I hate to admit it, but most days are actually getting easier. But today was not one of those days. I missed you terribly. I don't know if it's because I am feeling ill and I miss having you take care of me or because the sight of other couples was especially painful to me today, but it hurt.
I realized what I missed today was your protection. I've never had anyone take care of me the way you did, who looked out for my best interests like you did. No one has ever made me feel more safe. I never had any serious cares in the world because I always somehow knew things would work out and you'd still be by my side, taking care of me.
I guess in some ways, I'm still in disbelief that you're gone. My protector - you seemed invincible on some levels and I never thought I'd see the day where I wouldn't have that protection from you. Certainly not this soon. I spend all my days now pretending to be strong, just trying to survive. What I really crave is to not have to be so strong, to have someone look out for me and make me feel secure.
I miss you babe.
I love you always and forever.