Your littlest man started clapping today. It's the cutest thing and you can tell he's very proud that he's figured it out. I was sitting on the floor practicing with him while we were both giggling, and I thought to myself 'We need to get it down just right so we can show daddy when he gets home.'
BAM. No wait, that's not right. Why did I think that? I suddenly remembered Faith being almost that exact age, staying at your grandmother's house while you out hunting for the weekend with the guys and she learned how to clap. I got so excited and we practiced all weekend so we could show you when you got back. I may have forgotten that memory had I not re-lived it today with Carter. But I remember the look of pride on your face when you came home and she did it on command for you. Maybe you were showing me that same pride for our little guy.
I haven't had a lapse like that in awhile, one where I actually believe you're not gone. I almost forgot the devastation of realizing I had done that. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a moment with you again.
I also felt that same smile of pride from you today when I finally finished the outside of the house today. Got everything painted, and with the exception of one window that I was too scared to get up on the ladder to do, I hung the shutters. I was pretty proud of myself. I know I'm capable of doing these things, I just really hate when I HAVE to.
What a difference it makes. It feels so fresh and clean and I love it. It's silly that these little things are sometimes what makes me miss you most - I wish you could see it and appreciate it with me.
Your princess is now a ballerina, she started her ballet/jazz class today. I wasn't sure if ballet would be engaging enough for that little ball of energy, but she insisted. I wish you could have seen her dancing today, I could have cried watching her today. The silly grin on her face as she practiced coordinated moves in the mirror was just priceless. I think she is going to love it.
I miss you baby. I hate that you're missing out on our every day mundane-ness.
I love you with all that I am.