9.30.2011

4:34

My mom used to tell me that whenever she saw 7:28 on the clock, she'd make a wish. 7/28 is her birthday, and she thought it was lucky and I started noticing the time when I saw it on the clock too.


Now, though, I always seem to notice the time at 4:34. I don't know why it became so significant to me, but that's what time I sent you the last text before you died. I only know that because you sent a text at the same time to Mark. Only, I never heard back from you. And now, I see that time on the clock constantly and my heart skips a beat. I always wonder....did you get that text from me? Did you read it? And right when all this was going through my head today I looked at the clock only to see it again. 4:34.


The unknown is a horrible place to be. And I think it may haunt me forever. And even when it subsides and I don't think about it as much, every time I see that time on my clock, it will take me there no matter what. 


I miss you baby. If you didn't read my text, it just said "Love you!" I re-read a few times a week on my phone.
I love you always and forever.




3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I stumbled upon your blog somehow and have read your entire journey in less than a day. If he didn't read that text then, he can definitely read it now and feel your love. I can already begin to hear some small amount of peace in your writings. May God bless you and your beautiful children beyond measure.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I love that when you see that time you will think of Jer. Mind if I say I wish for you and the kids at that time too?

Desi said...

Oh God I hope Jer read that text. And if he didn't, he knew. Oh he soooo knew. He had to, your love for him radiates through this computer screen so I know that he had to know you loved him. I hope he read that text so that could be one of the last thoughts before he passed. Praying!

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