9.05.2011

jealousy

Today, I felt your absence. Spent time with many great people and dear friends, but I was painfully aware of the fact that I am no longer part of a couple. I can usually brush it aside and focus on other things, but it was blaring it's horn at me today. I hate harboring intense jealousy for other people and what they have. I fear I will live with uncontrollable jealousy for the rest of my life now.


I kept waiting to hear your laugh in the background while you hung out with the guys, or the sound of you chasing the kids around the yard, or seeing you hovering around the food table....my mind and my heart were playing tricks on me today. It was a cruel joke.


I've felt you close the last few days, which I'm so thankful for cause you were slipping away for awhile there. I don't know if it's because your family is here and they keep you close to me or what, but please stay close. Help me remember why I'm still fightin' this. 


I miss you baby. Every minute of every day.
I love you with all that I am.





3 comments:

Teachinfourth said...

You know, I arrived here because of Karen.

I think that your loss must be hard, but at least you had him for a little while. It's better that than not ever having had anything, right?

Cherish the memories.

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I'm glad you have been feeling Jer lately. I pray you continue to feel him.

Jo Julia said...

lately i've been having a thought. of course we know it's never helpful or healthy to compare ourselves to others- but also- and i don't mean this maliciously- i wouldn't wish pain on anyone- esp. this kind- but just that we don't know what the future holds for any of those happy couples we see. after all, we were one of them someone else might have envied not that long ago...and now look at us? i guess i'm just saying we don't know what anyone's journey will really entail or be like or what tomorrow holds for them. anyway, for some reason that thought's been helping me be a bit less jealous- but really- just a bit.

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails