Our sweet little Carter is 7 months old today. I can hardly believe it. His smiles and giggles are sometimes the only thing that can make me smile. He's got 2 teeth coming in, he loves talking and is always saying 'mama' or 'dada'. He's sitting up, loves his big brother and big sister, and will sit and watch the Fresh Beat Band with them - it's hilarious. He's got delicious thigh rolls, and huge hands that are a mark of any King male. His hair is really starting to turn red, and in the sun, we like to refer to his 'cheeto-brows' because it looks like someone rubbed Cheetos on his eyebrows. He's such a little ham.
All I could think about today was how much you would love him. He feels like he's been a part of my life always and yet I can't get over the fact that you've never met him, seen him, touched him, or kissed him. There something perverse and backwards about it.
One year ago tomorrow we had our ultrasound to find out if he was a girl or a boy. We all went together - all 4 of us. I always loved the weird looks when you and the kids came to my prenatal appointments with me. It must be rare, but to us it was normal - we were in this together. I don't think you ever missed one. And this time, I have this burned image in my head of laying on the table, looking at the big screen in front of me, and you to the left of me, holding Faith and Caleb, telling them what we were looking at - our little peanut. Later you told me that you noticed he was a boy before the nurse pointed it out, and you were staring at me waiting for my reaction because I wanted a girl. Oh, am I ever glad we had a boy. Our precious little peanut. I posted about it here.
I still have moments where I feel like one life was traded for another. But today, I'm trying not to dwell on it. Today, I'm just trying to be thankful for our little miracle. Our sweet Carter. Thank you for loving him unconditionally before you ever laid eyes on him. Thank you for helping me make the sweetest children ever.
I miss you baby. And in some weird way, I think Carter does too. You should see the smile he gives me when I say 'dada' as he plays with your necklace. It's like he knows.
I love you always and forever.