youth in action

It really is starting to get more difficult to digest you not being here as the one year anniversary approaches, especially on days like today when I'm doing something that we did together last year. Today was the start of Youth in Action in Okalona, one of your favorite gigs to sing for and you were supposed to be leading this weekend. It seems like yesterday and an eternity ago that we were here last year, a lot like many other experiences these days. My life is frozen so my perception of time is completely off. Either way, I can almost see you laughing and talking to people, imagining your presence sitting next to the sound board or joking around in the lobby. 

I'm thankful that DeeperStill was able to take things over and that I could come. This weekend, I feel close to you here cause I know you would have been here. People came up to me tonight after the concert telling me how strong I am and wondering how I got on stage to sing. They don't know how I do it and to be honest, neither do I. I have no idea how I keep it together but I'm glad your legacy is living on through these opportunities.

I miss you baby. I hate staying in a hotel room without you.  Seems like such a waste.
I love you with all that I am.

-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died

DAY 7: He is God
"A common saying espouses, 'God could not be everywhere, therefore He made mothers.' A better adage is, "The mothers God made can't be everywhere, but that's okay because God can.' His ability to be everywhere is one of the attributes that makes Him God. Rest in His omnipresence today.


Delaney said...

I know that you have said you don't feel strong. And I don't blame you. But I see strength and courage in your words. More than I could imagine. You truly are an inspiration.

Jo Julia said...

just to let you know- i'm here- reading. feeling exactly what you mean about the inadequacy of words to express the depth of the loss and love.
with you in this.

the one year is tough but you've been doing the 'grief work" as they call it- you will be ready. i reminded myself that he had died the previous year on that day and would not die again.


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