I haven't decided yet if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I survived today. It was a heavy weighted day, your absence followed me everywhere. But I spend a lot of time and energy trying to outrun grief and acting 'normal' and today I decided I needed to face it. I made a date with grief and I just wanted the chance to be with you, think about you, talk to you, cry out for you, and love you. That's what I did. I spent most of the day on the couch just feeling sorry for myself and soaking in the weight of the hole you left in my heart. I haven't felt this stricken in months.

What I will say is that so many people pulled me up today in love. I got so many texts, FB messages and postings, phone calls...two flower deliveries and even a slurpee delivery. Even though it doesn't take away the pain, I can't describe the gratitude I have knowing people have not forgotten you. Or us. 
Even the kids were thoughtful today. We talked about it a little last night, but today I asked them to let me lay down for a bit and Faith took it upon herself to try and clean for me. She asked Caleb to put his toys away and swept the floor...she told me that even though Daddy isn't here, they can still help. Seriously? I couldn't ask for anything more. The house may have been a mess afterward, but the thoughtfulness filled my heart. They drew pictures for you today, and told Carter silly stories about you. Caleb slept with a play phone tonight and said he was gonna call you and tell you that all of us miss you very much and he wishes your heart was still working.

I miss you more than I ever thought possible. My only peace came from knowing you don't have to live this hell I'm in.
I love you more than anything baby.


Delaney said...

This may sound strange coming from a blog "stranger" but my heart really breaks for you.I read your words and tears often fill my eyes. I can only lift you up to God and let you know that I am thinking of you. But be encouraged because your words, emotions and strength are powerful. Jesus shines through even amidst all your pain.

The Domestic Engineer said...

Caleb and the play phone...bless his sweet little heart. I sobbed.

Anonymous said...

On your 2011 Wedding Anniversary, I can't imagine your love for Jeremy has ever been stronger.

May you be blessed with continued support from those around you, and peace in your heart.

Think about your every single day...
My mind is unable to comprehend or fatham the depth of your grief. I simply don't know if I'd be still standing if I were in your shoes- if amazes me that you get up each day and do what you need to do for those kids. Many people wouldn't.

Here's hoping that you have easier days ahead, although these super tough ones will surely meet you again.

I love the flowers Jeremy sent ;)
Clearly, your friends received a message from heaven, and he asked people to deliver on his behalf. Smart man!


Basemera said...

Mrs. King I think about you and pray for you and your beautiful children everyday. I love reading your blogs. Tears often fill my eyes when I read them. God Bless you.

Danielle_Wright said...

I have been following your blog since GCG this year. and there have been many times i have cried reading it, smiled reading it, and just not known what to say. Today is one of those days i do not know what to say. I have prayed a simple prayer for you many times with the "big" days come up for you, those milestones you never want to come. and I simply ask God to hold you and your kids and give you what you need for that day. Thank you for sharing with all of us... strangers and friends.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

There are some posts were i don't know what to say. Like Danielle I can only try and uplift you in prayer. I wish there was more I could do.

AshleyZ said...

Praying for you and your family, it sounds like it has not been an easy year for you. God is faithful, He is with you every step of the way. Many prayers!


Related Posts with Thumbnails