There's gotta be more. Something more than worrying about how I'm going to survive the day. Something more than constantly feeling like I have no purpose, no meaning. There's gotta be more than wishing the day would just end.
Tonight, I decided I need to just stop feeling sorry for myself. I've been absolutely miserable lately emotionally and physically. I'm going to attempt to move forward, trying to clean some of the cobwebs out of my brain, and try to figure this out. I know I'm perfectly capable but I've just had no desire. I spend all my time being 'strong' and building this life of standing on my own two feet, but all I really want is for someone to come rescue me from it. I guess I'm just gonna have to rescue myself.
Stay close to be, baby. Guide me through this, I hate doing this alone. I am no good on my own. Help me figure out how to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I can hear your voice and I know what you'd say to help and encourage, but it's still not the same as you being here. I just need to do something - anything - to help dig me out of this hole.
I miss you, love.
I love you forever and always.
-from "Blessing for Mothers" - the last gift I received from my brother before he died
DAY 21: Don't Give Up!
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -GALATIONS 6:9
In other words, hand in there! Keep the faith! Don't give up! Finish the race! And it sure can't hurt to take a nap, either.