too young/too old

This evening, I dropped Faith off for two days at Camp Hope. A camp for grieving kids who have lost a loved one, I think it will be a good experience for her to talk to other people. I see little pieces of her grief when it sneaks out, but she doesn't really let me in often because I think she's trying to protect me. I'm hoping this will be a time where she doesn't have to worry about me and she can just express her heart and how she's really feeling. There's only one problem:

She's 5 years old.

5 years old. Too young to have lost a father, a key figure in her life. Too young to attend a camp for grieving kids. Too young to have to learn how to live life that doesn't look like everyone else's. Far too young. 

And yet, when I dropped her off today, she seemed too old. She's never done anything like this, gone away with strange people with literally no one she knows for two whole nights without me. I was anxious all day. You know how shy she can be when she doesn't know people. But not this time. She's been talking about it all week and has been excited to go. Every time I tried to tell her "Don't forget this" or "I packed this for you and I'm gonna put it here" or "Remember to do this" I can feel her rolling her eyes as she says "I know Mom!" When did she get so old?!? When did she grow so mature? 

I cried when I dropped her off today. Both because she is too young and because she is too old. This little sappy Momma heart really needed you today. I needed your hand, your shoulder, your advice, your voice to calm me. I needed you to help me raise this beautiful little girl.

I miss you baby. Watch over our little girl this weekend. Let her feel your presence and your love.
I love you always and forever.

-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died
DAY 13: Truth
"It is one thing to show a man that he is in error, and another to put him in possession of truth." -JOHN LOCKE
It is easy to point out our children's errors. But if we also point them to God's truth, we equip them to make wiser choices in the future. And directing them to His love will help them want to.


Jen said...

I hope Faith gets out of this camp all the things you hope for her. I know it would be very hard to drop her off and even sign her up but you did a wonderful thing. You helped your daughter in ways that neither of you may understand. You gave her a safe haven to really express it.
So proud of you!

Sarah-Life is what you make it said...

I pray this camp will be a blessing to Faith.

My Husband's Watching TV... said...

I can't wait to hear how it goes. I'm sure she'll have a good time and learn a lot from it too. Hugs and prayers my friend!

Glenda said...

I hope it's everything you hope it is for Faith. I hope she has a good time!

Anonymous said...

"Creeper" reader and prayer warrior for you and your family :)

I just want to say that I think this is great. The fact your family is acknowledging grief in someone so young is admirable. May she find friends, fun and peace! :)

Desi said...

I'm sure he's always watching over you all! That's one strong, brave little girl.


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