker said...

How my heart aches for you. You express your thoughts so beautifully...and I'm so glad you do. Sharing with friends help divide the grief...and I can't imagine you trying to carry that ginormous load by yourself. Keep looking up...one day at a time.

The Better Baker said...

How my heart aches for you. You express your thoughts so beautifully...and I'm so glad you do. Sharing with friends help divide the grief...and I can't imagine you trying to carry that ginormous load by yourself. Keep looking up...one day at a time.

Moosey Mom said...

I have a lot of thoughts running through my head, but no words for them. Just...I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry you have to sleep alone. I am sorry you have to parent alone. I pray each time I read your blog that God will hold you, and you will feel less alone. That time will heal the pain and make the memories happier. Hang in there.

Jo Julia said...

as megan said, *. i find myself using this phrase as well. i hope "these days" will be "those days" for us one day in the future. does that make sense? I'm losing my mind i think. :)

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